Frustrated

[BellaC]

Hi Guys,

It's been over a month since I've posted but I've been lurking. I just wanted to kind of vent my frustration and get some opinions.

AA- I tried it and did not like it. I want to get sober by working out my past issues (the reason I started drinking in the first place) and by learning new ways to cope with stress and anxiety, and with the support of sober loved ones. I just don't think that AA is the only way. If it works for you, and I know it works for many, then definitely, definitely do it. But it just didn't personally for me.

Anyway, the source of my frustration: I have really, really been trying to find a good psychiatrist. I just had an appointment with a second one today. I have been open with both of them about my alcohol usage and both have tried to push me into AA. They didn't openly say, "Well I can't help you if you don't go to AA" but they both kept saying, "The alcohol is why you're depressed" and then proceeded to talk about the various meeting types. I do really need someone to talk to about all of my feelings that can help me get it out and sort it out, and I feel like if I get sober any way besides AA the therapist will consider me a "dry drunk" and just keep pushing AA. I finally agreed to go to some meetings today just to show that I want to change and am worth treating, but I just wish professionals in this field were more open. Does anyone have any thoughts?

I'm two days AF...I've gone up to nine days within the past month at one point before blowing it, but my motivation is back up and I'm feeling optimistic, despite the frustration with doctors. Hope everyone is doing well, especially Katie!

[Marshy]

Frustrated

Hi BellaC,

I saw a counsellor at a specialist alcohol/drug service. Never mentioned AA once! (Although I do go to AA now, I didn't then and it wasn't part of our discussions). Can you find a similar place? Which country are you in? Those services are easy to access in Britain.

Also, I think it helps if you post here as well as reading. It's good to get support for yourself as well as learning from other people's experiences.

[sidney]

Frustrated

This was a a number of years ago. But my therapist in Canada, she helped me on a individual basis. And never once mentioned AA. However, she was not a Doctor.

[techie]

Frustrated

There is another alternative to AA called life Ring. I have not attended this myself but know others that have. They too were dissatisfied with AA for different reasons. I was told LR is much less structured and that they had a very positive experience attending LR meeting!

General Information About LifeRing Meetings

[Doggygirl]

Frustrated

My Way Out is an AA alternative. Have you downloaded the book to give it a read? That's the official program I started out with.

SMART Recovery is another AA alternative. There is an on-line program and also face to face meetings in some areas.

I think the important thing is to be willing to do whatever it takes for YOU to be sober. There are several things (including AA!) that I said I would NEVER do. But in the end, they have helped me stay sober.

Whatever works for you!

DG

[Cinders]

Frustrated

Hello, Bella,

I know your frustration, too.

I like AA and go to meetings but even though I try very hard to follow the 12 Steps, I have other issues that are simply not being addressed by AA and get very much in the way of my sobriety.

Being optimistic is good. It means a lot to staying sober. I know that when I get frustrated with my head chatter, I often fall down.

I have no idea where you live but I have been looking around for a long term rehab that is NOT 12 Step in the event I fall yet one more time. (I am optimistic that I won't, though!!)

Again, not because I don't like AA or believe in getting sober with AA but three years of trying very hard to be faithful to AA and the 12 Steps is still finding me binge drinking from time to time. I will use every weapon in my arsenal to get well and I hope you will, too.

So, all that said, I have Googled and found two places I am considering. I am going to sit down with my husband, let him read their websites and hear what he has to say about the best option. He knows me better than I do at times.

I am also going to talk with them at length on the phone.

You might want to try good old Google. (or Bing, if you prefer..)

The very best of luck to you and prayers for your sobriety. We all deserve to be sober and happy. I think that is what you are trying to say.

Cindi

[Guest]

Frustrated

I think this has been discussed in another section but most find they need to remove AL from your life before you can deal with underlying issues. I tried just about everything including AA. In the end I found myself a private counsellor who clicked with myself. She was straight with me after a couple of sessions. She needed to know how I dealt with life in general and, whilst I was sober for perhaps a couple of days so I could attend the sessions, the remainder were spent under a cloud of alcohol(or the thought of drinking). In other words the issues needed to arise so she could help me with them - and for as long as I continued drinking she could not help me. This required myself to get intially AF. Made a lot of sense and I was in such a dark state that I was so fed up of feeling cr@p I simply gave it a go. We stayed in touch every day at first and she was able to assist if anything major did arise. All I had to do was use the most basic tools and then she guided me with the learning to live bit.

At the moment I'm doing more of the dealing with life bit myself, as I've learned a lot about myself and what makes me tick. We've even addressed some quite serious stuff and I'm only 10 weeks dry. If I hadn't removed AL from the equation I know I'd never have been able to progress like this.

My point is this is two step process (1) get the mind altering substance out of the way before you can (2) find out what/how to deal with life and yourself. The first bit requires a lot of effort from yourself initially as it's only you who can not pick up the first drink. There are lots of suggestions on how to deal with cravings etc on here which are very useful. For me it was just keeping things simple.

Going back to AA step 1 is all about removing the AL, remaining 11 steps are about dealing with life. Number 1 has to be done first. I am not an AAer but most of what they do say is true.

[KateH1]

Frustrated

My point is this is two step process (1) get the mind altering substance out of the way before you can (2) find out what/how to deal with life and yourself. The first bit requires a lot of effort from yourself initially as it's only you who can not pick up the first drink. There are lots of suggestions on how to deal with cravings etc on here which are very useful. For me it was just keeping things simple.

Going back to AA step 1 is all about removing the AL, remaining 11 steps are about dealing with life. Number 1 has to be done first. I am not an AAer but most of what they do say is true.[/QUOTE] UKblonde

I think that UK hit the nail on the head! The first step is to remove the alcohol, then the body can begin to heal. The brain is a huge part of this. The fact is that alcohol does indeed change the way that we think and deal with life. Even when we have sober times, sober days and weeks, we are still affected.

Not too long ago Hippie started a great thread on how each of us think that our situation in "Unique", the "reasons" that we drink are unique to all others, when the truth is, we are not unique, we are alcoholics, we drink because we have conditioned ourselves over times to use a mind altering substance to cope with every emotions, good and bad. The only ways to change this is to do the hard work to stop drinking and then the even tougher job of relearning how to live in the Now, feeling ALL of our feelings and dealing with life without the escape of a mind altering substance!

Best Wishes, BellaC!
Kate

[Flip Top]

Frustrated

Marshy;881359 wrote: Hi BellaC,

I saw a counsellor at a specialist alcohol/drug service. Never mentioned AA once! (Although I do go to AA now, I didn't then and it wasn't part of our discussions). Can you find a similar place? Which country are you in? Those services are easy to access in Britain.

Also, I think it helps if you post here as well as reading. It's good to get support for yourself as well as learning from other people's experiences.

I'll go with this one- I did the same and no AA was mentioned.

These are the people I used - Not sure if they will be in your area but they maybe able to pass you on to some closer.

SADAS or ACORN my doctor keeps saying

These are people that sort out counseling in this specific field.....

[Guest]

Frustrated

Yep we have CADAS in my area but to be honest they are very limited. 6 1 hour sessions and during those they can only suggest and advise. I found it didn't go deep enough and decided to go find my own counsellor. Remember there is the private sector out there which enables you to pick and choose. It doesn't cost as much as you think either and is a fraction of the amount you would spend on AL.

[Flip Top]

Frustrated

Ukblonde;882343 wrote: Yep we have CADAS in my area but to be honest they are very limited. 6 1 hour sessions and during those they can only suggest and advise. I found it didn't go deep enough and decided to go find my own counsellor. Remember there is the private sector out there which enables you to pick and choose. It doesn't cost as much as you think either and is a fraction of the amount you would spend on AL.

Mine were different and I did find they went quite in depth past, relationships etc and I got 12 sessions.... The only thing I that was annoying was that I had my car accident and had to split the sessions with a massive break in between.

[Marshy]

Frustrated

I went to Turning Point (self-referred, not through my doc)
Turning Point - The UK's leading social care organisation
and was offered six months of counselling. I ended up only going for three months because I felt that was enough at the time, but I can go back in future if I want to. It helped me a lot.

[Flip Top]

Frustrated

Marshy;882371 wrote: I went to Turning Point (self-referred, not through my doc)
Turning Point - The UK's leading social care organisation
and was offered six months of counselling. I ended up only going for three months because I felt that was enough at the time, but I can go back in future if I want to. It helped me a lot.

Thats the same with Sadas, its just good to talk to someone for an 1hr each week - When mine came to the end they had actually forgot to tell me until the last appointment to tell me that was my last session, which wasnt good.