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    newbie

    Hello !

    Where to start? I often look at the non drinkers in admiration and wonder, why I cannot abstain or at least control the drinking. I don't want to get pissed every night, but night after night the habit continues.........weird!

    Anyway, I've been doing the nightly drinking for twenty years or more which started out light, and now has grown to be about 15 oz or more. This does not change from night to night and I never drink in the day time. I wake up with the morning after malaise, work through it and by mid day I'm good to go, not many can keep up with me. Funny thing is I am very energetic, have good eating habits and I'm in good health
    for the most part. At 45 I look and feel healty, most think I'm in my mid thirties . This drinking habit has to
    go ! Where do I start ?

    I guess I should add a quick histroy on myself and I don't offer this as an excuse, but it doesn't help for sure. I'll keep it very brief but this is my life.

    Good lower middle class life, tho father was an alcoholic. He tried AA but later in life gave in to the booze again. I leave the nest at 22 to get married and my father dies at the reception. Three years later my first child is born, life starts to move forward again , but I've begun the nightly habit. 10 months later my wifes mother is diagnosed with breast cancer, and a 2 year battle ensues before she dies. My wife has our second son in the middle of all of this then leaves to be with her mother in Boston for months on end. Son no. 2 is enjoying a trip in Flordia with his family, where he slips into a coma on the day of his third birthday.
    2 months later we are told to go home, to be with family because he is going to die. Boy no 2 is now 16, a
    very healhy and talanted kid. Forgot to mention that daughter no.3 child was born and with us on the trip to Flordia , she was almost 2 at the time.Life after the ordeal was good until boy No. 1 was diagnosed with
    Leukemia in 2002 . A 2 year battle ensued until the disease took his life just short of his 17th birthday .
    Two years later I'm here posting for help, and that about sums it up.

    Thanks!!

    Robert

    #2
    newbie

    Hi Robert and welcome. What a lot you have been through, its no wonder you drink! Seriously though I am very sorry to hear about your Son, it really sounds like you have had more than your fair share of heartache. Have you ever attended counselling? I attended psychotherapy for a year and found it fantastic, tho it took a while to find the right therapist ... maybe you need to work your way through the events that have marked your life, and only then can you start afresh? Just a suggestion, you sound like a lovely man and being here is the first step .. its nice to know we're not alone eh x

    Comment


      #3
      newbie

      Robert,

      Welcome to MWO. Yes, it sounds as though you have had more than your share of tragedy. My heart goes out to you and to anyone who has ever lost a child. I can't begin to imagine such unbearable sorrow.

      This is a great place to be, among friends and support. Understanding why we drink is a tremendous hurdle in overcoming our problem. Therapy has been very helpful for me, as well as topamax, the information contained in this website, suppliments, Hypnotherapy CD's, exercise and the support of the good friends that I have come to know here.

      I will keep this short. Just :welcome: There is lots of information on the boards and in chat. Hope to continue to see you here.

      Best
      "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

      Comment


        #4
        newbie

        Newbie

        Thanks for your kind words.

        Councelling isn't an option for me because I live in a small town where everyone knows your business. The therapists are here, you'll see him at the grocery store the next day, and your next door neighbour is probably the receptionist . I'll have to admit that I'm not one to seek help, especially if I know that person.

        Maybe I sould suck it up and go anyway, I don't know. I didn't go after the long ordeal with son no 2 or after the death of my father after the wedding. Personally I like a informal one on one where the other party cann't talk about your issues to others, This is probably why I've chosen Capt. Morgan or Jack Daniels to help me out . Sorry I couldn't help myself, oh, and I do have a wicked sence of humor dispite it all. I'm the one who needs the councelling, but tend to be the one helping out every one else...............go figure?

        Robert

        Comment


          #5
          newbie

          Well Robert,

          I ran into my therapist at the bank on friday. They are bound by certain ethics. We spoke as casually but no one in the lobby would have known that I was a patient. When our bodies are sick, we think nothing of treating them. When it is our mental health, it is just as important as it can also affect us physically.

          If it is a privacy issue, perhaps you would feel more comfortable making an appointment in a community a short distance away.

          Just a thought.

