sick and tired of sobriety

[kslc2001]

28 days sober and I have well and truely had enough!!! I'm not getting any benefit from this. Emotionally I am a wreck, taking my temper out on everyone like a spoilt child. Physically, I'm sleeping better than I have in years but I miss my dreams. I used to have very lucid dreams that where a great comfort to me when I was down. That's gone... I'm gaining strength from working out and exercising more, but I have no stamina. I can't push myself aerobically. When I do I nearly collapse. I liked the person I was, calmer, more easy going. It took me along while to get there from a horrendous upbringing that left me hating and despising myself. I don't like the way I feel anymore. It reminds me of the past. I know by instinct that what ever is wrong with me has nothing to do with AL. It links in to how my muscles use energy (or in my case not) But because it IS instinct, no-one will believe me, so I've abstained to placate my doc. He thinks AL is the cause of the weakness and the increased muscle pain that I feel. Everyone is telling me how much better I look. I want to feel better too....

[sk8punk]

sick and tired of sobriety

Hey Ks. I was a emotional and physical wreck around that time too. It takes awhile for our bodies to readjust. Maybe give it more time or talk to a counslor about any underlying problems.

[K9Lover]

sick and tired of sobriety

Hi KS,
My first "real" attempt at sobriety, I made it 40 days, then relapsed. I felt like you did, not really seeing what was so great about it. But believe me, when I went back to drinking, it all went down hill, quick. My hangovers were worse, my recovery time was longer, and my beer belly came back with a vengeance. If you want my advice, I would suggest hanging in there one more week at the least, see how you feel then. Everything you are experiencing is normal, and it WILL pass. What benefits will drinking bring you?
I'll be sending positive thoughts your way. Please let us know how you are!
K9

[techie]

sick and tired of sobriety

I echo what sk8 and K9 are telling you. What you're going through is not unique to you. Many of us have had exactly the same thoughts and feelings. The drink is luring you back, telling you it's going fix things. Its NOT, it's a lie. I have fallen for it. Same yourself some heartache and pain. Stick this out longer and you will see the benefit of making that wise decision! I lost so much by NOT listening to people wiser than myself. Don't make that mistake.

[Pie]

sick and tired of sobriety

Hi ks,

Twenty-eight days sounds like a lot of effort you've already put forth. What you're experiencing at this moment could be only temporary, and maybe feeling a whole lot better is just around the corner if you can just hang on awhile longer?

Best,
Pie

[Croft]

sick and tired of sobriety

I soooo know this space you are in. It would be great if you can push through. It will be the easier path if you choose to keep AF. But it is a hard path to choose and sometimes the hard way is the way we learn best. What everyone is saying is true. The Al is lying to you and begging you to come back and it will come back with a vengence and it will be harder the next time you realize you have to quit. And there will be a next time.

I hope you find the strength to get through this space in the way that works best for you.

[Guitarista]

sick and tired of sobriety

Hiya KS,

Well done on 28 day's. You must keep going af, and push through these feeling's. Read the 'Toolbox' thread writing's on 'Gratitude vs. Deprivation' thinking.
Once we strip away the alcohol fog, we are left with our reality, our feeling's, clearer thought's, emotion's, and who we are, and what brought us there. This can be very scary, and seem too difficult to handle, so we think going back to drinking to numb the pain is best. No. We must deal with our past, and injustices that may or may not have happened to us, and we must not blame ourselves for other people's injustices inflicted upon us. But, we have to work through this stuff sober, and deal with it, to begin to heal. Many folk's here have had horrible upbringing's and tragedies, and a few find a good counsellor, and or psychologist help's.

28 day's is a terrific effort. Sound's like you just need to turn your thinking around. C'mon, you can do it.
Go for it!

Greg.

