I'm not coping..

[Guest]

I'm not coping..

Hey you are coming up to 30 days AF, only just noticed :goodjob: Bet you are feeling a lot better.

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

Kate and UK blonde,
If I needed lecturing I would have called my mother or grandmother.. I think i know what i did was serious but I was depressed for goodness sakes! and I was coping and doing well up until the court case when my ex got away with beating me to a pulp!
So thank you for your "concern" (which does not seem to be for me at all) but I wont be coming back here.. not sure for how long.. I already know the responsibility lies with me, but dealing with an ex who is threatening to take my child off me every day + 30 harrassing texts that the police won't do anything about (and no I had not been drinking when these threats were made! its something my ex has been doing since we separated a year ago) - the only reason i improved was with the support of my counsellor and this site.. and no i havent been looking to another man for happiness.. i had been on that dating site for awhile for fun.. its been a year since i separated.. and i felt i was ready.. the binge the other night was mainly due to my ex stalking and harrassing me.. i already know it was wrong, but my counsellor was unavailable and my ex was being totally unreliable with picking up our son so i never got any spare time to myself to collect my thoughts as my job is demanding too.. oh and i moved house and had to pay out of my nose for my new place, which was an added stress these last couple of weeks.. but thanks to other people's kind words,but im leaving now.
Katie.

[K9Lover]

I'm not coping..

Just sending hugs your way Katie, I don't know what else to say. Please don't let others opinions make you leave, only do it if it's what's right for you. I'm here if you want to PM me. :l :l :l

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

Thank you K9Lover,
But honestly its "opinions" like those listed above which has gotten my ex get away with harrassing me and tormenting me.. just b/c someone has/had a drinking problem or psychiatric history, it doesn't mean I am the one at fault every time something goes wrong.. as my ex has been tormenting me when I haven't been drinking as I had improved alot over the last 18 months - Tuesday's episode was the first time I had done anything like that in 18 months.. its the fact the police have never done anything about the fact my ex has been stalking me and harrassing me that led to that episode.. and the fact I am in a country 1,000's of miles from "home" with no family support.. I only have my counsellor and one friend.. and I did have this site but not sure I can come back anymore with such judgemental attitudes from people upsetting me, which is not good for my self-esteem at all..
And manipulative? thanks alot whoever wrote that.. all ive been doing is working and looking after my son, I have not been trying to manipulate anyone.

[techie]

I'm not coping..

Katie...Stay with us. look everyone has an opinion. Sometimes, actually more time than not, it is very difficult to communicate effectively via a keyboard. So we try. We try to understand each other based on an image we present in our posts. No one knows exactly the scope and depth of our individual situations. We try and make others understand. Its therapeutic for us. People want to give advice based on how we present to them. They feel they're helping. Some may have other motives, but largely we are all here for one reason, we all need to make changes in our lives. You have received much much more positive support than not. Show those folks how strong and comitted you are to making the changes you wanted when you began your journey here...john

[Justforme]

I'm not coping..

Katie, I've just come on board. Seems to me a little too soon after what has been a really tough week for you for what you are having to hear today. I would think you are still feeling pretty shattered. It is all that much harder dealing with your situation with a small child to care for; depression, alcoholism, addition, etc. So much easier, if that is the right word, when you only have yourself to worry about and not everyone on this site has that luxury. You sounded so much better yesterday. Just keep focused. You are doing your best. xx

[greeneyes]

I'm not coping..

Katie, sorry you're having a rough go at it. Life lessons can seem insurmountable at times. Especially when we perceive them to be someone else's fault. There doesn't always have to be someone at fault though. When you are able to step outside of being a victim, you are able to take back control of your power. As long as you see yourself as the victim of another person(s) or circumstance(s), you give away your power. It is a very frustrating feeling. Just think on that a bit.

[fennel]

I'm not coping..

I'm with techie. Stick it out with us, Katie.

[panadol]

I'm not coping..

Hi Katie:l
I think what Katie needs right now is support. She mentioned that is pretty much alone in a country miles away from her family trying to support her son and trying to contend with life along with an addiction. Hard stuff. So Katie came her for some support. Not judgement. Lets give her some.

