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    #1

    I hate myself

    I woke up at 7am this morning (Saturday here in the States). It's now 9am and I've had 4 drinks. I'm going to back to bed for awhile to sober up so I can go do some grocery shopping. Need to make some potato salad and deviled eggs for a BBQ tomorrow at my parents.

    I hate myself. Why can't I just be normal?
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    #2
    I hate myself

    Ouch Jewels.......
    stay here with us and we will help anyway we can
    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
    Live in the Solution....not the problem

    Comment

      #3
      I hate myself

      Don't hate yourself Jewels--hate that you are letting your emotions and al control you please??
      If you must - get it - al - out of the house and get some sleep and drink lots of water. Come back and post how you are doing after some sleep.:l

      Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


      St. Francis of Assisi

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        #4
        I hate myself

        There is a way Jewels and you are taking yourself there without even being aware of it. When you say you hate yourself the first thing I think is, I know how that feels. Then I see something else. If you feel that you hate yourself that suggests that there are two of you. The you who is upsetting you and the you who is in a state of distress about it. So many people are blinded by their ego that they cannot see there is a problem. You are halfway there already because you know something is wrong. I'm not pretending that your struggle will be easy but believe me Jewels, it has begun. We are here for you. Keep us posted.
        "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

        AF since 13 June 2010.

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          #5
          I hate myself

          Johnny;901557 wrote: There is a way Jewels and you are taking yourself there without even being aware of it. When you say you hate yourself the first thing I think is, I know how that feels. Then I see something else. If you feel that you hate yourself that suggests that there are two of you. The you who is upsetting you and the you who is in a state of distress about it. So many people are blinded by their ego that they cannot see there is a problem. You are halfway there already because you know something is wrong. I'm not pretending that your struggle will be easy but believe me Jewels, it has begun. We are here for you. Keep us posted.
          Good words Johnny
          Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down - Eat Them Alive

          1 - 2 - 3

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            #6
            I hate myself

            Thank you all for your replies.

            I got to the store and am cooking right now. I picked up more booze at the store. I felt sick to my stomach. Withdrawal. So I'm still drinking as I write this.

            My on/off boyfriend of 4 years stopped by unexpectedly last night. I was drunk and had a mental break down. I won't go in to details but guaranteed we are not together anymore. I love him but he doesn't feel the same.

            I'm so lost. I'm a lost person.

            Comment

              #7
              I hate myself

              Hey Jewel,

              'lost' Is such a great way to put it, thats how I was feeling and I didn't know how to get out of the cycle I was in. Writing on here is a big step in the right direction. I first wrote on here six days ago after a weekend binge that meant I missed yet more days at work early in the week due to my mythical migraines! I was sick and tired of lying to people and hiding my drink problems, I still havent told everyone about my problems but I intend to when the time is right as i want to get it all out in the open. I've been sober for the last 5 days and I can honestly say the support from the guys in this community are a big part of that achievement. I hope you'll keep posting and reading Jewel, I know how it feels to be lost but It can take just a day to change that.
              x
              AF since 19th August 2011

              Comment

                #8
                I hate myself

                Jewel ~~ the on and off boyfriend needs to go for NOW and/or forever! Trauma bonds are so easy to get into when al abuse is a factor. I hope you have a pleasant night preparing for your family get together.

                Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


                St. Francis of Assisi

                Comment

                  #9
                  I hate myself

                  Hi Jewels,
                  First of all a big big hug to you. I have felt like you many times but after I quit drinking my thoughts are so much clearer. I am not as emotional as I use to be. Please stick to this forum. it will give you alot of support which is what you need right now.

                  What johhny says is right so you are going the right direction. x
                  Be strong-
                  We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
                  Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'T

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I hate myself

                    Jewels I am so sorry you are going through this right now. It is a tough place to be in and can feel very, come here as often as you need to, I have been doing so for three weeks now and it helps me enormously to know there will always be someone there to offer support. Even just putting it out there can be a cathartic process and you will benefit from it greatly.

                    We are in this together.
                    "The greatest hazard of all, losing one?s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed." Soren Kierkegaard.

                    AF since 13 June 2010.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I hate myself

                      Hi Jewels, and like others say I have done that too. My drinking at the end was 24/7 with snoozes when I conked out, and the sense of self loathing that Sheri describes is just awful.
                      That self pride and peace that she talks about is worth ANYTHING! Ok there are cravings and times when a 'few drinks' sounds so nice and fun and soothing. To an alcoholic they are none of those things - they are starting off another nightmare - literally.
                      Molly
                      Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                      contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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