[gyco]

sick and tired of sobriety

hi k s,have a drink if it makes you feel better,its not the drink,its how much you take and how it effects you my dear,not rocket science,but i do here your plea for help,thats what it is,its taken me many years to understand drink,think of how much damage yove done to the thing we call a brain,think of a heavy object laying on your leg for a while,numbness ? well if you drink to much the old brain is in the same boat,it gets numb,take the med [drinking away] away,it gets pissed off,they call it withdrawl,whether you stop,moderate over time you will figure it out,i wish you well, gyco

[Funny Girl]

sick and tired of sobriety

Hi ks - I too will echo what others have said. My experience was similar to K9s. My first "real" attempt got me about 7 weeks sober and then I relapsed. Not a big one by my usual standards, but big enough to show that the slide back would be quick & probably more severe. Some of the feelings you are experiencing are probably ones that you were simply covering with AL. Your body is also getting used to different sugar levels (making you more tired), etc. Give it more of a chance if you can. I think the whole thing for me is kind of like a bad romantic relationship - the farther away I get from it, the better my memory seems to think it was . . . . (when that's soooo far from the reality . .. . ;-)

[kslc2001]

sick and tired of sobriety

Thank you all for your comments. They stuck in my mind whilst coming home. On returning to my apartment, complete with bottle of wine, I realized I wouldn't just be letting myself down, but others who are rooting for me. I put a note on the bottle 'free to a good home' and left the wine on the bench down stairs. Now I have some relaxing tea and am listening to one of the MYO CDs

I'm glad for this forum, people there when friends can't always be...

[sk8punk]

sick and tired of sobriety

Good job KS!! Trust me it does get easier. Can't tell you exactly when but it does. You'll get there before you know it you won't even want a drink and wonder why you ever did.
We've all failed at sobriety before. I don't think there is anyone here who beat it on the first go. And yes the everything about drinking is worse once you stop for awhile and start again.

[Guest]

sick and tired of sobriety

That's a real problem alright. No good feeling rotten all the time. I don't know what I would do about it.
Luckily it hasn't affected me that way (day 32)
I think you need a better doctor. One who will do all the tests and find the answer...they are out there but you might have to ask around to find one or get a referral to a specialist.
I know it is conventional to say you should stay off the booze having come this far but if it's still not working then it might be something else.
How much had you been drinking? Was it wildly excessive? (just read back. A bottle a day. Right?)
Well, my wife, who is not a big girl, 5'4 1/2 and 58kg, drinks nearly a bottle of red wine a day. Mostly with meals in the evening. She is French and has done this for years to no ill effect. She has no alcohol problem, doesn't get drunk or hungover and seems to thrive on it. There is no justice in the world.
I know I will be hung drawn and quartered for what I am about to suggest and at the very least wear the mark of Cain.
Have a drink or two, if it works then it works, good enough until the doctor finds the real problem.
I'd much prefer you stayed off it, but when the Devil presses needs must. Don't stop looking for the real cause though.
And...because I'm breaking from the pack here...please let me know what happens. My credibility is at stake!

[OverIt2007]

sick and tired of sobriety

Whoa... Thats amazing about leaving the bottle! I could have never done it. I commend you BIG TIME for that!

Please dont throw away your sobriety, Im sure in the near future you could see things through different eyes and be grateful for all you have achieved.

Wishing you strength,

Overit

[Sunnyvalenting]

sick and tired of sobriety

Were you just abstaining for the doctor and not for yourself? Do YOU want sobriety and lifelong abstinence? Are YOU having negative consequences do to the drinking? These are important questions. You can't expect to be happy in sobriety if you are doing it for someone other than yourself. Having said that I believe that ambivanance is almost the sine qua non of addiction. In other words our best judgment tells us not to drink but our addiction tells us it is OK just one more time or just a little to take the edge of or whatever. It could be you are experiencing this ambivalance and your addicted voice is telling you that you feel so miserable and need a drink.
I am impressed by your decision to not drink the bottle once having purchased it. I don't think that has ever happened to me in my 42 year drinking career. I would have "had" to finish it! The fact that you didn't drink it indicates to me that you are likely quite interested in abstinence. Good job. I am sober since mid january 2010 thanks to baclofen and will power.
All the best
Sunny

[rebirth]

sick and tired of sobriety

kslc2001;900268 wrote: I put a note on the bottle 'free to a good home' and left the wine on the bench down stairs. Now I have some relaxing tea and am listening to one of the MYO CDs

I'm glad for this forum, people there when friends can't always be...

Phew. Well done ks. I am day 29 and felt the same as you last night. I am so glad I didnt drink and I am so happy that you got rid of that bottle.I listen to the ones who relapse because every single one of them regrets their actions. Thats a lesson in itself.

Well done ks. you are strong!:goodjob: