Family Court

[KatieB]

Hi all,
As some of you know, I am currently going through the Family court in relation to custody of my 2yr old son with my ex. My ex has been diagnosed (unofficially) as a Narcissist - he has no empathy and loves to hurt people (me in particular).
He has made so many allegations and lies about me (yes, I have a drinking problem, which is why I am here!) and i have a history of depression and being suicidal in the past.. but I have been the main carer of our son since he was born.. I am seeing a counsellor and am going to rehab soon. I am so stressed out - if I lose my son, I will not be able to live! Has anyone got any advice on how to cope with all this.. he is using my history against me once more - he used it to get away with assaulting me! life is so unfair.. i am sick of him being so cruel towards me.. he cant even provide a proper home for our son.. wheras i have a lovely flat, and a wonderful partner.. my ex lives in a shed at the back of someone's property! plus he smokes marijuana and drinks excessively himself.. at least i know my problems and am getting help..

[greeneyes]

Family Court

Hi katie. What your ex has done and does is out of your control. You need to accept that and stop focusing on it. It's diverting your energy and robbing you of your power. Focus on the positives in your life, the wonderful progress you have made, and only look in that direction. Think of what you WANT rather than what you don't want. Cope by increasing the good in your life and not about the past. You'll be fine in court. Just stay grounded and calm and confident. His actions will speak for him as will yours. Settle down, OK?

[sk8punk]

Family Court

I agree with Greeneyes. Stop focusing on your ex. What he's done is awful. But you're only letting him gain power by letting it get to you so much. Only person we can control is ourselves. Other people will do what they do, right or wrong, but you can control how you let it effect you. By focusing on it you're letting it beat you.
I know this all sounds so hard to do but its not. If I can do it you can to. Once you get yourself thinking more positively about yourself your outlook on the world brightens. You'll wonder how you let such things bother you. Remember positive thinking brings positive results. Negativity brings just that. For example I could focus on the 156 hours in a week I don't see or even know what my son is doing. But where would that get me and what kind of mood would I be in when I do see him? Instead I focus on the 12 hours I see him and what to do next time I see him.

[Doggygirl]

Family Court

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

That is my guide and believe it or not, those simple words can really help me take a problem that seems complicated and unmanageable, and help me break it down into manageable pieces. The biggest thing I do for myself these days is accept what I cannot change. As Greenie said, turn your energy towards that which you CAN change.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[KatieB]

Family Court

I am finding it hard to settle down.. i am totally freaking out about the chance of losing my son. he means more to me than anything.. i just dont know if i can cope.. i am so maternal - i went through a very painful labour, looked after myself well in pregnancy, breastfed him for 3 months and was by his side in hospital for almost a month when he had a tumour operated on.. and no, i didnt drink during all those times.. i am the best mum (when i dont drink) - it hurts so much at the chance of losing him, even 50/50! i love him so much..

[KatieB]

Family Court

i really wanted a boy too - my ex wanted a daughter.. thats what hurts too.. my ex is only saying horrible things as he is jealous of the fact i moved on and found someone else.. he is hurting me for the sake of it - he didnt care for the past year - he was unreliable, never turned up to pick our son up when he was supposed to, bought him back early.. i found a home for us, worked as a registered nurse and paid the bills.. all on my own, as i have no family here.. and now my history of depression and AL use is going against me once more.. even though i have stayed strong through most my exes abuse..

[sk8punk]

Family Court

Katie I completly understand how you feel about your son. No parent can ever imagine losing their child. But you need to calm down. Freaking out about the future will not help the present. Focus on now. Enjoy the time with your son in the now. Stressing yourself out won't help. It won't be good going to court looking like you haven't slept in days and bursting at the seems with stress.
Instead of thinking of losing him think of winning. It just seems your mind keeps going to the negative.

[KateH1]

Family Court

Katie, You have been given excellent advice on this topic many times. I am sure that no one doubts your love for your son. Most parents love their children unconditionally and totally. My children are grown now and I am still totally devoted to them.

I completely agree, you need to stay rational and calm....you need to be stable. Even saying things like, "Your ex wanted a girl"....is not anything to hold against him. You are both his parents, rather than continue to focus on your ex....focus on yourself and what you need to do. Most of all, focus on your son and what he needs. He needs two parents and fighting over him does not prove love. I'll be honest, saying things like you don't think that you could live without custody of your son, does not sound rational or stable. Especially given the fact that you have multiple suicide attempts. DG mentioned the Serenity Prayer......there is much wisdom in that prayer!

You might do well to read some of Sk8's posts and Maslows as well......they truly are inspirational!

[KatieB]

Family Court

Thank you all,
I do need to calm down and stop panicking.. Losing my mind over this is the last thing my son needs.. I need to keep strong for him, and stay SOBER!! I will keep away from AL and focus on what I have, and the present.. i need to focus on what is best for my son.. thanks again.. i know i have been given advice on all this many times before, but i only have 3 days til the court case so i have been stressing about it again.. but i will read over my previous threads and go over all the advice again.. i am going to attempt to be as calm and rational as i can and remain strong.. thanks again..
Katie xx

[girly wirly]

Family Court

katie how about some calming hypnosis? try this.

Free Hypnosis Downloads | FreeHypnosisTreatment.com

i think the positive thinking and relaxation should help xx

[KatieB]

Family Court

Thanks girly,
I will go and check that out - meditation sounds like a great idea right now! Plus positive thinking.. I need to focus on that again too..
katie xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Family Court

greeneyes;914886 wrote: Hi katie. What your ex has done and does is out of your control. You need to accept that and stop focusing on it. It's diverting your energy and robbing you of your power. Focus on the positives in your life, the wonderful progress you have made, and only look in that direction. Think of what you WANT rather than what you don't want. Cope by increasing the good in your life and not about the past. You'll be fine in court. Just stay grounded and calm and confident. His actions will speak for him as will yours. Settle down, OK?

I totally agree, KatieB. The bottom line is do your best, be honest and the courts will decide correctly. They see this sort of thing all the time and can see through his BS. A child needs his/her mum, everyone knows this and in my experience the professionals do even more so and act accordingly. It will be fine :l

[KatieB]

Family Court

Thank you Ktab,
You always have such lovely words of support for me, as do many on here.. I really appreciate it.
I know I can only do my best, be honest and let the courts decide.. there is only so much I can do.. I will stopped getting so stressed about this, as that will not do me any good at all, especially since I have been doing so well..

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Family Court

You are welcome KatieB. Oh and one more thing, well done on keeping AF through the last month, I know it cant have been easy with all the worry but as you can see the clarity that comes with sobriety is such a huge bonus and your showing you are serious about this will make all the difference. I am sure of it.

[Johnny]

Family Court

Hi Katie,

I am not a parent so I will not pretend I can fully empathise. However it occurs to me that a degree of anxiety about this would be perfectly normal. I don't think it's fair to describe yourself as freaking out, the prospect of loosing a child would undoubtedly be a cause of great concern for any mother.

I guess the point is that I don't think that the words 'freaking out' are fair when it comes to how you are feeling about this. You are in my opinion reacting as any mother would. Actually, the fact that you logged on and expressed how you are feeling to us and sought help shows a great deal of composure and level headedness. I will finish by saying, stay strong, you are coping better than many in your position would or could, you are in my thoughts, prayers and reflections.

Johnny.