Before I get into total isolation mode...

[Skye5942]

I dug deep inside and made myself post. I was on day 3 yesterday, and had 2 1/2 drinks last night. Not sure why, just decided in less then 10 seconds to go to a friends who was having a few girls over for drinks by the pool. At 745p, I wasnt going, by 8pm I was there. Normally, after a few days of not drinking, and setting my mind to it, I would have a drink and never let anyone know about even thinking about quitting. Even myself. The next day after drinking, I would feel bad, but then forget about even my thoughts of trying again till I could no longer take it. Then try again, alone, then drink again. Vicious circle I live in.

I guess I have a few things to be thankful for today.

1. The fact, that on that 3rd drink, half way through, I actually thought about what I was doing and remembered I didn't want to be doing it and where it was leading. So I stopped, and said it was time to go.

2. I don't feel physically bad. Just mentally. Disappointed in myself. But by me coming on here and fessing up, I think, is a huge accomplishment for me. Normally, I'd just keep on keeping on with the drinking, and no one would no the difference. Except of course, me.

3. I'm willing to try again. I don't want to give up the fight. I don't want to beat myself up with alcohol. It seems I punish myself for drinking by drinking again and again because I feel that its not worth it. That I'm not worth it. Well I am worth it.

No matter how many times I fall this time, I will continue to pick myself up and keep on fighting.

I feel like not only have I disappointed myself, I've let you all down as well.

I'm so glad your here and hope you understand my rambling.

[spuddleduck]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

its great that you are thinking about it and acknowledging what you are doing. and its great that you have come here and been honest, there really is no point in lying, this is a place where you can be truly honest and people will understand what you are going through. well done on 3 days and now you can do that again, and more. it may take time but you will get there if you keep this great attitude

[K9Lover]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Hi Skye!
You're right, you made a huge step by coming here and posting, you should be proud of that. You made the conscious decision to stop drinking, that in itself is a huge victory. And you are 100% correct with what you said, you ARE worth this! You deserve to live a happy, healthy, alcohol free life. You know this deep down, so keep hanging in there and it will happen for you. We are here to offer our support and encouragement and to help in any way we can. Keep posting so we know how you are!
:h
K9

[Pie]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Hi Skye,

I'm here for you too. Excellent that you made a conscious choice to stop the slip. An act to be proud of, for sure.

Pie

[Time to change]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Hi Skye,
What I love about this site is that everyone is so completely honest in their posts because there's no reason not to be. I find it really thereputic to say exactly how I'm feeling knowing that people will understand. Keep posting and well done on leaving that last drink, that takes a lot of will power to say no. I had a slip up on Tuesday but I'm back up and running again, more determined than ever. Keep at it Skye, you did good! x

[kslc2001]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Skye

Would it help if I said that you are within the UK limits for moderate drinking? No more than 3 drinks a night no more than 14 drinks a week! You stopped when you knew you should and posted here too. This is a great place to be. Full of very understanding people that are always there with help and advise.

MY BRAIN HAS BEEN WASHED, AND I LIKE IT!!! This post by Sheri sums everything up about how we fool ourselves with AL I wish I could send you the link...

[Skye5942]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Thanks for being there friends! Been thinking about last night, and how quickly my mind went from not drinking to drinking. I'm not even sure IF I thought about it. Just did it. The first two drinks went down without an ounce of guilt and with no thoughts about my commitment to stopping drinking. The third, while pouring it, started the guilt....but still it was done, so why not. Don't want to waste it. But I stopped half way through, thankfully. I would've thought my thinking would be the opposite...that I'd feel guilty with the first, then once buzzed, WHO CARES!!!!. Tricky little beast.

Anyway, thanks again for being there, and today is day one.......again!

[KatieB]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Skye,
Like the others have said.. the fact that you recognise what you were doing, stopped and came here to be honest shows huge insight.. which is a great thing when it comes to AL - i was in denial for years and years.. if you don't have insight, then you have no chance of beating this thing.. the fact you do have insight and are honest to yourself, and to us, shows half the battle is already won.. you just have to learn from your "mistakes".. recognise your weak points and remember why you are doing this.. the fact we are all here, shows we have a problem with AL, for if we didn't we wouldn't have found this place! Well done for posting.. you will get there,
Katie xxx

[techie]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Skye I am happy you're back on track. Yes it is a tricky thing. Most of my previous slips were similar. I just did it. No drinking for several days. Stopping with partner or client after work and I'd just order a martini. No thought until it was in me. I've 55 days AF now so I know you can do this too. BTW, you count the days any damn way you want to. Whatever works for you. Who sets rules for how we count. We don't have an AF counting council here. Anyway I'm happy you stopped yourself and recognized for what it was, a step backward...john

[Skye5942]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Thx Katie. I'm really glad I sucked it up and posted today. I thought about posting or not on here all morning, then made myself. I'm not giving up yet!

And Techie....YOU ARE RIGHT about counting the days. In reality, its been 4 days with 2 1/2 drinks. Pretty darn good compared to 320236028594 days with 32857985609485324 drinks!!!

[Ringing Cedars]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Good for you for being honest with yourself more than anything Skye.

In 75 days since I've started my journey I've had 64 af days. I felt very guilty and ashamed for a few of the al days(not everyone), but I did come here and post about them and people were gentler on me than I was on myself. Keep posting and learning about yourself and others. This really is a caring supportive family.

[blinder]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Hi Skye!
I think you should be VERY proud of yourself. The strength that it must have taken to STOP at drink 3 really is phenomenal. From personal experience I really struggle to have any brakes once I have started, so I think you have displayed great strength and courage.

Keep moving forward, YOU CAN DO IT!

X

[Skye5942]

Before I get into total isolation mode...

Thanks guys!!! Feeling a bit better today about the whole thing, and had no alcohol yesterday. As crazy as it sounds, looking forward to giving this house a good cleaning this weekend!!!! Maybe I'm tricking myself not to go out and drink, but whatever works this early on!