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[Mazzie]

Hi Everyone

I have been drinking since I was 15. I once thought why would anyone want to be sober when they can feel so good with a few drinks!!!! My drinking career has ebbed and flowed with having my babies and looking after them - until the last 12 years (after my Mum died and other things happened all at once). It has esculated although gradually.

When I found MWO last year I was wanting to know whether 1 - 1.5 bottles of wine every night was OK, normal or not. I have of course found out that no, it is not normal nor good for my body or mind or the family around me.

I have been a big time lurker here and I think thats OK. I did become a member in April last year I think but my first time posting wasn't until January this year when I finally thought I had had enough of my lifestyle to get over my shyness or whatever and join you guys for some mutual support.

At that time I thought it was (?just ugh) a matter of having no wine. I have no problem with any other al only the wine. However I have found that in order to change my drinking I need to really change me. Change the way I think. Change the way I feel about myself.
Change the way I think and feel about others. Change the way I think and feel about situations, especially past situations which I cannot do anything about anyway. Change the way I think and feel about al.

I really wanted to be af from early Jan this year. I have had some al free time but always seem to slide back into it even though there really seems to be no reason to do so.

I had no idea how to go about changing myself but recently found a book in a bookstore that seemed to beckon me. I have gradually been working on myself and my 'wounds from the past' anger issues, resentments etc.

I now find that instead of reaching for al when these thoughts and feelings come up in my mind, I am dealing with them as something that needs to be dealt with with forgiveness and love and moving forward. I think I will heal myself from ever wanting or thinking that I need al if I continue to deal with this garbage that I am carrying around.

OK My question is - Is this fairly universal. Does everyone have this sort of thing to deal with and is al only the tip of the iceberg and once we do cut down or abstain, do these other things manifest themselves in our minds so we can deal with them instead of numbing out. (oops is that 4 questions?). I am not/have not been physically dependant on al only probably mentally adicted.

This is day 5 for me today with the weekend looming and I am looking forward to having some energy to do something with it. The end of last year I had 2 months al free and had 1 little drink with some friends which I didn't even really want but feel like I have struggled since on and off.

Thanks for 'listening' guys.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

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Hi Mazzie, firstly well done on day 5. It is my opinion that people find themselves abusing alcohol for many reasons, but most times there is a reason, not just it has crept up on us. By that I mean that many of us seem to use it as a crutch to either block out bad feelings or memories or just the world in general. When we remove this crutch and have to stand on our own two feet it can be hard, even harder than stopping drinking in the first place. The more AF time we get the more we see the world through different eyes. If it is a long term drinking problem it can have stifled our emotional and spiritual development as we may well not have faced emotions head on for years. I am happy I will drink, I am sad I will drink, I am lonely I will drink, I am angry I will drink, I think you get the picture.
So giving up AL can force us to face our demons but it also gives us the chance to grow as a person. I wish you luck on your journey.

[Lavande]

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Mazzie,

I think most of us face our demons with a lot of fear but in the end - there's really nothing to fear!
Quitting drinking for me has meant taking back total control of myself. I now decide to be happy, to be sad, whatever. Turns out a little unhappiness or sadness won't kill you, you can handle it. AL will kill you if you keep inviting it into your life.
Personally, I am enjoying the clear-headedness & the sense of calmness that comes with it. I know I am doing the right thing for me & those around me. I know I can handle anything that comes along - I trust myself once again

Best wishes Mazzie!
Lav

[gyco]

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hi maz,interesting thread,the best thing is your here,as you said,this is a start,depending on what you want to achieve,al free,moderation over time youll figure tht one out,its not that your problem is big now,but 1- 1.5 bottles of wine,a day,is 30bottles a month or more,or yearly 360 a year,never was tht great at math,no one can fix your consumption but you,many dont even recognise they have a problem,till its to late,over years of working on my sobriety,there aremany titles,non drinkers,drinkers,drunks,and then theres an alchoholic,this is one who can not drink,nor can or have the desire to stop without help,only again you determinewhat you are,i wish you well maz,gyco reseach is the key

[TRUCKER123]

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Hi Mazzie I really like what you said at the bottom of your page [Developing an Attitude of Gratitude] This is so important to me.When we develope an attitude of gratitude it will keep us on the right latitude=emotional balance. I try to keep it simple i look at my mind= emotions,thoughts,beliefs as the universe, North being im on top of the world =all is great got the New house got the New car got the New wife/husband promotion at work etc,etc.East being im on Easy street now im getting a check Every month/retired, kids are grown why not just take it Easy kick back with a few beers /wine etc.South being im Sad She left me im alone no money no future life Sucks im goin get Sloshed.West being Why can't i drink like other people? Why must i always drink to much? Why is this person mad at me?Why is this happening to me?etc,etc.Alcohol set's boobie traps in are brains for instance a man not even thinking about drinking see's a commercial with a women with big boob's and handing out ice cold beer's This is a boobie trap for most men. We all must whatch out for the ant's that sneak into our minds=automatic negative thoughts that multiply if we feed them.. Kill these ants.Now i know it is easer said then done. Anyway congradulations on your 5 day's Mazzie.. where all a work in progress best of luck! https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ing-42332.html This is a great post by daybyday. Trucker123

[johnnyh]

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Hi Mazzie,

Well done for 5 days AF! That's fantastic.

