Time to stop the madness

[mayday]

Hi I'm new here,

I slept very little last night after drinking a bottle and a half of wine (nothing new)..I was awake contemplating the committment I have made ...and my husband slept soundly beside me, he knows I drink too much, but has no idea the true extent of my binge drinking and that it is on a daily basis..I hide it well.
I poured the other half of the bottle down the sink after breakfast and decided THIS IS IT, I am so sick of the drinking, hiding bottles..feeling like crap in the mornings, waking up in the morning not remembering who I have spoken to on the phone the night before and what did I say, making appointments while under the influence then not remembering, the lies ...the list just goes on and on. I am so ashamed of my weak will, every day I get up and start the day thinking 'this will be the day I stop'...then by 4pm I'm starting to crave a drink, whether it be to celebrate, to unwind, whatever ..there's always an excuse, and thats on a good day,, on a bad day the drinking will start at lunchtime. This has been going on for over 5 years, prior to that I didn't have a problem with alcohol, but somewhere along the way it changed to the point now I can never just have 1 drink. Its like having a secret life, from the outside it would seem life is good I have always been the Mum who manages the sports teams, helps out at school a good marriage, lovely children, a good job...
I hate the deceit, the mood swings and the way this horrible substance has taken a hold on my body.I hate what this is doing to my relationship with my husband and children.
I am absolutely committed to beating this addiction and although I am scared of that overwhelming craving for a drink... I know I have to do this. My plan is to stay close to this forum in the next few days as I start my journey...Any advise gratefully accepted, especially on how I can kick the cravings:thanks:

[Guest]

Time to stop the madness

mayday. I'm new too and on day eight. I don't know why it took me so long but arriving here has done the trick for me. Have a look around and be enlightened. There is absolutely no doubt about it...the booze must go. Pick a day, and if you are ready, take the plunge. It's an adventure and it's exciting. Try to notice all the little differences, don't worry about the disturbed sleep...it's normal and will pass. Keep posting we all want to know how you are doing. All for one and one for all in this place.

[techie]

Time to stop the madness

Hello mayday - I see so much of myself in you post. The double life. The uneasiness in the morning about who I spoke with on the phone and what I said. Merlot fueled e-mails and text messages. Mostly the bewildered look on my daughters face, saying what is wrong with my dad. I'm 24 days AF and trust me when I say it is the most liberating feeling I've had in years. Go for it, and please keep posting!

[beagle]

Time to stop the madness

Hi Mayday,
I can so identify, as could probably most on here. I'm starting out, day 3 atm, just trying to not think too far ahead & focus on today. The good old ODAT approach.
I found the cd's sold on this site really really helpful & i have ordered Kudzu which shall arrive end of month & I'll be interested to see how that goes. I don't even KNOW if I'll be still af at end of month,but for now, for me, that's thinking too far ahead.
I came on this site last year in Sept & managed to cut back my drinking to 3 per night for 3 weeks, best i'd ever done.
But now,just staying the course is taken in small steps....one day...one night.
Hang around, get a laugh or two, it really helps to have like-minded people to communicate with rather than keeping it all to yourself (my problem!).

[Sunnyvalenting]

Time to stop the madness

I could have written all of what you wrote and it would have been my story! It is so amazing what this addiction does to us.
I quit many times over about a decade before I finally found help with baclofen which helped with the cravings. The cravings are real physiologic phenomena and the most common cause of relapse. Meditation or hypnosis helps. I used the hypnosis tapes avail at this site. Exercise and diet help. Some people like the AA meetings which did not seem to help me. I wish you great success as you learn how to recover. Welcome to the site. There is a lot of wisdom here and people who care.

[mayday]

Time to stop the madness

Thanks for the support, I have spent most of the day reading the different forums absorbing the info, feeling a little bit 'jittery' but have made it past 4pm, took my daughter to visit family after school (normally come home and pour a wine...trying not to do the normal routine), now going out with a girlfriend tonight, just trying to break the old habit of pouring the wines while cooking dinner! Really heartening to hear there are others who have taken this walk and are still alcohol free!
I know it will feel great waking up tommorrow morning having got 1 day down!:thanks:

[Hypernova]

Time to stop the madness

Hi Mayday. Yesterday was day one for me once again. I know the power of the cravings all too well. Experience tells me they will lose their power over time if I am just patient enough to sit through them while my body adjusts. It's a battle we need to win early on and the reward is a better life. Cravings are strong but will pass. Truth is that I know if I give in I will feel as queasy and sick as I do now the only difference will be the date and the loss of living a happy life. Seems like AL has me cornered for now but I have a plan. Wishing you strength to fight the cravings until you gain the power to choose not to drink.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Time to stop the madness

Good morning Mayday and welcome to MWO. Well done on trying to stop the madness, the good news is it can be done and you have taken the all important first step. Keep reading, posting and asking questions should you need to.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Determination]

Time to stop the madness

Good morning Mayday! I can completely relate to what you have posted and I could have written it, except for my DH was aware of how much I was drinking and my kids are getting old enough to know that when mom is drinking, I will say things to them that I would "forget" and that mom would usually fall "asleep" by 9:00 at night. But to the outside world, successful career, volunteer with the PTA and sports teams, etc. My drinking was confined to the home.

I tried twice previously to stop - the last time it was more because DH wanted me to than I wanted to and so I tried even harder to hide the drinking. I feel for DH - he tried being supportive, but then he got angry and frustrated and would make snide remarks about the funny "tea" I was drinking, and that I woke him up with my snores (which I only do when drunk).

Finally, last week, I just decided enough. There was no trigger. I just felt like it was time. I was ready to commit myself full-time to breaking this addiction and becoming the person and mother that I wanted to be.

I started taking the supplements from this website. I have a plan for what to do at night - because I found in the past being sucked up by the "work was stressful" or "kids were fighting" or "I'm bored" or "nothing is better than a glass of wine while cooking" or "wine goes best with my favorite T.V. show". Endless excuses.

My plan has been to find other things to do at night. Go grocery shopping at night instead of weekends. Exercise at night - even if I don't feel like it. I remind myself that the 30 minutes of exercise and time away from the kids is better than the 3 hours when I was technically "with" the kids, but not emotionally there for them. I walk the dog. I keep busy.

I am on day 6 AF. There have been cravings. Cravings that have been really hard - but it is also true that those cravings DO GO AWAY! Everybody has a different way of dealing with the cravings, but it helps to have a plan in advance when those cravings sneak up on you. For me, it is writing over and over about how great I feel AF. All the benefits to being AF and a column for all the negatives for giving in. And, if I still have the craving, I go for a walk with the dog. Even if you do cave, dust yourself off and try again. I made the mistake of the first time I tried quitting, I just gave in. I wish that I hadn't taken that all or nothing mentality.

Sorry for the long post. I just could really relate to what you had posted and so wanted to offer you my encouragement and some thoughts that may be helpful to you. There is so much support on this forum.

[someone_else]

Time to stop the madness

I can relate, too...I keep thinking things like, "I meditated today, so I should be able to moderate" then I feel like buying beer on the way home and having one immediately, and it's like, noon...I'm starting to recognize that as a craving to drink abnormally, and realize that I probably won't stop at one or two and that is the time NOT to buy beer. If I'm having those kinds of cravings, that's not the time to try to moderate. That's not normal social drinking. I tend to be vulnerable after a busy stressful weekend of not drinking. Sigh...at least I'm learning something about myself. Now to put it into practice.

[NewGirl2010]

Time to stop the madness

Its funny how we feel so alone in our addiction but in reality our stories are so similar. Like others that have replied, my story (as of Jan 1, 2010) was pretty much identical! Keep coming back here for support. It is a good place. I tend to lurk for the most part but have benefitted so much from the wisdom of others. After 5 months I am feeling so much better and I can tell you it is worth the work to end the relationship with AL!

[mayday]

Time to stop the madness

Wow ..Determination...You wrote my story, I am amazed at how similar stories are. Thanks everyone for the great support, I really feel I am among friends..which is quite a relief as I haven't told anyone what I am trying to do. Ironically I went out last night with a friend and casually mentioned that I thought I would try and lose some weight, and that I would give up alcohol..she commented "Oh you dont need to do that, you don't drink that much..."...if only...
I have woken up really positive this morning, and been for a good brisk walk before breakfast. I'm feeling like this might just be possible, so the plan for today is;

Make dinner this morning (so that I wont have to be in the kitchen around that time I normally drink)
Drink lots of water
Take supplements, L Glutamine, Vitamen B complex, magnesium and evening primrose oil
Exercise again later today (walk the dog)
Only plan for today, dont worry too much about how I'm gonna get through work and a party we are going to this weekend, I'm sure I will have worked out a plan by then:thanks:

[Determination]

Time to stop the madness

mayday;881344 wrote: Wow ..Determination...You wrote my story, I am amazed at how similar stories are. Thanks everyone for the great support, I really feel I am among friends..which is quite a relief as I haven't told anyone what I am trying to do. Ironically I went out last night with a friend and casually mentioned that I thought I would try and lose some weight, and that I would give up alcohol..she commented "Oh you dont need to do that, you don't drink that much..."...if only...
I have woken up really positive this morning, and been for a good brisk walk before breakfast. I'm feeling like this might just be possible, so the plan for today is;

Make dinner this morning (so that I wont have to be in the kitchen around that time I normally drink)
Drink lots of water
Take supplements, L Glutamine, Vitamen B complex, magnesium and evening primrose oil
Exercise again later today (walk the dog)
Only plan for today, dont worry too much about how I'm gonna get through work and a party we are going to this weekend, I'm sure I will have worked out a plan by then:thanks:

I also find that if somebody comments about why you are not drinking, a quick answer is because I am on medication for a minor ailment will end the inquiry.

I am having one of those moments this afternoon where the alcohol craving is playing tricks with my mind. I have a networking meeting for 4 at a cocktail lounge. Already, the thought has crossed my brain - well, maybe just 1 glass of wine (NOT because I know that will lead me to another excuse and before I know it, I will have stopped at the grocery store and bought a bottle of wine). I just know this feeling WILL pass (even though, right now, it doesn't really feel like it). I sometimes have to laugh because it seems like I have a split personality sometimes - the drinking side of me and the side that wants to be AF!

[someone_else]

Time to stop the madness

It is weird how just one will change our thinking sometimes...

[Justforme]

Time to stop the madness

HI Mayday - Your story is also mine, particularly liked your referring to the 'few wines' while preparing dinner. I've been AF 40 days today. Everyone around me is very impressed/shocked/incredulous which should tell me a lot! In the first few days when the cravings were really bad (particularly as I prepared dinner) I had my wine glass right beside me and kept it topped up with whatever flash kind of soft drink that I could find in the supermarket. Cranberry and Lime was a goodie. Also went through bottles of sparkling mineral water. It was as if I had an unquenchable thirst. Every time that thought came into my head (as in 'swallow') I just filled that wine glass up again and slugged it back. Each morning I woke up in amazement that I had not succumbed to AL.
The thing that I have found most difficult in my sobriety is looking at why I needed to drink so much. (I was 1 bottle of wine per night/1 1/2 sometimes). Somewhere around day 38 I've come to realise that I was pouring myself a drink whenever I felt any emotion at all. Happiness, sadness, anxiety, concern, whatever it was, I now know that a sensation passes through my body which says, have a drink, that will help. Weird, I know. But I think I'm on to something for helping myself understand the hold that AL has had on me.
I hope that after 3 months I will be able to have a glass when I am out at dinner and enjoy what it tastes like. But maybe not. It may be at the end of three months that I have realised that it's not about the taste at all for me, it's about covering something up, or shutting a feeling down.
Anyway, rambling here. But I am feeling quite depressed (I am on anti-depressants) but feel that this is part of the process for me. If I'm sad, I need to understand why, rather than smothering it with alcohol.
Good luck for today Mayday. I wish you well. Should also mention that in the first week or so, I checked into this site twenty or so times a day, just to be in touch with people who understood. There is nothing quite like this site for getting through this. xx