          Best
          "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

          Comment


            #6
            newbie

            Welcome Robert

            I don't usually post, but felt compelled to reply. You do sound like a very nice man who has had a tremedous amount of hardships! I am so sorry for that! Guess what I think though....You probably would be drinking even if those things never happened. I may be wrong, but the drinking gene is in your family, and like so many of us here (ME) we don't need excuses to drink...it just happens. I am (was?) as drinker like you. Nightly habit that started reasonably and grew. I would wake up tired but go to work and feel better by mid-day. I would always function, go to work, and take care of my family. I am about your age, in good health, and look younger than my age. Anyway, thankfully, I haven't had the tragedies you describe, but it hasn't mattered. My sister, on the other hand, is dealing with a VERY ill daughter with cancer, and doesn't drink- never did...I guess she didn't get that gene (grrrrr lol).

            Anyway, I think you will find a lot of good around here, good advice, good people, etc. Nice to meet you, and welcome!!

            Beth
            formerly known as bak310

            Comment


              #7
              newbie

              Hey Robert

              I was from a small town too when I attended counselling and I travelled about 15 miles twice per week to see a particular Phychiatrist, I found after a while that I enjoyed the whole experience as the drive back especially gave me great time on my own to take everything in before coming back home to 'normality' .. Don't worry about people knowing you either, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about in attending a therapist, its a brave bloody thing to do. I make no secret of the fact I attended and I would again in a heartbeat, it stopped me self harming and I am proud of that .. its time for you to speak without interruption ..Before I ONLY ever spoke about my feelings when I was hammered and then woke up feeling mortified and barely remembering who I told what to, it was horrendous .. at least in therapy its all about you, you are sober and you are getting expert advice .. most importantly it will help you figure stuff out .. I agree it probably will not stop you drinking but at the very best it will stop you getting in deeper ..
              Anyhoo its just my opinion, I hope it helps somewhat, keep us posted! x

              Comment


                #8
                newbie

                bak310 wrote: Welcome Robert

                I don't usually post, but felt compelled to reply. You do sound like a very nice man who has had a tremedous amount of hardships! I am so sorry for that! Guess what I think though....You probably would be drinking even if those things never happened. I may be wrong, but the drinking gene is in your family, and like so many of us here (ME) we don't need excuses to drink...it just happens. I am (was?) as drinker like you. Nightly habit that started reasonably and grew. I would wake up tired but go to work and feel better by mid-day. I would always function, go to work, and take care of my family. I am about your age, in good health, and look younger than my age. Anyway, thankfully, I haven't had the tragedies you describe, but it hasn't mattered. My sister, on the other hand, is dealing with a VERY ill daughter with cancer, and doesn't drink- never did...I guess she didn't get that gene (grrrrr lol).

                Anyway, I think you will find a lot of good around here, good advice, good people, etc. Nice to meet you, and welcome!!

                Beth
                I have to agree with you Beth because, every one of my brothers , five in all, have an issue with booze . I
                have one sister and she does not drink at all , so yes, I probably would have been bitten by this horrible
                disease anyway .

                I hope your sisters daughter pulls through . I know what it's like to fight cancer for your child , and unfortunately the agony of loss that takes the life from you . My biggest concern was my own lack of
                will to go on, which I had to fight daily because, afterall, I still had two other beautifull children that
                desirve a normal life .

                Well off to the store to pick up groceries and home to make supper. I love cooking , it keeps one busy, is mindless, and there's a reward at the end .

                Robert

                Comment


                  #9
                  newbie

                  Hi Robert, :welcome: .

                  Wow, you've really been thru some major trauma, glad you found this site. You will find some wonderful supportive folks here, it's a great place!

                  Being from a small town as well... the anonimity here,on this site , is very refreshing.

                  Looking forward to seeing ya around campus!

                  Welcome Aboard! Judie
                  The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

                  Comment


                    #10
                    newbie

                    Nothing like a good meal

                    Robert, sorry for your loss..

                    Small towns are full of small minds. I to live in one. Don't allow the environment to stop you from healing yourself. Like you said, you speak about your feelings when your trashed so it's not like they don't already know.

                    Take care of and respect yourself first. You'll be amazed at how quickly you become old news. It'a been just a month since I started changing my behaviors and I find it so interesting how different people respond to me.

