Desperate in South America

[sir_ryan]

Hi -

This is my first post here. Here's my story...

I'm a 33 year old male from the US. I've battled alcohol-dependency now for years, and I finally have admitted to myself and my family that I have a serious problem that can no longer be ignored.

Since college, I had various jobs in the US in several different cities. My life since then has always revolved around getting drunk. I've had many different problems because of my drinking; arrest for DUI, not being able to work (and eventually losing jobs), countless blackouts, financial disasters, personal injuries, broken bones, destroyed friendships, the list could keep going.....

I was an every other day drinker. I would either be having an 'on or off' day, meaning I'd be getting hammered or recovering. I'd get through the week only getting by thinking of the next opportunity to get drunk. I can no longer live like this.

The event that brought me to this was me coming home with my wife from a world cup party completely drunk. I wanted more alcohol, and my wife tossed the beer down the sink. I reacted by hitting her. Mind you, I cannot remember any of this - another blackout night. I ended up sleeping in a very dangerous situation on the street and my wife went to a friend's house. Thank god, we're both safe and sound tonight - and moving on.

My life is currently full of unique and very difficult challenges. I've recently moved to Brazil to be with my beautiful wife. I cannot even begin to say how difficult this has been, and I have a feeling it's caused my alcohol issues to be intensified to the point of being a HUGE PROBLEM. So now, it's time for me to face this problem....

So, here's where I am tonight:

I've stopped drinking for 3 days. My mind is completely swiss cheese. I keep telling myself that I can no longer drink at ALL (I've tried moderation...I can't do it), and my mind seems to be rebelling with me, causing horrible headaches and anxiety.

After a suggestion from my Aunt, I'm trying Dr. Olivier Ameisen's Baclofen schedule (I'll ask more questions about that on the med forum). I've tried AA in the past and I don't like it and it didn't work. I've tried moderation. I've tried quitting by myself. I've tried herbal stuff like Kava. NOTHING works, so at this point where I'm about to lose my wife and possibly my life I'm willing to try anything, so I hope the Baclofen can get me a bit of relief.

I'm trying to avoid my drinking buddies a bit. Brazil is a giant alcohol orgy during the world cup, so things are difficult. I'm struggling with thinking about how I can have fun without alcohol.

A few questions I have:

Do you guys know of a good 'program' that is very organized that I can start working on? I'd love to find something with spreadsheets and goals, as I'm a fairly detail oriented person.

Do you have any books you can recommend that aren't too preachy? I just started reading
Heal Thyself by Dr. Ameisen.

I've been looking for a good meditation method. Any ideas?

What other web forums are available and good?

Do you have any other general tips?

Thanks.

[Guest]

Desperate in South America

See my post to 'Pie' just below yours today. It's what I know.
Backbone is the key.

[greeneyes]

Desperate in South America

Hello ryan and :welcome: Good to see you wanting to change your life around. You won't regret it. Guess what? There IS fun without alcohol!! Who knew!! I think most of us here were suprised at that.

May I suggest a good read that comes right from this website. The MWO book. You can download it from the Health Store at the top of this page. I highly recommend the supplements. You can spreadsheet away on your own personalized plan for supplements, diet and exercise. There are others here who like spreadsheet approaches. I can't remember who offhand, but ask and they'll pop up. Two very important threads come to mind

Toolbox and What's Your Sobriety Plan? I'll bump them for you.

Best to you in your journey ryan. We're here to help.

[kslc2001]

Desperate in South America

Hi Ryan

This is a good place to start. No one judges here!! Have you looked into the My Way out program? You can download her book off the net. It is a 4 part program involving nutrition and suppliments, exercise, medication (topamax is the one she recommends) relaxing/hypnotic CDS. I have been following the program for 25 days now and have been off the topamax for a week as I wasn't getting any cravings, (untill tonight, which was a first for a while, but some relaxing tulsi tea and listening to subliminal CD has taken the edge away from wanting any wine!)
I started by making an appointment with my doc, downloaded the book, bought the CDS and began on the supplements suggested. I heard on the radio about the book your refering to but got to this one first.

