This is my first post here. Here's my story...
I'm a 33 year old male from the US. I've battled alcohol-dependency now for years, and I finally have admitted to myself and my family that I have a serious problem that can no longer be ignored.
Since college, I had various jobs in the US in several different cities. My life since then has always revolved around getting drunk. I've had many different problems because of my drinking; arrest for DUI, not being able to work (and eventually losing jobs), countless blackouts, financial disasters, personal injuries, broken bones, destroyed friendships, the list could keep going.....
I was an every other day drinker. I would either be having an 'on or off' day, meaning I'd be getting hammered or recovering. I'd get through the week only getting by thinking of the next opportunity to get drunk. I can no longer live like this.
The event that brought me to this was me coming home with my wife from a world cup party completely drunk. I wanted more alcohol, and my wife tossed the beer down the sink. I reacted by hitting her. Mind you, I cannot remember any of this - another blackout night. I ended up sleeping in a very dangerous situation on the street and my wife went to a friend's house. Thank god, we're both safe and sound tonight - and moving on.
My life is currently full of unique and very difficult challenges. I've recently moved to Brazil to be with my beautiful wife. I cannot even begin to say how difficult this has been, and I have a feeling it's caused my alcohol issues to be intensified to the point of being a HUGE PROBLEM. So now, it's time for me to face this problem....
So, here's where I am tonight:
I've stopped drinking for 3 days. My mind is completely swiss cheese. I keep telling myself that I can no longer drink at ALL (I've tried moderation...I can't do it), and my mind seems to be rebelling with me, causing horrible headaches and anxiety.
After a suggestion from my Aunt, I'm trying Dr. Olivier Ameisen's Baclofen schedule (I'll ask more questions about that on the med forum). I've tried AA in the past and I don't like it and it didn't work. I've tried moderation. I've tried quitting by myself. I've tried herbal stuff like Kava. NOTHING works, so at this point where I'm about to lose my wife and possibly my life I'm willing to try anything, so I hope the Baclofen can get me a bit of relief.
I'm trying to avoid my drinking buddies a bit. Brazil is a giant alcohol orgy during the world cup, so things are difficult. I'm struggling with thinking about how I can have fun without alcohol.
A few questions I have:
Do you guys know of a good 'program' that is very organized that I can start working on? I'd love to find something with spreadsheets and goals, as I'm a fairly detail oriented person.
Do you have any books you can recommend that aren't too preachy? I just started reading
Heal Thyself by Dr. Ameisen.
I've been looking for a good meditation method. Any ideas?
What other web forums are available and good?
Do you have any other general tips?
Thanks.
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