Hi everyone, this is scary, but a kindof lifeline nontheless.
I suppose everyone starts out with a bit of their own story.....heres mine..the edited version at this stage...all the shame, guilt, self-depreciation etc etc almost make it too scary to take the first step.
I am mid-thirties,and have been drinking excessively on and off for probably 15 years or so, and what I now consider "seriously" for maybe 5 years. I am what people would consider a "controlled" drinker, although obviously not always controlled - ie when I don't have to be up for work! Presently, I would be drinking a bottle of wine a night, with possibly a can of beer, sometimes 2 on top of that.
My mother is an alcoholic, which seriously disrupted our upbringing, but clearly a learned behaviour!
I have a very responsible job, and a very lovely responsible husband, (at the moment!)
I have had horrible horrible things happen in my life, but discussing that would only be an excuse, of which my mother made many!!
My father has stayed with my mother throughout many years of essential mental torture, and often public humiliation. I am going to become my mother at present, and unless I change NOW I am quite sure my husband will leave.
I really want a family, but my husband has essentially not touched me in the past 2-3 years, which is also understandable. Although, I am able to carry of the persona of a responsible person at work, he sees the real "holly!, and the fact that my evening evolves around taking just that "right amount". I have lost interest in everything, except the one thing I seem to be really really good at!.I hate myself so much, and really really want to change.
I suppose everyone starts out with a bit of their own story.....heres mine..the edited version at this stage...all the shame, guilt, self-depreciation etc etc almost make it too scary to take the first step.
I am mid-thirties,and have been drinking excessively on and off for probably 15 years or so, and what I now consider "seriously" for maybe 5 years. I am what people would consider a "controlled" drinker, although obviously not always controlled - ie when I don't have to be up for work! Presently, I would be drinking a bottle of wine a night, with possibly a can of beer, sometimes 2 on top of that.
My mother is an alcoholic, which seriously disrupted our upbringing, but clearly a learned behaviour!
I have a very responsible job, and a very lovely responsible husband, (at the moment!)
I have had horrible horrible things happen in my life, but discussing that would only be an excuse, of which my mother made many!!
My father has stayed with my mother throughout many years of essential mental torture, and often public humiliation. I am going to become my mother at present, and unless I change NOW I am quite sure my husband will leave.
I really want a family, but my husband has essentially not touched me in the past 2-3 years, which is also understandable. Although, I am able to carry of the persona of a responsible person at work, he sees the real "holly!, and the fact that my evening evolves around taking just that "right amount". I have lost interest in everything, except the one thing I seem to be really really good at!.I hate myself so much, and really really want to change.
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