                    Good luck Robert...enjoy that meal
                    Every man has the right to tend to his garden.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      newbie

                      Only found this site yesterday but have already found it so helpful - also a little spooky & reassuring that there are so many of us; I didn't think I was alone in this but even so! I lost my husband two years ago at the age of 36 & have spent many nights gazing into the bottom of a glass & wailing at my fate, but at the end of the day I have always been a drinker so my excuses are pretty empty ones. My father is a manic depressive, his illness appearing to be affected by alcohol (generally spirits) & I spose I take after him more than I realised, and more than my sister who does not have either the 'tolerance' or desire for drink that I do. So many thanks to this site for helping me to recognise & accept who I am & who I spose I always will be, just hope I can get a grip before it's too late! O to be a moderate drinker....

                      Comment


                        #12
                        newbie

                        cookingqueen wrote: Robert, sorry for your loss..

                        Small towns are full of small minds. I to live in one. Don't allow the environment to stop you from healing yourself. Like you said, you speak about your feelings when your trashed so it's not like they don't already know.

                        Take care of and respect yourself first. You'll be amazed at how quickly you become old news. It'a been just a month since I started changing my behaviors and I find it so interesting how different people respond to me.

                        Good luck Robert...enjoy that meal
                        The meal was dilicious ( my version of chicken alfredo ), and the family liked it too. My problem is that I never make the same thing twice, I kinda work with whatever ingredients are available . I assume from your post you like to cook as well? What can I call you.................cookie?.................now running for cover!!

                        Robert

                        Comment


                          #13
                          newbie

                          Robert, love to cook and know what you mean when you say my version. What's in the refrigerator is fair game.

                          I've come up with some of my best recipes that way, problem has been that I was usually drinking wine while cooking so I couldn't quite remember what I did. Things seem to be getting a little better these days. I just stopped taking the Topa yesterday, because at 25mg it was to much for me. I'll be getting a pill cutter and taking the dosage down to 12.5 mg. But there is definately a difference in how I think about alcohol.

                          We'll have to trade some favorite recipes....

                          Have a good day.
                          Every man has the right to tend to his garden.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            newbie

                            Welcome

                            Welcome Robert:welcome: , wow you have been through so much! I thought I had, loss of a father and brother was enough for me, thank you.......

                            Keep coming here and keep us posted on your progress, keep cooking, that is therapy too!! I live in a small town too and the therapist thing scared me too, I have a hard time finding one w/ my insurance too

                            Anyway, welcome,and just keep coming back and letting us know how it is going..........we are all here for you!:h

                            love and hugs,

                            Mary Anne:l

                            Comment


                              #15
                              newbie

                              cookingqueen wrote: Robert, love to cook and know what you mean when you say my version. What's in the refrigerator is fair game.

                              I've come up with some of my best recipes that way, problem has been that I was usually drinking wine while cooking so I couldn't quite remember what I did. Things seem to be getting a little better these days. I just stopped taking the Topa yesterday, because at 25mg it was to much for me. I'll be getting a pill cutter and taking the dosage down to 12.5 mg. But there is definately a difference in how I think about alcohol.

                              We'll have to trade some favorite recipes....

                              Have a good day.
                              Mary Anne,
                              so is this your real name ? Just curious . I did the wine/cooking thing last night tho I never get too tipsie from that as I usually stop at one glass. Once supper is done and the cleanup complete I'm usually off for a couple hours of aerobic fitness, last night was table tennis . My habit is a 10-11:30 one, which is my crutch/excuse to get to sleep . The little habit becomes a bigger one over time as you know, and now it is really bothering me, that I have given into it that is . Anyway, I've only been around here for a few days
                              and I'm liking the atmosphere. Like minded ,non judgemental positive attitudes are what we need to move forward. Negitivity is something I have learned to avoid, and so far this site has been nothing but supportive, and positive, just what I need .

                              So is the Topa working for you, I'm still on the fence about where I am going with this ? I've already started to pour less in my glass at each fill up and I am hoping to pour less and less toward more control and eventually control it . If that doesn't work I will lokk at the drugs and total absitinance I guess. No pressure
                              is my Mottis Operende, and yes I knwon that is incorrect spelling, but you do get the point .

                              Lets do share recipes, positive encouragement, and maybe a hug here and there . :l

                              Robert is my first Real name Smith...well ......you never know!!

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