How to cope at social events?

[sk8punk]

How to cope at social events?

Welcome,

I agree it is a tough situation. I think we as alcoholics tend to put more importance to it then there really is. Most people I know at work no I don't drink anymore and nothing has changed. In fact some of them said to me that they're thinking about cutting back. I usually leave it at "No thanks, I don't drink."

[Guest]

How to cope at social events?

sk8punk;864218 wrote: Welcome,

I agree it is a tough situation. I think we as alcoholics tend to put more importance to it then there really is. Most people I know at work no I don't drink anymore and nothing has changed. In fact some of them said to me that they're thinking about cutting back. I usually leave it at "No thanks, I don't drink."

Sk8

I think it's used as another excuse not to put the drink down - something else to keep us in denial too. Whilst AL is highly socially encouraged you still don't have to drink it.

[mollyka]

How to cope at social events?

I think you lot have much politer friends than I have. Personally I have been made feel like an oddity at times, having said that, I do think that a lot of my 'friends' have drink problems of their own and are probably somewhat fixated as well.
I am really lucky at work, most unusual but heaps of them just don't drink so 'going for a pint after work' just doesn't happen so work is my oasis!!
Molly

[hillsidetime]

How to cope at social events?

Hi Jaffa, and welcome. Your question is a very good one, and I have been working through this since I went af. The problem for me is that I have a long and storied history of drinking with people, so they notice a change in my patterns. So now that I don't want to, and I just want to be af, and not bug anyone, and I am not ready to tell the whole world I am af, hence the issue. Regardless of whether it is polite, or anyones business to ask, the situation still exists.

Here is what I have done: - go to the bar myself, when I can order a non alcoholic drink without anyone being there - perhaps dodge to the bathroom when your friends grab a drink. Say, no I'm good right now (you don't say you are not drinking all night). Some places have mix out, I simply poor myself pop, and drink it, people assume its alcohol. I even went as far as drinking water from a hockey water bottle (when all the guys were slugging beer from their bottles) and no one noticed. Like written above, a lot of people don't focus on it as much as we think. I find that once the evening gets up and going, it is no longer an issue. Just get through the first hour or so, and then its easy, people get drinking and don't even notice. All the best,
Hill

[Shikakai]

How to cope at social events?

dancelot;863879 wrote: First off, get a non AL drink. Refill it as often as you need to with more non AL. I find even today after more than 9 months AF, I just feel comfortable holding and sipping on a glass of something cold - I've also found this is very common among ex drinkers. That magical diet Dr Pepper does the trick every time.

Most people don't care. Really. It is helpful to make up a list of excuses just in case (I've never needed to use them). Like you're trying to lose weight, live a healthier lifestyle, are taking some medication, or are the designated driver (maybe be the designated driver - a truly sober one).

Always have a plan in place, including an escape plan if needed. Good luck, and know you can do it.

Right, why does a person need an excuse not to drink? Oh, I know why! BECAUSE EVERYBODY'S DOING SO WHY NOT YOU!?

God, I'm sick of this society! This DRUNK and DRUGGED OUT society.

Anyway, enjoy the party and if this is post is post-party, I hope you had a good time :H

:welcome:

[papmom3]

How to cope at social events?

Tomorrow I will be going to the first pool/BBQ party of the season to celebrate my nephew's high school graduation and my neice's 13th birthday. I've seen the list of attendees and some of them are heavy drinkers no matter what the occassion, some are light and some don't drink at all. Almost all of them know me as one that gets shitfaced everytime we get together. I'm the one at family birthday parties for the kids that kept drinking the wine even when the cake was served and everyone else was drinking coffee. This will be the first time most of them have seen me in about 6 months. The last time they saw me was at my sister's holiday open house, I only stayed for a couple of hours and only had 2 drinks. This was before my AF journey but I knew something had to change even then.
I plan on walking in with a HUGE strawberry smoothie from DDs (have had this craving for a virgin strawberry daiquirie for a few days now and this is a great substitution) and then switching to water or seltzer. I'm willing to bet NO ONE will ask me why I'm not having any wine and if they do I will be honest: I don't drink anymore. I've always been a very open person about my life and feelings so if someone wants to know more I'll be happy to have a discussion with them. I'm always open to teachable moments
I hope you have a great time at your event Jaffa and can stay true to what matters to you, not anyone else. :l

[Jaffa]

How to cope at social events?

:thanks:

Well I had a great time last night. I discovered some non alcoholic drinks in one of my local Muslim-owned stores - they sell malt based fruit drinks in bottles that look exactly like beer bottles, one of them is called Hillsburg, they're very tasty! In fact one person I know who is a heavy drinker had a taste and really liked it. I got questioned about it but didn't feel I had to explain myself too much, people were nice about it and I didn't feel ostracised.

I lasted for 6 hours then had one glass of wine with a fruit juice mixer, this was enough for me. It's very hot weather in my area at the moment so thankfully alcohol is not so attractive anyway - a good time of year to give up I guess, rather than the long winter nights!

[Doggygirl]

How to cope at social events?

:welcome: Jaffa!

Glad to read that you had a good time at the party!

I'll offer up a couple of my own thoughts on this subject of "what we tell others." First off, I agree with Dance and the others who said that generally speaking, WE fixate on the issue way more than most other people do. And Molly, I think the situation you describe is one of the few exceptions - where former drinking buddies want to keep the party going, and/or have reason to be concerned about their own drinking. (I used to LOVE hanging around with the Big Drinkers as somehow that made me feel like I must not really have a problem myself...)

I have an amazing ability to bullshit myself. One of the big reasons I didn't want to say to anyone "I don't drink any more" is because I was really hoping I could still find a way to drink and control it (become "fixed"). I didn't want to have to explain why I WAS drinking again at some future point. I didn't want to hear "Hey! I thought you quit!" Especially from anyone who I might have had reason to think "gee - she drinks too much..." in the past. But of course I didn't see any of this intitially in my sobriety.

My brother doesn't drink. Never has. He doesn't spend 2 seconds wondering what he's going to tell somebody about that at a party. "No thank, I don't drink" is my mantra today.

DG

[mollyka]

How to cope at social events?

Doggy, I'd say you are dead right. There is definitely a little bit of an 'out' in there when you don't tell people.
Molly