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[TryingtoSmile]

I have looked at this forum before but have only just arrived because I was scared. I am scared typing this because it is the first time in my life that I will be admitting to anyone other than me that there is a problem. I think alcohol has been a problem for most of my adult life. I come from a family with a lot of addictive behaviours. I am not using this as an excuse I'm just saying that I probably never had appropriate coping strategies modelled for me. I do not drink in the day and fortunately it has never affected my work. I say fortunately because I love my job. I also love my boyfriend very much - we are on opposite sides of the world at the moment and no doubt this has not helped as I get very lonely in the evenings even though we talk all the time on the phone. Last week I decided it was time to go alchohol free. You see I am not too bad in the week because of work but I drink way too much on the weekends and time off. When I drink I am not a nice person either. The other week I went out drinking with a friend and now she is not my friend because I said things that hurt her. I also pick arguments with my boyfriend when I drink because I miss him and I am not rational because I have been drinking. I'm sorry this is long, but in for a penny in for a pound. This problem has made me scared and lonely and I have to admit to someone - even if I am too chicken to do it face to face- that there is a problem. Last night I phoned the AA help line and I finished the call feeling totally humilitated. The man who answered the phone was harsh and uncaring and he told me if I wasn't prepared to attend a meeting then there was no point in me bothering to call. I tried to explain that I just needed to talk to someone but he wasn't interested, he just gave me the time and location of the next meeting and I hung up. So as I was saying last week I decided to go a/f. I did Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and I was surprised at how this effected me. I had trouble sleeping and I felt insecure and the eveneing seemed long and boring. On the other hand I felt free and happy like I didn't have a secret to keep anymore. Then I spent the rest of the week with just a couple of glass of wine each night. Then came the weekend and once again I was back to square one. I only drink wine and it is only in the evenings but I know it is out of control because if it wasnt then going without wouldn't be such a big deal. I also need to save money and if it was under my control then I wouldnt be spending my money on wine when I can't afford it. So I have a goal, I am here to ask for your help to achieve it. In 5 weeks time I am catching a flight to see my boyfriend. By that time I want to have this problem completely under control. Before that I want to have it under enough control that he still wants to see me in 5 weeks! I've lost a friend recently and I don't want to lose the man I love. Btw - ironically my boyfriend really hates the effect of alcohol and the impact it has on people. I want to be the person he thinks I am. I gave up smoking three years ago and was so happy to be free. Now I want to be happy and free from this. Please help me

[Doggygirl]

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Hi trying and :welcome: I can relate to so much of what you said. I struggled alone with the knowledge that I had an alcohol problem, and the fear of telling anyone about it for a very long time. I'm happy for you that you have come forward and asked for help. That is such an important step!!

I also reached a point where I would get very mean when I drank and say regretable things to my husband and other important people in my life. The only way for me to gain "control" and for bad consequences to stop happening was to stop drinking.

Have you downloaded the My Way Out book from the Health Store? That is a great place to start.

Best wishes on your journey!

DG

[TryingtoSmile]

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Wow thank you for such a fast repsonse I really appreciate it. I haven't downloaded the book, I will go look now thank you.

[Doggygirl]

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You are welcome. More good reading can be found on this thread: Toolbox

I like to try focusing on one day at a time. I will not drink for today.

DG

[TryingtoSmile]

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I bought the pdf version and I got a receipt but no link to the file?

[Doggygirl]

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It's been so long ago I'm trying to recall how that worked. Maybe you get the link via e-mail? Make sure to keep checking e-mail. And if you don't end up with a link soon, contact the customer service function through the health store. My experience with them has been very good, although I'm not sure if they have people working on Sunday.

DG

[papmom3]

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Hi TryingToSmile and Welcome!!
Yes, your link will come via email so remember to check your junk or spam box. If I remember correctly it came instantaneously. There is also an update to the program in terms of the supplements that is a pdf that you click on and can print out for free. Go to this link before you buy the supplements: http://www.mywayout.org/supps/update.pdf.

I too was a night only drinker but I drank every nite. I was what some people have described as a High Functioning Alcoholic. I held down 3 jobs, took care of 5 animals, was a Super Auntie and daughter/sister and still found time to train for dog agility. By the end I was calling in sick once a week at least due to hangovers, I was neglecting my dogs and cats (I would pass out before I fed them) and I was making more and more a fool of myself at family gatherings. I also was pretty much a hermit when I wasn't working or doing agility. My health was also seriously declining with HBP and severe GRD and now borderline diabetes and possible loss of kidney function.
Since starting this program my energy has returned, my family is very proud of me and supports me and my animals are getting more attention than they know what to do with. After 2 months of horrible sleep not having AL to depend upon, I am finally sleeping better than I have my whole life. I credit the supplements and this community with helping to achieve what I have so far.
I am very sorry you have had a bad experience with your first attempt at AA. I don't think it is a normal experience but since I've never tried it I can't say for sure. there are many people here that augment their recovery with AA so maybe they can help you understand what happened.

Please feel free to visit the Newbies Nest in this section. We are a fun and crazy bunch of people who support each other immensely in this journey. We would love to see you pop in.

Good luck to you and remember to read, read, read, post, post, post. You can do this and it will get easier. I can't promise you'll have this problem totally under control in 5 weeks. That is a very tall order and if you don't live up to that aspiration, you may fall back even further. Please take it ODAT and know that every day you are sober and AF is a victory and a day that you learned something about yourself. How can your BF not love that?

:l

[techie]

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Welcome Tryingtosmile. I see doggygirl has given you a great intro. So, I'd like to wish you the best of luck in you journey. We look forward to hearing much more from you!

[TryingtoSmile]

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thanks all. I emailed them and there was a mistake, they sent me the link straight away - great service!
Thank you for you welcome. Not sure what to do next lol, but I will be reading the posts in the forums and trying to be as a good of a member as I can be.

[spuddleduck]

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hi and welcome tryingtosmile. you have found a great place here for support and advice. keep reading and posting. you will find you are not alone in your struggles

[sk8punk]

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Welcome trying. As the others have mentioned you're not alone here. Best of luck to you.

[TryingtoSmile]

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Thank you

[woywoyboy]

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Welcome Trying2. I'm new here as well and this is a great place with so much support and info. Have you looked at the toolbox section? It's a really great help.

[TryingtoSmile]

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Thank you - I'll have a look

[mayday]

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Hi Trying2smile,
Welcome, you've come to the right place, it is a safe place and you are among friends...
I... like you plucked up the courage just over a week ago to put my problem out there in black and white!.. it was scarey but also a great relief really, especially when you start getting so much positive and supportive feedback. I can't give a huge amount of advise only to say that from day1 I made a plan of how I was going to do this, I got lots of tips and info from the toolbox and other peoples posting, I am now 7 days alcohol free and feeling great. Have had really busy long days at work and a party at the weekend, all these things would normally have seen me downing at least a bottle of wine a night(if not more) ...but I didn't ...and the things that helped me were, keeping close to this site in the first 2-3 days absorbing all the good advice, changing my normal pattern of the way I do things (just a little bit, so that I didn't get into trouble in that'witching' hour) and exercising.
You are strong enough..its just the question of how you tap into your strength and I guess thats why we are all here, this site is a great source

Good luck..read lots, keep close and keep posting, you never know who you will help, as well as yourself..:welcome: