Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

[rebirth]

It's day 23 for me and I am really proud of this but I am behaving like a teenager at times and I am finding this new part of me really worrying. The slightest mishap sends me almost into a rage. And within seconds!
I had an arguement with my partner yesterday who stormed out of the house in the end. Without going into detail, I could have dealt with the situation in a more mature approach but instead I became literally hysterical.I just flipped. I coould have smashed all the plates in the kitchen. It wasnt even his fault the poor man. Even I was shocked at my outrage!
What's wrong with me??

I have also noticed that I am becoming startled by noise and I am checking things over in an obsessive manner. I once counted the number of times I checked to see if my front door was locked. EIGHT times. and even at the last checked I literally tried to pull the handle off to almost prove to myself that it wasnt locked. It was. Oh dear....

I cant keep behaving this way otherwise no one will want to be around me! I was hoping that being AF would make me a more calmer person. I am drinking aloe vera everyday. Could that be triggering it? I am also exhausted.

On the flip side, I didnt go to the off license yesterday and drowned my self pity in drink. So that's a major step forward for me. Still, I dont feel good about how I treated my partner yesterday.Not at all. Being AF is exhilarating but very odd. Maybe I need councilling??

Any advise would be greatly appreciated please. x

[JACQRABBIT]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Hello Rebirth,

I know nothing of your anger issues but I can say that in the 1st 2 weeks I felt physically flat, absolutely bloody exhausted.

In the 3rd week my MWO starter pack arrived and I took everything religiously by the provided book.
This helped enormously with the fatigue and also the cravings, and thinking about it, I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't help to even out my mood .

Good luck and sensational job on 23 days.
Well done :goodjob::goodjob:

[rebirth]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Hi Jacqrabbit,
Thanks for your encouragement. Hmmm...maybe its me then. I could possibly be a very angry person. But I will take a look at the MWO starter pack. How do you feel in your third month?

[Guest]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Try St. Johns Wort. Better still talk to your doctor. Having come this far it's worth getting some extra help if you need it.

[bugz]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

rebirth;896035 wrote: It's day 23 for me and I am really proud of this but I am behaving like a teenager at times and I am finding this new part of me really worrying. The slightest mishap sends me almost into a rage. And within seconds!
I had an arguement with my partner yesterday who stormed out of the house in the end. Without going into detail, I could have dealt with the situation in a more mature approach but instead I became literally hysterical.I just flipped. I coould have smashed all the plates in the kitchen. It wasnt even his fault the poor man. Even I was shocked at my outrage!
What's wrong with me??

I have also noticed that I am becoming startled by noise and I am checking things over in an obsessive manner. I once counted the number of times I checked to see if my front door was locked. EIGHT times. and even at the last checked I literally tried to pull the handle off to almost prove to myself that it wasnt locked. It was. Oh dear....

I cant keep behaving this way otherwise no one will want to be around me! I was hoping that being AF would make me a more calmer person. I am drinking aloe vera everyday. Could that be triggering it? I am also exhausted.

On the flip side, I didnt go to the off license yesterday and drowned my self pity in drink. So that's a major step forward for me. Still, I dont feel good about how I treated my partner yesterday.Not at all. Being AF is exhilarating but very odd. Maybe I need councilling??

Any advise would be greatly appreciated please. x

I think the checking the door if it's locked is normal, at least for me
I go and smoke before bed now and when I was drinking and I always
checked if the door was locked more then once because when I was drunk
my memory was shot and i blacked out a lot..... now I do it simply out of habit
without even thinking about it before I go to sleep... it's all those blackouts
I had in the past..... just imagine how many times you checked your door locks
when you were blacked out drunk...


my 2 cents...

[Zeppie2]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Hi rebirth - congrats on your 23 days - give it a while longer and see if anything changes. You could be an angry person but at least you recognise that you were acting inappropriately. I have realised that I am a bit of a hot head since I became sober - I'm sure I always have been but was just too drunk to notice or perhaps blamed being drunk for my mood.

Hope you figure it out
zeppie

[Gaia]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Hi there and congratulations on 23 days!

I would think that you have to give it some time. However, there's a term used called dry drunk (I think I hate this term, by the way), in which drinkers continue behaving like jerks even when they are not drinking. I'm not saying anything personally about you, just suggesting that drinking can mask a lot of things and if you are not drinking you may be trying to process other things.

Uh, are you male or female? Perhaps you may want to look at some ways of self reflection and spiritual growth. The approach may vary according to gender.

Best to you,
T.

[JACQRABBIT]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

rebirth;896042 wrote: Hi Jacqrabbit,
Thanks for your encouragement. Hmmm...maybe its me then. I could possibly be a very angry person. But I will take a look at the MWO starter pack. How do you feel in your third month?

