I'm not coping..

[KatieB]

Hey all,
I thought I was strong, but I am not.. I am getting more and more depressed. I just got my ex to pick our son up, I made up some excuse about having to work now.. whereas I just bought a 2L box of wine and plan on drinking..
I cannot cope anymore, with the custody battle, the evil things my ex has said about me.. being alone - i have lost 2 great supports in a pretty short amount of time.. one b/c i told her something my ex said about her partner, i told her this as i thought we were close, and i wanted her to know what he has been saying to me instead she decided to "write me off".. the other i lost awhile ago, but again due to me being too honest.. financially i am struggling as a single mum, and i cant keep up with my toddler anymore, i have no energy left (after court the other week, and my ex constantly badgering me - the police never do anything about this, they never see what he says or does as harrassment).. so I feel like giving up and just letting my ex have him.. i really just dont want to go on anymore.. my ex has won.. i have had enough.:upset:

[JACQRABBIT]

I'm not coping..

Dear Sweet Katie.

I believe you are in your early 30's
Even without an addiction these are the hardest years of your life financially and doing it on your own must multiply the mountain many times over.

Don't give up,
you will grow from this battle.

You have a world of support here from people who love you and appreciate your honesty.

Please,
keep talking and keep trying.

[Ringing Cedars]

I'm not coping..

keep reading Katie..your posts everyone's posts...I hope someone comes along to help you ....so many suggestions....take them please.....I don't know what to say but bumping!!!!~this is not the way by any means.

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

Ringing Cedars,
Thank you for your response.. I feel I am being a pain in the ars* on this site of late! one minute I am strong, offering support to others, but i have not solved my own issues at all.. in the past year I did so well as it was only me for our son, as my ex was useless.. but since he got away with the assualt charge, he has been going on and on and on at me.. he is bringing me down so much, i AM going back to my old ways, no more denial.. i am drinking again to cope... i know so much now but yet i am falling into the "trap" of misery.. feels easier than having to deal with him and anything anymore..

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I'm not coping..

Katie, sorry to hear you are struggling today. Anyone who has been here a little time realises we all have ups and downs so I wouldnt worry about your feeling you are being a pain in the ars* as you put it because you are not. You are someone who is under a lot of pressure and finding it hard to cope. I do understand but I also understand from bitter experience the picking up a drink never ever made it any better, quite the opposite in fact.
Some times it feels easier to just welcome the dark feelings and the escape that AL brings but it is not the answer. If you do fall into a bottle he has won, is that what you want, deserve? I dont think so. I do think you need support and help. The mental pressure he is putting you under is unacceptable and if you can prove it the courts would take a pretty dim view. But if you continue to drink you are doing his job for him. I know it is not easy but you must find the strength to face up to him and this addiction. Keep posting and do try to drink some water as well.

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

KTab,
Thank you so much for your response.. I appreciate it so much, i feel you have always been there for me.. I am going to make a cup of tea now, i have had 4 glasses of wine (home measures, probably 6..) - feeling numb but i know it won't alter anything my ex has said and done.. but i just dont know what i can do to change the pain i am going through right now.. i lost support, i feel i have no-one left in the "real" world.. i never get any calls to see how i am going, surely my son would be better off without me?

[Spinning J]

I'm not coping..

You are very strong to have gone through all that rubbish with you ex. Please dont give up. Dont let him win. Take care.

[startingover]

I'm not coping..

Katie, you are not a pain in the arse, you are in difficulty and reaching out for help.
Life is throwing you a curve ball right now, but somehow you will come through it. You just will.
Keep talking, keep reading, use pms. Dont give your ex any more ammunition to throw at you.
Your child needs his mother. Thats the long and short of it. Dont give up.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I'm not coping..

Katie I am in the real world just a long way away. Good on you for deciding on the tea.
Now I want to say something to you, do you in all honesty think your son, in a few years time would wake up one day and say to himself I was better off without my mum? I dont think so and I really hope you dont honestly think that for to hear you say it is incredibly saddening.

[Panno]

I'm not coping..

Katie sweetheart so glad your making that cup of tea, would be best if you chucked the rest of the wine down the sink too!! Please don't ever think your son would be better off without you nothing can replace a mothers love, I have to go to work now but will check in later to see you are ok, please please be strong I know its not easy. Stay close to the boards today and let all these lovely people help.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs :l:l

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

Ktab, starting over and spinning j,
Thank you.. though i feel a real pain in the butt right now.. constantly going on about similar things, never improving, i feel there is no hope for me.. and i will only teach my son how to be miserable.. what is the point?
i have totally had enough with life, all i do is try and be honest.. try and be nice.. i might as well just stop trying and give up...

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

See? im not a natural at anything, all i do is "try" - i am hopeless.. a fake, there is no point in going on living for me..

[startingover]

I'm not coping..

No Katie, don;t give in.
It seems you are trying to please everyone else with trying to be nice, honest etc.
Focus on your own needs and fight for them. Following your true path will help you even though its tough at times

[startingover]

I'm not coping..

KatieB;873242 wrote: See? im not a natural at anything, all i do is "try" - i am hopeless.. a fake, there is no point in going on living for me..

Now this is the wine talking. Not you!

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I'm not coping..

Katie please dont say things like that. You have said yourself that you are depressed and AL only exacerbates that feeling, it is not you. If you are feeling that down is it possible to speak to someone in Aus, maybe a support line perhaps?