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    #1

    How to cope at social events?

    :new:

    Hello everyone I've just joined MWO today.

    I gave up drinking a fortnight ago and tomorrow I'm going to a party, not sure what to tell people when they ask why I'm not drinking, or what (soft) drinks to take?? Any advice anyone?

    My brief drink history is that I started drinking around 10 years ago to cope with stressful events etc.. I gradually drank more and more until I was drinking every day and felt unable to cope without it. No-one knows about my problem so hence why I don't know what to say to people..!
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    #2
    How to cope at social events?

    Just have a seltzer with a twist. No one will know otherwise. If someone asks me I say I don't drink alcohol anymore. This is my plan only. Hope this helps and may be workable for you!
    Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

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      #3
      How to cope at social events?

      Where are my manners. WELCOME Jaffa!
      Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

      Comment

        #4
        How to cope at social events?

        First off, get a non AL drink. Refill it as often as you need to with more non AL. I find even today after more than 9 months AF, I just feel comfortable holding and sipping on a glass of something cold - I've also found this is very common among ex drinkers. That magical diet Dr Pepper does the trick every time.

        Most people don't care. Really. It is helpful to make up a list of excuses just in case (I've never needed to use them). Like you're trying to lose weight, live a healthier lifestyle, are taking some medication, or are the designated driver (maybe be the designated driver - a truly sober one).

        Always have a plan in place, including an escape plan if needed. Good luck, and know you can do it.
        ​​Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind ~ Bob Marley ~ Redemption Song

        AUGUST 9, 2009

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          #5
          How to cope at social events?

          Hey Jaffa,

          Welcome on Board.

          That is one relevant question, I tell you. I too am attending a party tomorrow evening and am slightly worried again. The temptation, the explaining I don't drink anymore, and teh old buddies all convincing me that one Saturday evening won't spoil the diet, my new healthy lifestyle, or whatever toher bollocks I've given them as an excuse before.

          It's a difficult one. Just try and chill, sip on some non alcoholic beverage and try and stay under the radar would be my advice. If someone asks specifically, tell them your on a low carb diet?!

          GL,
          AF since 15th March 2010

          The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

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            #6
            How to cope at social events?

            Hello Jaffa and welcome! Congratulations on 2 weeks AF, you must feel pretty good. I would also recommend getting a non AL as soon as you walk in. This will keep you hydrated, hands busy and deflect some offers to get you a drink. I myself am not yet comfortable saying is a social situation that I no longer drink (on Day 11), perhaps you could say when asked that you have to be up early the next morning to go running or any number of reasons. Anyway best of luck and glad you are here.
            While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.
            Benjamin Franklin

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              #7
              How to cope at social events?

              :welcome: Jaffa!!

              Are you a kiwi? (Just askin' - Jaffa is a common term for Aucklanders here!)

              I dont worry about telling people I dont drink anymore, but in the early stages I did diet tonic with a healthy slug of lime juice and in a wine glass ..... to all intents and purposes it looked just like Lindauer!! It avoided questions that I wasn't ready to answer.

              If you aren't a kiwi, then this will make no sense!!

              But in general, I dont think you need to "spill the beans" or say that you are not drinking at all, or feel the need to justify yourself. Just say that you aren't drinking tonight, and have an excuse just for today - whatever feels comfortable!! On anti-biotics, trying to lose weight, have an important thing that you need to get up for in the morning .... the possibilities are endless!!
              Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn

              Harriet Beecher Stowe

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                #8
                How to cope at social events?

                Miss Behaving;863907 wrote:
                Are you a kiwi? (Just askin' - Jaffa is a common term for Aucklanders here!)
                I thought the term JAFFA sounded familiar. Now it all makes sense :-)
                AF since 15th March 2010

                The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

                Comment

                  #9
                  How to cope at social events?

                  What is peoples' fixation about what we drink? I really don't get it. I can honestly say I have never asked anyone what was in their glass. Sorry, just a bit of a hobbyhorse of mine. Why should we as decent people with a really important aim have to justify ourselves or tell lies to anyone. I know, I do it too but I don't feel I should have to. Vent over - Welcome Jaffa!! I'd be tempted to tell you to tell them to feck off but prob not a good idea!!!!
                  Molly
                  Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                  contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                  Comment

                    #10
                    How to cope at social events?

                    mollyka;863941 wrote: What is peoples' fixation about what we drink? I really don't get it. I can honestly say I have never asked anyone what was in their glass. Sorry, just a bit of a hobbyhorse of mine. Why should we as decent people with a really important aim have to justify ourselves or tell lies to anyone. I know, I do it too but I don't feel I should have to. Vent over - Welcome Jaffa!! I'd be tempted to tell you to tell them to feck off but prob not a good idea!!!!
                    Molly
                    It's our fixation not theirs! :H And no one's ever asked me what I was drinking, or why I wasn't - we only fear it because it's our big thing. If it makes us feel safer or whatever to have all these tales handy and keeps us sober, it's OK in my opinion. The longer I'm AF the less I care what anyone thinks. If anyone asked, I'm pretty sure I'd say I don't drink and leave it at that. But honestly no one ever asks and if I say no thank you to the offer of a drink, they accept that, no questions asked.
                    ​​Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind ~ Bob Marley ~ Redemption Song

                    AUGUST 9, 2009

                    Comment

                      #11
                      How to cope at social events?

                      Welcome Jaffa and good luck on your journey, you seem to be doing great fantastic on 2 weeks AF :goodjob:

                      I can't add anymore than what people have said other than hope you have a good night and if you are struggling get on the dance floor to pass the time, great excersise too
                      Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

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                        #12
                        How to cope at social events?

                        Hi, thanks for the welcome and all your great advice. I like the getting up early the next day excuse, I'll remember that in case I ever need it!

                        I'm just glad I dont drive, I can imagine people who don't drink being called upon to be chauffeur quite often on nights out!

                        I'm not a kiwi btw - Jaffa was my nickname at school.

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                          #13
                          How to cope at social events?

                          Hi Jaffa and Welcome!
                          The reason I used at first (and still do!) is that I'm counting my calories and I'd rather eat them than waste them on a drink! The usual response I get is "Oh yeah, good idea"...LOL. Nobody would "make fun" of you for not eating 2 pieces of cake right? So why isn't it reasonable to believe you're choosing to cut out the empty calories of alcohol? Anyway, don't let people pressure you, you have the right to make your own decisions of what you consume (without having to justify it to others). Stay strong, I know you CAN do this!
                          K9

                          p.s. My less polite response is simply "none of your business". LOL
                          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            How to cope at social events?

                            Here's a tip for bars - ask the waiter/barman to make you a non-al cocktail. It's worked for me recently including a big night out with a group of drinkers. The drink they prepared looked like a real cocktail and tasted really nice - in fact nicer than if it had been AL.....best thing was it also cost 50% less too.

                            Much better than diet coke.

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                              #15
                              How to cope at social events?

                              Hi Jaffa and welcome. I think eveyone has offered really good advice. You will find that not too many people do ask and if they do just tell them you are giving it a break for a while. You dont need to explain anymore than that. I found when I told people that in the early days alot of them said " well done, wish I could".
                              I find I like something in my hand and having a wine glass with soda water and a slice of lemon or lime shuts people up because they think you are drinking AL. It is strange that people think it is their right to ask why you are not drinking.
                              You will enjoy sitting back and watching everyone get plastered. You will also realise how bad it makes people look and may have second thoughts about doing it yourself next time.
                              Good luck and try not to stress to much about it.
                              Hippy Chick
                              I finally got it!
                              "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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