I've had mountains of stuff to deal with since sobering up. Issues that had long since been ignored, etc. For instance the fact that my marriage had soured up, generally a lot of things going on around me and also things in my past I had chosen to forget about or/and numb out.

I find that I have started dealing with alot of my issue and it has been such a blessing. I feel that I have significantly improved as a father and husband and life now seems so much more enjoyable without AL. I hope I will continue to stay strong as it's great to be AF.

I wish you all the best on the journey from here on!

[stiteal]

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Great job on AF5, Mazzie, that's a big deal!! Good luck with your AF weekend. I look forward to tracking your journey and see what you come up with as you stay AF...issued to be worked through, lifestyle changes, etc. I too began to feel that 1, 2, 3 bottles of wine was normal and then reallized, hey, maybe it's not! Why do I do it? Can I stop? Do I want to stop? ETC. Hang in there, feel what you need to feel and keep posting...it's amazing therapy just to be surrounded by people going through the same motions. Hugs from me! and good thoughts for our AF weekend!

[K9Lover]

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Hi Mazzie,
I just wanted to welcome you to the site and say congratulations on day 5. That is a great start! Sounds like you realize that AL does not help with problems, it only masks them, but they are still there. You seem like you are ready to face this head on. Keep reading and posting and let us know how you are. I look forward to getting to know you!
K9

[Mazzie]

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Thanks everyone

Had to rush off last night to help a neighbour - so glad I could do that sober. All is well now.

Ktab, Lav Gyco Trucker johnnie stiteal k9lover - thank you for your replies. I think becoming al free is like peeling an onion - layers and layers to work through which for some reason just surprised me.

I am doing some hard yards in the emotions department but looking forward to coming through a stronger better happier person.

Thanks again all. Enjoying day 6 today!!!

[mollyka]

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Hi Mazzie,
Like Ktab says most of us had some catalyst, crisis, problem that accelerated the drinking. My catalyst was a truly horrible fall out with my family ( my sisters ) around the same time as my mother became very ill. The row had nothing to do with alcohol but I definitely used it as a crutch as I became totally isolated from my whole family and then when my Mum died all contact was broken.
As we are all such guilt ridden people us alkies when we are drinking, part of me worried that thro drink-fuelled eyes I may in some way have contributed to the horror. Thankfully, on and off 6 months sober, I can honestly say hand on heart that none of it was my fault and am very grateful for that.
I could NEVER have come to that conclusion when drinking.
Molly

[johnnyh]

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Mazzie;864249 wrote:
Ktab, Lav Gyco Trucker johnnie stiteal k9lover - thank you for your replies. I think becoming al free is like peeling an onion - layers and layers to work through which for some reason just surprised me.

I luv that. Also, it ought to make you cry at times

[Guest]

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Going AL-free is the easy bit really it's learning to live that's the most difficult. However if you continue drinking you will only make your problems or issues much worse as you are simply putting off the inevitable. Ok at first it can be difficult to stop but that's because you have a learned behaviour that is to pickup a drink at certain times/everyday. Once you are through that it gets easier especially as you start to confront and deal with everyday life.

[byebyebridgetjones]

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Hi Mazzy and welcome back.
It's not as straightforward as I thought either.
Whether it's reaching a 'bottom' or the end of alcohol's usefulness in your life, it's a process , not a destination, and everyone does it in their own way and time.
Glad you finally 'came out' onto the forum.
Bridget.

[hillsidetime]

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Hi Mazzy, welcome, and I am glad that you have written out where you are at. I always find it helps me, the writing process. The great news is that you seem truly aware that it is time to decrease your alcohol use. For me, moderation does not work, in any form. Even though I did not consider myself physiologically addicted like you, it was still a lot of work to make it through the first months. The feelings of guilt, and living with painful events and memories - like you say, without alcohol to numb them - is sometimes hard. But it passes.

Being sober, allows for so much of our brain power to be on life, and not on dodging cops, worrying about our breath, living through hangovers and fatigue, crankiness etc. Even when we have to work through painful things, we have perspective - sober perspective. All the best to you,
Hill

[Mazzie]

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Hi Everyone

Thanks Molly Johnnhy UK Blonde Bridge and Hill. I have had the busiest weekend. Only now having tme to get on the pute and join in again. Was my
baby's birthday yesterday - he's 20 now. So glad that we all had an al-free day together.

I really appreciate your thoughts and I will think about them a lot. I really do want to be free and grow and be a better person. Ditching the al and finding you guys has enabled me to see what I need to do. I'm working on it!!!

Do hope you are all doing well too. Life is so short and we only have one! Lets make it the best we can with what we've got.