The cravings have actually started to subside,
I no longer even feel like a drink Mid week which I never thought would happen,
up until recently AL occupied my every thought.
Feeling really good, being AF is getting to feel normal.

[rebirth]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Hi bugz - I think I was the opposite when I was a drunk. I was a walking disaster... left everything unlocked, my car, my house. Maybe I am trying to be the opposite but at an extreme level. Oh well. At least I know that I am locked in. lol at myself.
Hi zeppie2- was thinking the same...
Hi Gaia- I am a 30 year old woman. How is the approach different? I am intrigued now.
Thank you all. x

[twosox40]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Hello Rebirth,

I get angry sometimes a lot easier than I did when I was drinking, but I really believe it is all part of withdrawls. As for the door locking thing, I have been doing that forever, I honestly think I have a little OCD going on, I not only check the doors, but the stove as well and I have to touch every knob. I have been doing that for a long time now, I used to have my clothes folded a certain way to and if they were not, it would drive me nuts, but I have gotten over that.

Great Job on 23 days!!
Two

[wannachange]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Yessssssss I too lock my door, make sure its locked, then get my keys, wallet and phone go to my bedroom and lock that door too then get up to make sure I have my phone, keys and wallet and check if the door is locked, its not as bad as it used to be where I used to wake up to every little sound in my house - I am on day 20 or something and it seems to be getting easier. Hang in there, its different for everyone.

I too am intrigued as to how male and female spirituality differs and look forward to the response.

[Funny Girl]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Sheri - this article you posted is so timely. I just had a situation last night that culminated in me falling off the wagon. I ended up having 2 drinks. Not a lot, but I'd almost completed another month . . . . I'd been feeling really agitated the last 2 weeks and irritable. After reading this article, it seems that I probably was experiencing some of what is outlined as PAWS. Sounded like me to a "T". I especially seem to have situations triggered by one friend of mine in particular & he & I got into a big argument last night . . . it was awful. Anyway, I guess the decision is made now - I'll probably have to just eliminate this type of a situation if I want to stay sober in the future . . . .

Back to square 1 I go . . . .I sure hope this is going to get easier . . . .

[dancelot]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

PAWS sounds quite plausible. Definitely start the supplements if you haven't. Your brain and body are still adjusting, and will for awhile.

Sometimes it's another underlying issue that has been masked by AL for so long, you may not even be aware of it, but I'd start with the PAWS explanation and supplements. It will likely be clearer as the AF time gets longer. I have severe ADHD (it was there before I ever picked up a drink), and now that I am 10 months sober, I am having that treated again as well, and feel so much better and more comfortable in my sobriety. I used to check the door a lot, otherwise I was likely to leave the keys in the door, so OCD looking stuff was more a learned coping skill! I still do all my toolbox stuff too and pull out new ones if needed.

Funny Girl - Could this possibly be hormone related (the 2 weeks thing)? I know sometimes (not always anymore, so it can catch me off guard) I'll have worse PMS on top of anything else that is going on. I know in my own case, sometimes it's also an unconscious thing - a time of year, anniversary of something, certain people (my last remaining family member living the old family script and me falling into the trap) that triggers negative feelings. If i can figure it out, at least the understanding is a start. I found I have to up the supplements, really stick to the program, pray a lot, whatever.

This time of year (and around Christmas) I have to especially vigilant. Or at least aware,and acknowledge any negativity bubbling up. I don't dread it like I used to, just acknowledge it for what it is. Then it's easier to put in perspective. If the real emotional stuff comes up, I just have to go one day or hour or minute at a time. Back to basics. Eventually it gets better.

It is a process, and it will get easier. It doesn't happen overnight, but lots of little forward steps = progress. Hang in there you two - I never thought I could do it when I came here, but have proven myself wrong - in a good way! :h

[Guest]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

I've been checking things several times ever since I was broken into twice last year....but I think that's fairly normal considering!

[Funny Girl]

Is sobriety difficult or is it me???

Dancelot - thanks for the kind words. It's not the PMS thing - just did that . . . I've always had issues with being a bit agitated anyway (I've always felt that my substance abuse problems began in an attempt to self medicate), so when this is happening, I think I have to be super aware of situations & people that make things worse. I think I have to stay away from this person I was with totally if I hope to stay sober - it's sad that this has to be, but I see no other way. I tried to see him before after 7 weeks sober and ended up drinking again then, so . . . . . I hear it's normal to have to eliminate some people from your life when making these changes - it's just upsetting all around. What a lonely journey this will be for me . . .I'm very discouraged and depressed today. Maybe my reactions are heightened and I'm overreacting - I can't be sure. What rebirth describes is what I feel I'm doing whether it's been justified or not. It's all very confusing.