Announcement

**Justforme** · May 28, 2010, 07:25 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Hi Katie, The one 'excuse' (your word) that jumps out at me is the self hating aspect of all this. If you can remain AL free you won't hate yourself. You will instead feel very good about yourself and more importantly you will get a huge amount of inner strength. You can do this, and because it is such a big thing to you (and all of here on this forum) to be able to stand up to AL, I really believe that it will put everything else into perspective. The self hating thing makes all the other reasons for feeling so much more insurmountable.
Don't worry about having had to drink the last couple of nights. Forgive yourself but don't lie down and wallow in it. You've had a couple of nights back with AL and you regret it. Pick yourself up. Be kind to yourself. I really believe you have more strength than you are giving yourself credit for.
I'll be checking in during the day to see how you are doing.
Lots of love.

**KatieB** · May 28, 2010, 07:33 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Thank you Justforme,
What you say speaks so much sense.. I will try and forgive myself, though I know I really should know better.. I know I cannot have a good life if I drink.. nothing will change for me; I really need to work on my self-esteem but its hard as I have done and said so many things that I regret (sober and drunk).. but I know I can be a better person when sober.. I just find it hard to get by in life, I was not born with the "skills" that so many people have that makes it easy for them to interact with other people in this world.. I know also that I can be very hard on myself.. thanks again
Katie xx

**Ringing Cedars** · May 28, 2010, 07:39 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Some good insight Justforme. I do hope I didn't make things worse for you by my previous posts Katie. I'm not on top the al thing either, but you have your son and I know you want the best for him. The best is having someone like you that truly cares for him--no games of winning like the ex--just his best interest from your good heart. That is something to hang on to moment by moment. This life is not easy for many of us I truly know. I need the strength from where ever I can get it and if it's virtual at times--or books--or real life people--then we must take it for strength that we may not otherwise have. Take what is best for you right now and leave the rest--you know what that is sweetie. Right??

**techie** · May 28, 2010, 07:39 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

I echo everything justforme just posted katie. Things are going to improve. When we drink we lose ourselves, our energy, and in OUR cases it negates the effectiveness of our antidepressants. They did not work so you need to tell your doc this also. That's why you were doing so well. Once you interrupted your levels w/ alcohol well, you know. I feel 100% better w/o alcohol and my doc says its because my meds are working the way they should...hopes this helps dear. I care about you...john

**sk8punk** · May 28, 2010, 07:44 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Katie,
We are alot alike. I too have low self esteem, am very good at beating myself up and lack the social skills most people seem to have naturally. Even with those close to me. What you need to understand is there isn't anything wrong with you. The reason we have such a hard time socializing with people is because we think so little of ourselves. If we don't like us then how the hell is a stranger going to like us. As soon as you realize this you can begin working on your self esteem. Anytime you think something negative about youself. Stop yourself. think of something positive (you might think nothing is positive but there is always something) and then ask yourself how that negative can be changed. Negative thinking only defeats us. Its easier for people like us to think that way because we are so used to it.

**KatieB** · May 28, 2010, 08:10 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Thank you all,
Ringing Cedars - you haven't made things worse for me at all, I so appreciate your kind and supportive words x
Techie - thank you.. and I know my anti-d's really do work when I don't drink, I felt so much better and stronger.. I have to remember this and push all thoughts of drinking to deal with things to one side..
Sk8punk - your words bought tears to my eyes! you hit the nail on the head.. that's why AL was always so tempting, it gave me confidence, confidence that I could not gain on my own.. but now, i want to gain this self-confidence on my own.. drinking may give confidence, but it does turn us into people we are not, and can lead to so many negative consequences.. I end up acting and behaving like someone I do not like, which in the end depletes my self-esteem.. I have a long way to go.. I will try and banish those negative thoughts - something Spam said to me awhile back (I really miss her on here!) - is to put the low self-esteem demon into a mental room and lock the door.. and the same goes for the AL beast.. now I have remembered that analogy, I will do that right now!
Katie xxx

**Justforme** · May 28, 2010, 08:17 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

You're doing just great, Katie.