Hope that helps

Good luck

[jessie]

Desperate in South America

:welcome:Welcome Ryan, the MWO book is a good place to start. We are all different and different things work for different people. The book by Allen Carr, The easy way to stop drinking, hit a button with me, as well as many hours spend in the quest for spiritual growth. ( I'm Christian and focussed on intensive and in depth Bible study.) Whether Christian, believer or atheist, I think all alcoholics can benefit by pastor Joe Fochts lecture on alcohol. The stats are frightening.
You are still young, I wish you victory in this new phase of your life.

[IAD]

Desperate in South America

It's tough when your overseas......I could tell you to go to AA...but if it's in Portuagise...your screwed. Stick around here....lot's of good advice along with some of the Herbals MWO offers. The tapes, etc. Try to find a AA meeting....possiblely the American Embasy....I'm sure they have an AA group their. (Just a thought) IAD

[sir_ryan]

Desperate in South America

Day 6 of no booze. Tomorrow will be especially hard with a world cup game here in Brazil, but I'm friggen determined!

[greeneyes]

Desperate in South America

Well done! Sounds like you've got what it takes! You can do it!!

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...lan-41280.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Gaia]

Desperate in South America

HI Ryan,

How are you today? Big day today!

If you like spreadsheets, why not make a cost/benefit analysis of the long term effects on your finances of drinking? Costs include the AL itself, additional medical costs, loss of income because you can't perform on the job, higher other costs because you're too hungover to plan well, the list can go on and on. Then decide your currency, and whether you are looking at real or nominal terms, and get an NPV. Voila! I think Smart Recovery uses some analytical tools too.

Or, if you want to just focus on the important thing, you can ask yourself: do you realize, yet, that AL is going to ruin your life if you don't stop? Who knows what could have happened to you in the streets.

I wish you the best.

Warmly,
T.

[hillsidetime]

Desperate in South America

Hi sir_ryan, and welcome. This is a great place to read and write lots, and there are many people who can really help you. It seems like you really truly want to make your life better and square off with alcohol. You asked for advice / feedback, so here you go from my point of view, hope it helps. This stuff is the coles notes of my experience and things I have learned here for starters, let me know if you want more.

- urge surfing is so important, understand that the crave to drink, in the early going is strong - the urges come like waves, they might be bigger or smaller, last longer or shorter, but one thing is for sure, they rise, and after a while they pass. Knowing this, allowed me to have power over the urge, and mentally battle it.
- keep lots of club soda/cold pop flavours around and in the fridge
- exercise
- vitamin D and omega oils (fish oil) daily
- don't worry about the social aspect right now - re telling people if you are no longer drinking - deal with that later
- get through today, and the days will add up
- don't EVER FORGET the evil devil that alcohol is, it will try to fool you and trick your brain, it is the most cunning of foes
- your drinking pattern seems similar to mine, for me bottom line, moderation is not an option, period.

Try to string together a week, and then two etc, all the best to you,
Hill

[sir_ryan]

Desperate in South America

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I've finished my first week without alcohol (don't think this has happened in 10 or more years) and I'm feeling STRESSED. My mother in law is still here for another day, and I'm experiencing seriously strong cravings for BOOZE.

Still taking the Baclofen, but it's making me so sleepy at times that I'm thinking of dropping the dosage a bit (up to 70mg).

Anyway, hope you guys have a good 4th there in the states.

[Ringing Cedars]

Desperate in South America

Great post Sheri! No surprise there....thank you!

[Bashley]

Desperate in South America

Watch todays game alone, away from drinking buddies if you can.

[sir_ryan]

Desperate in South America

Hi Guys,

Just checking in here with a question. I'm now 2 weeks AF (yay me) and am still determined. I have a question: How do I deal with my wife's ultimatum? I.E. "If you drink again, I will leave you" I'm finding this is just making me somewhat bitter about the whole experience. I understand her feelings. I get it. I don't, however, feel this type of ultimatum is helping me or our relationship - as we're both on pins and needles. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

[not tonight]

Desperate in South America

Sir Ryan,
I think you have to put it to one side. Focus on your sobriety one day at a time, chipping away at it bit by bit. What I have found is that getting sober is something I have had to do for myself. I hope this doesn't sound self-centred, but what I mean is that in order to achieve sobriety you have to decide that you really want it for yourself, not for anyone else.

Your wife is probably desperate, and believes that the threat of leaving might motivate change (I say this as someone who has used a similar strategy with my husband on other issues). She loves you, and wants you healthy.