Relapse Prevention

[hippie37]

My first serious attempt to quit drinking happened nearly 16 years ago when I was hospitalised due to amphetamine poisoning. I was in and out of consciousness. I was convulsing to the point that every muscle in my body was so tightly tensed that I couldn't move. I couldn't breath properly and to add to all of this; I was seriously panicking that I was going to die. The thought of dying terrified me at such a young age. I was only 25 and I still had my whole life ahead of me.

It was at this point that I decided to address my issues with drink and drugs. I had this great theory that if I could stop drinking I would stop using drugs. I very rarely picked up drugs unless I'd been drinking first. Little did I realise at the time that I was actually trying to make a difference not in my own life, but in the life's of others (my family) who had seen me go through this terrible ordeal. I can honestly say that I was still terrified of dying and I swore to stop using amphetamine the day I came out of hospital; though many years later I was to re-enter hospital on Xmas eve due to using amphetamine.

I approached a local drug/alcohol agency and I attended my first AA meeting a few nights later. Although I identified with people in the room I was convinced I was not like these people. I was too young; and as I explained earlier I was going to AA and counseling to alleviate the shame I felt particularly with my mum.

After a few months of attending one meeting a week and in the process, clearing my conscience of any 'wrong doing' :H I was ready to drink again. This lasted well over 10 years, with numerous attempts AGAIN and AGAIN to stop drinking during this time.

The familiar pattern for relapse for me over these years though was simply I didn't have a desire to stop drinking. I was in a continual pattern of negative thinking, always thinking that the "grass is greener on the other side" as well. All of my relapses were full blown relapses as well because in actual fact I was still caught up in the addictive behaviours that would define me as a "dry drunk in denial"

Looking back though I can see that there were familiar patterns for relapse which I can work on today. As most will know I use the 12 step program and fellowship for that. Some familiar patterns I have that warn me of a psychological relapse are; isolation, (I'm good at that one!) negative thinking (I'm worthless, I'm feeling unloved, etc.), thinking I'm 'cured' instead of recovered, self pity, avoiding going to meetings, stopping phoning people. These are just a few of the warning signs for me that can then lead into old behavioural patterns again.

The reason I'm posting this is because even though I'm 16 1/2 months sober I can still delude myself and tell myself I'm alright and things are going OK at times when in actual fact they're not. This has happened only recently where my behavioural patterns of addiction have become even more apparent to me. I'm still like a cat on a hot tin roof bouncing from one thing to the next. I've gone through behavioural patterns of addiction with food, facebook, women, internet porn and finally the big one that made me wake up to myself MUSIC. I've NEVER (to my knowledge) used music addictively yet suddenly the other day it hit me like a brick. Music has and always will be a medium that allows me to feed my spirit and become connected to the whole. Yet this past week I've been feeling completely head wrecked because the addiction has manifested with an obsession to search and find the most amazing and wonderful pieces of music that will allow me to do that. Although I was aware of the warning signs with isolating, self pity, feeling rejected and worthless, not phoning my sponsor I continued to tell myself "I can handle this one on my own!".

Any one of us can relapse at any time no matter how much sobriety you have. So ask yourselves. Do you have a relapse prevention plan in place? Do you know your patterns of behaviour that can lead into a physical relapse? Our physical relapses will always be preceded by a psychological one I believe so if you don't, then it's something you will definitely need to have in order to stay stopped. Putting down the drink is only the tip of the iceberg. If you want to stay stopped you have to look at preventing future relapses from happening.

This is a quite a long article but it's worth reading even if only to get some identification with. Especially for those that have relapsed in the past.

Relapse Prevention An Overview of Marlatt's Cognitive-Behavioral Model | Alcohol Research & Health | Find Articles at BNET


Thank God I finally put action in to make the changes I needed. I may not of relapsed right away, it may of taken months to be honest. But I was definitely a prime candidate if things were to progress any further for me.

Keep sane!
Many Blessings
Phil

[paula]

Relapse Prevention

Very interesting and thought provoking. Thanks Hippie.

[SoFlo1]

Relapse Prevention

hippie37;883202 wrote:
This is a quite a long article but it's worth reading even if only to get some identification with. Especially for those that have relapsed in the past.

Relapse Prevention An Overview of Marlatt's Cognitive-Behavioral Model | Alcohol Research & Health | Find Articles at BNET

Thanks Phil, that IS an interesting article, I especially like the part about "apparently irrelevant decisions", I think I've made those in the past in setting myself up. The other part I found valuable is on how a person perceives a relapse and what it means to their ultimate recovery (the terms lapse and relapse seem useful to me):

Marlatt and Gordon (1980, 1985) have described a type of reaction by the drinker to a lapse called the abstinence violation effect, which may influence whether a lapse leads to relapse. This reaction focuses on the drinker's emotional response to an initial lapse and on the causes to which he or she attributes the lapse. People who attribute the lapse to their own personal failure are likely to experience guilt and negative emotions that can, in turn, lead to increased drinking as a further attempt to avoid or escape the feelings of guilt or failure. Furthermore, people who attribute the lapse to stable, global, internal factors beyond their control (e.g., "I have no willpower and will never be able to stop drinking") are more likely to abandon the abstinence attempt (and experience a full-blown relapse) than are people who attribute the lapse to their inability to cope effectively with a specific high-risk situation. In contrast to the former group of people, the latter group realizes that one needs to "learn from one's mistakes" and, thus, they may develop more effective ways to cope with similar trigger situations in the future.

