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Loosing my mind

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    #1

    Loosing my mind

    I probably have only 50% recollection of the last 6 months of my life, and that 50% is made up of the mornings.

    I justify having that 1st drink by convincing myself, being drunk beats being unhappy/lonely/sad. And then it is one way only: to the bottom of the bottle.

    I started hiding the "corpses/empties" from people, chucking them into public bins instead of recycling like the rest of the glass at home.

    I know I am an alcoholic, and have been that for a long time. Those who know me and love me suspect that I drink too much, but, somehow they find excuses for me.

    It came as shock to me last week, when I realised that I am doing close on 750ml of vodka a day.

    And then in the mornings, I have to check my phones to see what I got up to, AGAIN! And then check the damage, and hide...

    I have had enough..... I so wish I could come out and say this is day 1 for me, but I am so very tired of disappointing myself and my loved ones.

    I see all the advice re AA, meds, rehab, etc... Can I detox alone, at home, and if so, how?

    I am one of thosepeople, who "has everything going for her", and yet, I choose to shoot myself in the foot, daily. Where do I find the off-button, for heaven's sake! I have had enough!!!!

    I read the success stories, and I wonder if I will ever be able to put AF below my postings... Abstaining is just an excuse to drink something else... For me...

    I yearn for the light, and the escape from this prison I have created myself.

    :upset:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Loosing my mind

    welcome ambergold to mwo,read as much as you can here and you will see that you are not alone in this battle,make yourself a plan,use the toolbox here,post your feelings and thoughts, Many of us procrastinate, maybe even most of us. One of the excuses we give ourselves, or anyone who cares to listen, is that the circumstances are not quite right. It maybe that we are just going on holiday, just returned from holiday, there are too many other things happening, its Wednesday, its not Wednesday. now is the time to change your life for the better.


    "Conditions are never just right. People who delay action until all factors are favourable do nothing."
    William Feather


    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

    Comment

      #3
      Loosing my mind

      hi ambergold, you have made a great decision by being here and posting. there is lots of great advice, information and support here. read as much as you can and keep posting and let us know how you are getting on. today could be the start of a wonderful sober life for you.
      Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
      Keep passing the open windows

      Comment

        #4
        Loosing my mind

        Hi Amber, and a huge welcome to you!

        You say you've had enough? Great. Now, put those word's into action if you really mean it. Work out a plan for yourself, as in how to tackle this. There's lot's of really useful information, and inspiration here, as Spud and Mario have alluded to, so read, read, and read, to get yourself some idea's and option's.

        The 'Toolbox' thread is essential reading for you, i suggest. You will find it in the 'monthly abstinence' section.
        Alcohol is a liar. We don't need it. Once i broke the chain's, the freedom, happiness, fullfillment i have now, is just magical, and get's better each day. Wake up happy and relaxed, and inspired, not anxious, depressed, and empty.
        Detoxing on your own can be deadly, as some folk will get seizures. It depends on our makeup i think. I was ok doing it, but i knew how my body would react. Get a doctor, or hospital to assist, or at least get medical advice before you detox alone.

        Great to see you Amber, and you can do this. Be patient, ruthless, and committed.

        Best wishes, G.

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

        Comment

          #5
          Loosing my mind

          G'day Amber. You've definitely made the first step, coming here is an eye-opener. It might take a while for it to soak in, but it will. I'm fairly new myself and have been a heavy drinker for more years than I can remember, about a dozen stubbies of beer a day, sometimes more, seldom less.
          Yes you can do it at home. I stopped a week ago. I couldn't avoid the compelling logic for doing so.
          I substituted soft drink for the grog. That meant I didn't have to alter my normal routine of going into the garden at the end of the day and reflecting on life.
          I looked at it as an adventure. What's going to happen? How will it affect me?
          I don't have even the slightest craving and don't expect any...I'll do 30 days easy.
          Sleeping is not as easy. Takes longer to drop off and the night can be wakeful. I think still thoughts and it seems to be getting better...I don't worry about it...it is just so.
          Stick around and see how others are doing. It is good to get feedback too. Because this place is live and populated by humans you will find it easier to understand youself and your feelings. I recommend post away and ask questions, get involved...you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