**sk8punk** · May 28, 2010, 08:27 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Katie,
Just know you're not alone with how you feel about yourself. AL used to give me that confidence too. Then it turned on me and made me a monster. Compeletly destroying me and everything I cared about. I'm still practicing everything I mentioned above for myself. It does begin to work. We're so used to thinking that we are weird becuase everyone else seems normal. When in fact we are just like everyone. Its just our low confidence in ourselves that tells us we are weird. Negative thinking can destroy as much as alcohol. You may be like me in another way. I tend to need someone else to think positive of me or love me for me to feel that way about myself. If that is the case. I believe in you Katie. We have to love ourselves for others to love us.
Katie you are a very strong woman. Look what you've already been through and have survived. That is something to be proud of. Use that knowledge to build yourself esteem.

**KatieB** · May 28, 2010, 10:09 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Thank you Sk8punk and Sheri,

Sk8punk - again, you are right - my ex was that person... thats why i "clung" to him.. he gave me love, when I thought i was unlovable.. however he turned abusive and violent, in which I put up with as i thought I wasn't good enough for anyone else.
Sheri - I have that book by Louise Hay and have read it.. I think i will read it again,
Katie xxx

**Ringing Cedars** · May 28, 2010, 10:41 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Whatever works to keep you moving forward Katie...why do I always try to edit to make it sound better??? It's what we seem to do when it is not necessary. Keep posting your feelings and thoughts Katie please??

**Ringing Cedars** · May 28, 2010, 10:57 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

This may suck big time....but in a sense nobody cares at times...I just am remembering the awful post you received from _Pan recently..I reported her right off...and I am not well received here....point is that may have hurt you significantly and I felt so angry for that.

**Ringing Cedars** · May 28, 2010, 10:59 PM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Not "they"...but point taken I hope.

**SoFlo1** · May 29, 2010, 01:48 AM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Katie, you sound overwhelmed. One thing that helps me, but I can't do on my own, is to have someone go through with point by point on all the problems I have right now. If it's Mrs SoFlo the first question she'll ask is "is that something that's happened yet?", then "what part of it can you control", and finally "is that like a tomorrow thing, a next month thing, or a long term problem to solve." For me, this gets it down to the only sure fire way I've learned to change my thinking, by simply acting - based on the above what is the next action I need to do (and I only allow myself one action). By running the whole laundry list of problems through a bit of a filter - and I really think you need a friend to help with this part, they're much more objective, and by turning thoughts into actions, I've been able to dig myself out of a few holes. Don't misunderstand me, it sounds like you have a lot going on so this process may not work for you but I've found it helpful.

Good luck!

**Guest** · May 29, 2010, 06:48 AM

Slipping back into my old ways..

Katie

I can identify with you hugely here and that was why I was frightened for you when you were projecting at 30 days. I'm not saying you can't aim for that but I know I can certainly only do this ODAT.

Yes I've been exactly where you are now and there is only one thing that you can do for you in your situation. That is to remove AL. Now when you do that you won't feel much better at first and you may feel worse.......but 2,3,4 weeks down the line you will start to be confident and believe in yourself again. It's a long journey though and it was only in the last few weeks (so weeks 6-8) that people around me have started to trust me again -but when that trust comes it's fanastic. You just need to get there girl.

I too have big issues interacting with people which is one of the reasons I used AL. This is all a result of the severe bullying I suffered throughout school and often in my adult life. I do nearly all my things, sports etc alone - so you can guess how difficult it's been being sober. I've had to work at it. All I know is that with AL you can never learn the skills to interact properly, and like anything in life you have to practice and practice to learn something. I get things wrong all the time but I know I have a chance as long as I'm AL free.

Have you tried any meds?These might help get you AF so you can start developing and growing as a person again.

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

Slipping back into my old ways..

Slipping back into my old ways..

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment