Its the thinking not the drinking

[mayday]

Hi All I have been browsing today and found so many threads I could have replied to then felt I did not want to sabotage someone elses thread with my own journey so..
I am still lurking in the 'just started forum' as I am now making a fresh start at alcohol free and on day 2.

A breif recap..I started last month, felt positive, made a plan, took supplements went 8 days without alcohol and felt great, really proud of myself... then out of the blue (I didn't even really have an overwhelming urge to drink!) came home after a long day at work, and in the fridge was a cold bottle of my favourite wine..it didn't take long to convince myself that, actually I didn't have a problem with alcohol and that I had just gone 8 days without it and now I wasn't craving it so I was obviously one of those people who could moderate..so I downed the bottle of wine, next morning was disgusted with myself but still told myself I would just get back on the wagon...7 days later, I did get back to being alcohol free, and started all over again!! going well.. then with my daughters 21st looming felt panicked as to how I would handle it..it went really well, I made the conscious decision half way through the evening to have a glass of wine which I did (there was a huge amount of mental 'chatter' going on in my head I can tell you!) when someone poured me the second glass I took a sip then thought, NO actually I dont want this, so poured it down the sink...Man was I proud of myself so come next morning I awoke bright and chirpy with no hangover and felt great but was mad with myself that I would have to start all over again counting at day 1!. Then started to think... actually I dont think I have a problem after all, as I managed to have a glass of wine and leave it at that...but by 4pm that afternoon I was thinking mmm a glass of wine wont hurt as I can now moderate my drinking...so a bottle of wine later, there is no moderation. Next day I think, 'Oh that was just a blip... I really can moderate..' next night another bottle of wine..!

So I am now day 2 alcohol free after that little episode!
And what is becoming clear to me is that while the last 4 weeks have had many more alcohol free days then the last year...
It is in the Thinking not the Drinking!!
There is no moderation
There is no "just one drink"

I feel a bit disheartened when I read of those who started their journey about the same time as me and are doing really well, while I am still trying to figure it out, but I guess some of us take longer to get to that place.
So today I am just venting really..and I apologise for the ramble, but I feel so much better for having got it off my chest and just want to applaud those who have started this journey,and a big thank you to those who have been around awhile who give great advice...we really rely on you and appreciate it,
We can beat this beast !!:thanks:

[beagle]

Its the thinking not the drinking

I'm with you Mayday.
Whilst a bit fragile for a few reasons which i shall not burden you all with atm (Underoos are familiar) I'm also on day 2. I agree with that thinking thoughts.....god, i sound like Dr Seuss.
The mental chatter is familiar also!
I seem to fixate myself into it!
So I am also just going to trolley along gently & try not to make too much of a fuss in my head.
Are you on any meds Mayday / Don't mean to pry. I'm on some topa & kudzu. Seeing how it goes, I do think it is reducing my desire to drink somewhat.
I have a hard time accessing computer daily,but I'll try to log in whenever I can.

[mayday]

Its the thinking not the drinking

Thanks Beagle,
No am not on any meds and probably need to think about that really? I cannot get kudzu or the other meds here in NZ but started with LGlut and B vitamens and trying to drink lots of water and daily exercise?
It really just makes me feel better to know theres others out there who start and re start and feel abit fragile..actually think there is probably lots of us...

p.s Love Dr Suess

[beagle]

Its the thinking not the drinking

its good you're in kiwi land as we're at least in sorta similar time zones! but i'll be prolly bout 4-6 hrs behind you.
can you not just order the kudzu? it is only a herbal supp so shouldn't be an issue, & altho i was worried about getting the topa had no probs getting thru customs via a dodgy Indian pharmacy tag. Will be seeing a shrink tho in a couple weeks tho so further meds will at least be above board.
hey, if you're frustrated about your start/stop record, i joined in Sept LAST year! huh,talk about slow learner!
anyways,we'll see how we get on hey.

[Guitarista]

Its the thinking not the drinking

Hiya Mayday!

Great going on day 2 af, AND your spot on realisation that it's our thinking, not so much our drinking that is the problem. Have you read the 'Toolbox' thread in 'monthly abstinence' section?

Best wishes on your journey. You will get there!

(Hi Beagle!)

[spuddleduck]

Its the thinking not the drinking

mayday, i totally understand your post. (as im sure many others do). from what i read here it seems a very quick slippery slope back into our old drinking patterns. i was almost at 3 months AF, feeling fantastic... and then had a drink.. a binge. a month later, same again, a week later, same again. i feel it could creep back so i now have to get that guard right back up. its never one glass... although well done for throwing that one away. if it was easy we wouldnt be here, so get positive and get sober

[mayday]

Its the thinking not the drinking

Thanks,
Guitarista..I have gone back to the toolbox and that has been really really helpful, not sure how I missed a lot of that initially, I just think there was so much info and support I was just flitting everywhere...
Spuddleduck, thanks, it is nice to know you have been where I am but now al free well done! you're right it is a quick slippery slope!
Sheri thank you great advice as always

I have gone back to the beginning again and methodically going through what I need to do and make a plan, I obviously underestimated the hold alcohol had,
In a few days I will be away in Malaysia fero a few weeks so will possibly not have internet access where I am so plan to print off a few good bits of advice /reading to take with me