[Ringing Cedars]

I'm not coping..

Sheri;876339 wrote: Katie,

You recieved 80 responses (almost 1,600 views) to your post with an outpouring of support from 99.9999% of us (including KateH and UK) who took the time to express concern for your health and well-being and offer constructive feedback because we care. Perhaps our delivery isn't always perfect, or what we say isn't what you want to hear, but I do believe that everyone was trying in their own way to be helpful (not hurtful) to you. Honestly, some of the best advice I've recieved over my lifetime about myself was not always easy for me to receive but in retrospect turned out to be exactly what I needed to hear and was the impetus for me to make changes in my life for the better. I personally think it would be a mistake for you to leave a place where you've received so much support, but if that's what you think is best for you to do, I want to wish you all the best.

Sheri

Wow good stats Sheri...so true Katie...:l

[techie]

I'm not coping..

panadol;876387 wrote: Hi Katie:l
I think what Katie needs right now is support. She mentioned that is pretty much alone in a country miles away from her family trying to support her son and trying to contend with life along with an addiction. Hard stuff. So Katie came her for some support. Not judgement. Lets give her some.

Yeah. I thought that was a simple thing. You know being there for one another. However, I know how easy it is to throw jabs in the form of bits!!!

[daybyday]

I'm not coping..

Hi Katie, I think you know how much I care about you.

I have read and re-read Katie and UK's post and I honestly think what they wrote was out of concern and care for you. We can only look to ourselves for the way in life and I think that was their message more than anything, not about blaming you or excusing your ex. . I didn't read that you were manipulative, it was that "AL" makes us manipulative. This is a true statement in my case and I'm sure everyone on here would admit to that while drinking too.

Again, I can sure feel your isolation lately and that is so hard with a small child. You definitely have been through your share of hurt and I hope with counselling and support you'll feel better.

I guess we all came to this site initially because we knew AL was destroying our lives. I think Katie and UK and all of us realize that the first step to any of us feeling better and moving in a positive direction is to get AF.

Hope this doesn't sound like a lecture or choosing sides as I am not, just really hope you'll stay on here for support. You've become such a good friend to many of us including those who may be a little more direct. Love and hugs:l:l

[KatieB]

I'm not coping..

Thank you all for your responses,
I came back as I value this site so much, and have made many good friends here.. I already knew what happened on Tuesday was wrong and I put my son at risk (though I did call my counsellor and a friend, who came to look after my son).. I come on here to express my thoughts, not receive judgement.. I know I have a problem with AL, but I dont see myself as an "alcoholic" (which is up to the individual to decide IMHO) as I dont depend on it.. but I do abuse it from time to time.. for varying reasons..
I have gone through alot of stresses lately: the court case where I was humiliated in the witness box, and my ex got away with assaulting me, I have had to deal with him gloating ever since.. yes, I do have a 'victim' mentality some of the time, and that is why I am in counselling.. I have come a long way and have improved but I still have a lot of work to do on my self-esteem and emotional resilience.. I also had to move house, work whilst looking after my son, with no car, having to walk everywhere with a toddler is hard work - and had to deal with my ex harrassing me and making out he is hard done by when he only has our son for 1 day and a half a week; whereas i have him 5-6 days and work too.. I am in a country where I have no family, and not many friends, as I have moved around heaps, and have issues with low self-esteem so have driven a few people away, luckily I do have a couple of really good friends, that make up for not having 10+ "superficial" friends.. Thanks for those of you that have given me support and non-judgemental advice.. you are the reason I came back.. plus the fact I depend on this site, and really want to help others too - once again, once I am more stable myself.. and yes, I am definately "shattered" as one person posted! it's just been a terribly draining last 2 weeks, hence my "being all over the place" - but I still have the strength inside me that has got me through the past year that I never knew I had..
Katie xx

[daybyday]

I'm not coping..

Good for you staying strong, this is a good place for all of us in need of support.

[Justforme]

I'm not coping..

Good for you, Katie.