Day one...

[Skye5942]

I posted here back on June 13th, and made no changes, but thanks for all your kind words.

But today...
I dumped the wine out this morning. Took the trash out. I ran 4 miles and cried. It felt good to get all the shit in my head out. I'm not exactly sure what I was crying about while running. Alot of thoughts swirling through my head had no place to go, and came pouring out during the run. IT FELT GOOD! My mom died 4 years ago yesterday, July 4th of cancer. My dad just found out he has cancer 2 days ago and will be going in for treatment soon. I have no husband or boyfriend. I'm in debt up to my ears. I've been sitting around drinking wine and feeling sorry for myself.

But for today....
I will not drink my beloved wine. I have my health. I have faith that my father will be okay. I know my mom looks down on me from Heaven and knows I can do this. I have a daughter who loves me, and I love with all my heart. I have absolutely no idea what I'll do with this debt, but I have a job and will have to deal with it head on. I still have my looks (though a little older!) I'm in a good state of mind today. I know it won't be easy, and I may falter, but I will not give up.

Two weeks...thats what I'm shooting for. A liftetime would be nice too....but I can't say that yet with as much umph! My goal is not for a drink after 2 weeks, just get there, and hopefully keep going. I don't have the shakes, and don't think I will have any withdrawal besides anxiety because I can't drink.

I may be asking too much of myself, but I can no longer be the person I have been. I don't like me the past few years, and cannot live like that anymore. I won't live like that anymore.

Thanks for listening, and I may become a pain in all your asses from posting here. Please bear with me, I don't want to fail at everything in my life.

[Time to change]

Day one...

Well done Skye,

That brought a tear to my eye, I do hope your dad will be ok, its great that you've come to this site to start your recovery, I'm so glad I came here its so helpful and comforting to read everyones stories. I dropped off the wagon yesterday after 6 days AL free but I'm back on the mission again now, onwards and upwards! I hope you can gain as much from this as I have over the past week. I'm in a lot of debt too but no debt is too deep that there's no way out, there's a great website for debt advice that I forget the name of, I'll find out what its called and get back to you. Well done again!
x

[Skye5942]

Day one...

Thanks! I would love that website. Its good to hear from you.

I'm scared about all of this, but I'm scared when I'm drinking wine too. I'm so tired of being alone and that was all my own doing. I'm want to participate in life again. If Dad becomes sick, I want to help...not hide.

I want to live.

[Time to change]

Day one...

You know you have a problem and you want to deal with it so you've already made progress.
I'm scared too, I did feel really alone but since I began posting and reading on here I feel a part of a shared problem, everyone on here understands and is here to help each other so stick with it Skye.
The website I was talking about is moneysavingexpert.com , I think you'll find it really helpful.
x

[Accountable for Me]

Day one...

You sound good, Sky! A good place to be in to start your journey!

All the best to your dad! My dad was diagnosed with cancer 18 months ago... he had major surgery and had chemo and radiation treatments. He is doing OK. The prognosis for his type of cancer isn't good but the old bugger is still kicking! Will probably outlive us kids!

Stay close! Talk to us. There is a lot of great people here to give you support. Not to mention a lot of great information in the threads to help you along the way.

[Skye5942]

Day one...

Thanks for the site Ttc! I will check it out and thx for the support.

I sound good today, and feel good! Though I'm very aware of how fast this feeling could switch. Has happened too many times. But I will take this feeling today and treasure it. Good to hear your Dad is doing okay. Just adds another bump of faith inside me. Thks for you thoughts!

[techie]

Day one...

You do sound good skye. motivativation is key to jump start some alcohol free time. i wish you much success. oh, we love folks being a PITA, it's what we do here

[Queenbug]

Day one...

Hy Skye...sorry to hear about your dad...hope all goes well. I totally get what you are saying...just started again today AF...feel very alone with loads to cope with and debt getting the better of me...and raging anxiety that I convince myself will go after a bottle or two of wine...but just doesn't does it! On top of everything else just can't afford it!!! My beloved gran died a few weeks ago too and it's seriously rattled me.....so lets get back to it and do it together with all these other good people eh?

You take care x

[Skye5942]

Day one...

Thx for the words of encouragement. Feeling a little uptight now, but made it passed the beginning of my own personal happy hour. I'm not going anywhere, and have no alcohol in the house so I feel safe.........for tonight. Its amazing how fast my mind runs to thinking I'm okay and don't need to quit. I was quite motivated today, and it just shifted. Thinking that I can't do it, or its not necessary, or I'm not worth it....nothing will change and this is just my life so accept it and drink the wine. Its like I'm arguing with someone, but that someone is me.

[sk8punk]

Day one...

Good for you Skye! 89 days ago I felt the same way you did. But I had to change and it seems you feel the same way. Yes its not easy at first and you will argue with yourself alot. But you can do it and alcohol will eventually let its grip on you loosen and you'll be able to break free.

I used to fall for those tricks...quit for two weeks and then I'd tell myself "see you don't have a problem have a couple of drinks." I'd give in and before you know it I was worse than before.

Hang in there! We've all been there and we're here to help you through this.