Thanks again for the article again, it's bookmarked for me to further digest...

[anon]

Relapse Prevention

Thanks. A difficult article to read but makes absolute sense.

[NewGirl2010]

Relapse Prevention

Thanks for posting this article and providing your own insight about relapse. I have been thinking a lot about relapse as I somehow talked myself into having some wine several weeks ago. I was concerned that that wine was the beginning of a return to AL. Its nice to see that it is not inevitable and it depends on your perceptions regarding the lapse. I looked at my lapse as a mistake that I could learn from and didn't dwell on guilt and self abuse. The outcome is a return to these message boards. I forgot how helpful the wisdom of others is!

[Chillgirl]

Relapse Prevention

hippie37;883202 wrote:
The reason I'm posting this is because even though I'm 16 1/2 months sober I can still delude myself and tell myself I'm alright and things are going OK at times when in actual fact they're not. This has happened only recently where my behavioural patterns of addiction have become even more apparent to me. I'm still like a cat on a hot tin roof bouncing from one thing to the next. I've gone through behavioural patterns of addiction with food, facebook, women, internet porn and finally the big one that made me wake up to myself MUSIC. I've NEVER (to my knowledge) used music addictively yet suddenly the other day it hit me like a brick. Music has and always will be a medium that allows me to feed my spirit and become connected to the whole. Yet this past week I've been feeling completely head wrecked because the addiction has manifested with an obsession to search and find the most amazing and wonderful pieces of music that will allow me to do that. Although I was aware of the warning signs with isolating, self pity, feeling rejected and worthless, not phoning my sponsor I continued to tell myself "I can handle this one on my own!".

Phil

This is completely off the subject of relapse but some of your coments got me thinking about where addictions & compulsions become obsessions & passions. If we look at most geniuses have they not been obsessed by there lifes work in order to achieve great things be it medically, geographically, scientifically or artistically? When does a great passion in life become an addiction? When asked what it felt like to have failed at producing a lightbulb so many times, Thomas Edison replied "I havent failed, I know of 25,000 ways not to produce a lightbulb". Was the passion and drive he must have had an addiction? When mountaineers want to conquer Everest and it consumes their every waking minute surely this becomes a compulsion? Therefore does this mean there is such a thing as a healthy addiction?

[Doggygirl]

Relapse Prevention

I really enjoyed reading your post Hippie and also everyone's comments so far. What your post got me thinking about was the thinking that preceded my own relapse in 2007. At the time I drank, it seemed to "come out of the blue" that decision to drink. But in reality, the decision process started long before the act of drinking.

I was toying with ideas of drinking moderately (hahahaha) at least in small part. On the surface, I knew better but had still not accepted my alcoholism 100%. I believe that left the door open for relapse. I think this was the biggest contributing factor.

I was playing with fire - I had alcohol in the house. I tried to tell myself it was proof that I could stay sober. In reality, it was a convenience that made relapse all that much easier.

While I avoided most situations where AL was present, I did NOT avoid all of them. And I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I was with people who were drinking when I decided to drink. At 60 days AF, I was certainly not ready for that.

I know that I cannot afford to pull back from AA meetings or MWO check ins. That would surely be a sign that I was moving away from sobriety and toward relapse.

The more I get out of myself and do those things that I am learning to do with the guidance of the steps, the more contented I feel in my sobriety. If I drift away from this program, I start feeling irritable and discontent - I now recognize that as a bad sign - a sign that I need to tighten up my sobriety program.

Chill, I'm not so sure that any addictions are healthy. In the example you gave of Thomas Edison, while there was a good outcome (light bulbs) I'm not so sure the obsession / addiction / whatever was healthy for HIM. I see my husband get obsessed like that with projects from time to time. There might be a good outcome from the project itself, but it's not necessarily good for HIM. Sometimes great things come at a high price. For myself, I was always raised to believe that being a high achiever was important. These days, I'm more inclined to pursue the concept of balance, and try to figure out what that means for me.

Thanks for the link too!

DG

[Cinders]

Relapse Prevention

Phil,

This is such an important topic. Thank you for sharing your story and the link.

All of us are afraid of relapse and don't want to think about it but hiding our heads in the sand only makes us more vulnerable.

This time out the gate, I am determined to make conscious decisions about what I do, where I go, who I am with. I am willing to change only one thing to stay sober, that is everything.

I had been given this to study while in rehab last time but did not take the time to read it and think about it. Posting the link today jarred my memory and let me go back and read this now that I am ready to read it.

Thank you,
Cindi