Make or Break

[mayday]

When a family member becomes addicted to alcohol it affects the whole family.
No one is sure what to do or how to react.
Family members must be strong with the addict ...so as not to enable them to continue.
When you reach rock bottom...you have to realise it is YOUR responsibility to rebuild your life.
YOU must claw your way back.
Family and friends are really make or break in :thanks:this effort..please be supportive...

[johnnyh]

Make or Break

Hi Mayday.

Having the support of your family is a great thing and I am grateful for it!!! Having your family not support can be hurting, make it difficult and is just awful.

However, not having the support of ones family shouldn't be holding anyone up from giving sobriety one's best shot. Family could not be supporting for many and probably some valid reasons. The hurt I have caused them in the past... their own problems which they can't see past... family history...the not understanding of alcoholism.

Obvisously particularly difficult if ones partner has a drinking problem and isn't prepared to quit or ones friends.

I believe sobriety has got to be the highest goal. If that means not to be around that family member, friend in this case it might well be the right thing to do. You can't help them either when you're still drunk, right?!

So yeay to family support. It really is great for all those that have it. It really, really helps. But those that don't, please don't be discouraged. Prove your point and the support might just come. You will have a better life then on AL in anycase.

Thanks for your post Mayday

[Guest]

Make or Break

Can you be a bit more specific mayday?
Is your family giving you a hard time? There's no doubt that support helps and you'll get it from us. Tell us more then we can tailor our responses.

[mayday]

Make or Break

Apologies for the rambly post..it was actually a poem I found and wasn't meant to be posted quite like that, when I was preveiwing it I inadvertantly posted it then didn't know how to edit it (I do now)...Thanks Johnnyh and Blueheeler.

I am feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed by this whole alcohol issue and trying to find my way back to the 'aha' moment I had when I first joined here..I cant even remember what triggered it but am trying desperately to get back there!
By nature I am a positive person, so am looking for ways to move on and not be overwhelmed, but at this stage I seem to be stuck!
I dont have family support at the moment but wish that was possible, and am hopeful it will be in the future as I think I will benefit hugely from it but am not strong enough yet to ask for it.
In the last week I became aware of how badly my drinking had effected my youngest daughter as I found an essay she was writing for school, and it was about her Mum waking up with a hangover..ect ect, the shame is unbearable I cannot even think about it without crying.
I then felt that it would probably be good to talk with someone I trusted, so I plucked up the courage and confided in a good friend at work, telling her of my struggle to break the habit of drinking. A couple of days later we attend a meeting at work (I am in senior management for a large organisation) in which she mentioned my problems in the meeting and made a joke of it...the shame and embarassment has been beyond belief!
I know I cant dwell on yesterday
..Am really hoping this next week I will find my way out

[tlrgs]

Make or Break

mayday just hang in there and take it but one day at a time

[mario]

Make or Break

I know I cant dwell on yesterday
..Am really hoping this next week I will find my way out....mayday


Hi mayday, your right you cant dwell on yesterday its done & dusted,start today as in now,There is lots of support & great advice here,people who dont have an alcoholic/drink problem will never understand what we all go through thats why imo its best to share your thoughts and feelings here,This journey you are now on will take lots of time & patence,but it can & will be done.goodluck hope to see you around.:-)

[mama bear]

Make or Break

Oh MayDay...I can't believe she betrayed you like that! That's horrible...
I have talked with both of my boys honestly about my issue...it doesn't make it any easier, but at least I have opened the door.....my hubs get pretty disgusted.......so I am still working on that....
best of luck to you my friend...get thru today...then we'll worry about tomorrow!!

[dancelot]

Make or Break

Hi, Mayday - I agree with Mario. The past is done, we can't change it, tomorrow is not here yet and isn't guaranteed anyway. We have today, and that's where our focus needs to be.

I had to accept that even the unsavory and embarrassing parts of life were part of me, as well as the good. Once I looked them in the eye, acknowledged them, didn't gloss them over by minimizing them, an interesting thing happened. I was able put them in the past and begin to focus on now. A huge burden that got heavier as the years went on was gone, and then the healing can begin. Day by day, I can change how I live to something way more positive. Small steps every day ad up to something big.

Reading you daughter's writing I know was heartbreaking, but could that be the catalyst to change? Personally, when I felt I had just hit a wall, and had to face I could no longer do this, I was ready. That feeling of "enough is enough". There's a saying that we are on an elevator going down, but can decide which floor to get off on - our "bottom". It does not have to be the sub basement or skid row.

I grew up with a high functioning alcoholic father. I was really disgusted with him at many points. However, once he became sober, the good, kind, man who was a wonderful storyteller was back, and I eventually forgave him and now remember those good parts and am glad to have had them back. We show them by how we live, not just by what we say.

As far as co - workers, friends, etc - unless they've lived what we are, they really truly don't get it. My best friend didn't believe I was an alcoholic - I hid it good in my middle age. I was kind of hurt, I admit. I felt I'd confided something very personal and it was sort of blown off as not real by a person I felt close to. MWO is a safe place where we all get you, so I'd stick to here. If you ever need real live support, organizations like AA are there.

Anyway, I wish you the best. Please take care - much love to you. - Dance :h

[KateH1]

Make or Break

Hi Mayday,
Lots of great input and support here! It sounds like you are fed up and ready to make a change! It sounds like these recent events, though unpleasant, have opened your eyes to the fact that your drinking is affecting those around you, at home and at work. You may choose to dwell on that coworker for exposing "your problem" and, you might even be somewhat justified to do so. But the fact remains, what are you going to do now? You cannot change the past, it is over. But, you can change the future! Many of us, have been where you are right now, even worse! But today we are living happy, sober lives, without the shame and guilt and fear of exposure. You can do it too!

Best Wishes!
Kate

[johnnyh]

Make or Break

Oh Mayday, I'm so sorry for your experience. I know how much courage it must have taken you to confide in your friend/co-worker.

I know this is a red light for many ppl/ a no go zone and doesn't work for everyone. But there is power in admitting your problem to yourself and other people. Have you ever considered going to an AA meeting?! Even if you don't talk just listen to other people confessing their own battles with AL? Just an idea? I took the guts to go to one 2 weeks ago after having fought off that thought for years. And it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. The people were so lovely and I felt comforted being around people that understood my walk.

Just saying that if your situation is that your frinds really can't understand you and sympathise with you, maybe you can find some new friends who will?

I also understand how heartbreaking it must be for you with your daughter. But you WILL be able to beat this. You WILL. And one day I'm sure you will have a very proud daugther that will say that her mother with all her fighting spirit managed to become a person of sober habits

There is hope Mayday, there is. You cannot indeed change the past. But you have the power to change the future. Admitting you're powerless over AL which you have, is the beginning of that

[Guest]

Make or Break

G'day Mayday. I'm being repetitive today. Look at the post 'Forever Grateful' in today's General Discussion forum. It is an inspiration and one of the reasons that being here can be life-changing.

[mayday]

Make or Break

Thank you one and all...I will reply in depth later, I soooo much appreciate your support...have worked very long days in the last week so havent had time to be here on this site... but thankfully am remaining alcohol free (surprisingly actually) ...Much Luv and positive warm fuzzies