          Comment

            #6
            Loosing my mind

            I amber. Welcome. This site is great. It's helped me stay sober since the 4th of may. Now that is a miracle. I was a crazy person when i drank, and i drank everyday all day sometimes. Also always regrettin my actions, i almost lost everythin, my job, my wife my kid, my life. But since findin this site, and all these great people here. I've realised i'm not alone. Shit, there are so many of us, it's actually ridiculous. Alcohol should be made illegal if it affects so many people in the world so negatively. So i hope you stick around and make friends. Post, read and post and read. Get involved, start threads. We're a big happy family and we're all here to help one another. Be patient with yourself, and change your mindset. Remember, you're not depriving yourself of something good, you're doin yourself a favour by stoppin drinkin. Drinkin is societies way of tryin to block out life. I believe most people are alcoholics, but they're just to proud to admit it. Anyone drinkin every night has a problem. I know a lot of people that are always gettin PISSED, but aren't considered alcoholics, but they are. They just don't cause as much shit as i do. That's all. Anyway, good luck. Peace
            Failure is only failure the moment you give up.
            AF since 04th May 2010
            Fell overboard on the 8th July!
            My worst mistake was thinking that what i did wasn't that bad.
            :crazymonkey:

            Comment

              #7
              Loosing my mind

              We are brave for admittin we hav a problem. We are the BRAVE ones. It's the hardest thing to tell people out there that we don't and can't drink. That's only because they're not as brave as us to realise they all hav drinkin problems. I hope this makes sense lol.
              Failure is only failure the moment you give up.
              AF since 04th May 2010
              Fell overboard on the 8th July!
              My worst mistake was thinking that what i did wasn't that bad.
              :crazymonkey:

              Comment

                #8
                Loosing my mind

                Makes perfect sense Dizi.

                'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                Comment

                  #9
                  Loosing my mind

                  Thank you!

                  Thank you for the response. I will keep you updated. My challenge starts now, at home with kids, and no more driving needed. But, I will come here before I give in. :thanks:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Loosing my mind

                    Ambergold;879874 wrote: Thank you for the response. I will keep you updated. My challenge starts now, at home with kids, and no more driving needed. But, I will come here before I give in. :thanks:
                    Ambergold you need to keep positive, already in above post you have yourself giving in, you need to change your way of thinking,this alcohol problem can be beaten,


                    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Loosing my mind

                      Hi Amber!
                      I just wanted to say Welcome, and let you know that you have come to a great place. There is a lot of experience and wisdom on this site that will help you. You've made a great first step by coming here. Read and post as much as you want. We look forward to getting to know you!
                      K9
                      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Loosing my mind

                        Hi Amber, Just want to say Hello as well. From the way you wrote your post, I can easily tell you are very intelligent. First step is wanting to stop, and you are taking that step now. We are here to help you in your journey. Please stick around and keep posting.
                        I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Loosing my mind

                          Day 1 done and dusted

                          Embarking on Day2... I am not sure what my take on Day 1 is: no physical problem, but the hands kept thinking, bit of whiskey in my coffee, etc. So, someone mentioned lemon juice... 1st glass was WAY too strong, so I diluted! I think it helps? Thank you for the warm welcome. I will be back again later. Best of luck, and joy, for us babies!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Loosing my mind

                            Day 2 done and dusted

                            End of Day 2 was not easy, but I got through it. The fact that I am alone on this journey, with my loving virtual friends, is hard, in terms of no support at home. My choice, though. Things are tough at home, kids in puberty, and marriage very shaky.

                            But, first and foremost, I am going to get well.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Loosing my mind

                              Good morning Amber, I just wanted to welcome you to a fantastic place. Good on you for making a go of this, its not easy but it is achievable. Wishing you well on your journey.
                              Keep safe
                              KTAB
                              Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

                              Comment

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