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    #1

    A New Path

    I have come and gone on this forum, not having committed myself to becoming AF. I am 59 yr young woman with a good job, a good husband plus 4 adult children, and 6 grandchildren. I have 2 sons that are alcoholic. I have 3 sons and 1 daughter and my sons father drank himself to death at the age of 49. My current husband drinks but not to excess. My daughter has nothing to do with alcohol. Thank you dear God.

    I have spent most of my adult life on the other side of the fence...I even started an Alanon group in our city. How ironic, here I am, devoured in the clutches of this cunning, baffleing beast. It has happened slowly over the last 10-12 yrs....I love the taste of wine and a couple glases led to 3 or 4, than a bottle and now a bottle & 1/2 most evenings. I am a very sneaky drinker and most people don't know I drink to excess. I can go a couple days and not drink - swear I will never touch it again and then it has me. I have been in counseling since March.....have many books, even the MWO book and do tons of research on alcoholism. The dr gave me an Rx for Campral and I haven't been able to be AF for at least 3 days to start it. I despise myself the next day, swearing never again.

    Today is DAY 1 for me..again. I know if I continue drinking I will destroy my health and die from this disease. I have made a plan, something I have never followed through and done before. I am going to come here daily and read posts and share. I feel a committment I never have before-I pray for strength.

    Thank you for listening and I appreciate any support.
    Tags: None
    #2
    A New Path

    Foxtrott - Welcome back! I was a lot like you - what made a major difference this time was (1) a commitment this time and (2) having a plan. I had done two several month long AF stints in the past, both times taking advantage of being so sick I didn't drink for a couple days to get me started, but with no plan, then at some point was tripped up, or rather chose to have "just one" (because of no plan/commitment). This time I knew I no longer had a choice - I had to stop - if I continued I knew it all downhill from there, health wise. The good news is, 11 months later, I passed my last physical with flying colors, my new doctor was impressed - and I am 55, by the way.

    I wish you the best on your journey, keep your eyes on the prize, and I promise you will never regret it - take care and much love to you! :l :h
    ​​Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind ~ Bob Marley ~ Redemption Song

    AUGUST 9, 2009

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      #3
      A New Path

      Good for you for coming back and making a commitment.

      Maybe the counselling and reading have been building you up to this point without you realising and you'll be able to start on the Campral soon.
      sigpic
      AF since December 22nd 2008
      Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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        #4
        A New Path

        :welcome: back Foxtrot
        Your determination shines through in your post and I wish you all the strength in the world for dealing with this demon. Im convinced there is something evil put into wine these days to make it more addictive! I too loved the taste of it and once I started couldnt stop....
        "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
        AF - JAN 1st 2010
        NF - May 1996

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          #5
          A New Path

          Today is Day 2 - I hate to say it but I feel this struggle....but I won't cave. After work I ask a friend that does not drink to come over for the evening...I don't have anything in the house so I will be ok....I pray.

          Comment

            #6
            A New Path

            Thats good foxtrott, as you know you should always have a plan to put in place for them times when you feel vunerable, keep it up.


            :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

            Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
            I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

            This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

            Comment

              #7
              A New Path

              Hi foxtrott........Your story about the beast is pretty similar to mine. As the others have said a plan is the best way to put you in the strongest position to break some patterns and also removing all AL from the house.
              I have been here on MWO in and out for a while but this time my committment to change was strong and I have been here every day, tracking my drinks, reading and posting and it has certainly put me in a better place. I am day 28 and I know I never thought that possible.

              Good luck with your plan and your journey.
              "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." Mary Pickford:h

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                #8
                A New Path

                Hi Foxtrott and welcome back. Your story sounds a lot like mine in terms of the compulsion to drink, and guilt and remorse, the broken promises, and the continued drinking in despair. I did that for years before I was finally able to stop. But I finally DID stop along with so many others here who have. I hope that gives you hope and confidence that you can stop too.

                100% committment and a solid plan were essential for me. It works!

                Strength and hope to you,

                DG
                Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                One day at a time.

                Comment

                  #9
                  A New Path

                  Hi Foxtrott and welcome back. As others have already stated, it's important to have a very clear and strong resolve that you want to quit drinking. Make a plan and stick with it. And, be sure to keep coming back to this community for reinforcement and support!

                  One exercise that I found helpful was to make a list of non alcohol things that I enjoy doing:

                  1 - play the piano
                  2 - listen to classical music
                  3 - cooking
                  4 - research and read articles on self-help and discovery
                  5 - getting a good night's sleep

                  These are just some of the things that I focus on now rather than rushing home to start drinking in the safety and comfort of my home every evening. I am 56 years old and abused alcohol for at least 30 years.

                  Be strong and committed. You can do it.
                  John
                  AF since 7/13/2010

                  Comment

                    #10
                    A New Path

                    Hello Foxtrot and welcome back,

                    Our drinking histories are so similar. I could blend my excessive wine drinking into everyday life with such ease that no one, with the exception of my husband, were aware of how much I was putting away and how serious my problem was. Keep taking it one day at a time. Each sober day you get under your belt makes you that much stronger. Get posting and reading, especially in the evening.

                    Glad you are back!
                    While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us.
                    Benjamin Franklin

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                      #11
                      A New Path

                      Foxtrot welcome back and wish you success with your plan. You have a new start and thats a blessing.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        A New Path

                        Again

                        Today is day one for me again...plan or not, I drank this weekend. What is so wrong with me? I really really hate where I'm at....I have the knowledge and understand alcoholism and I have always been a very in control person, but it sure has it's hooks in me. I wasn't going to come back here because I was embaressed to be honest that I drank. But I guess I will consider this a good step I could come back here and be honest. If I'm not honest with you, I can't be honest with myself. So on to Day 2...:bump:

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                          #13
                          A New Path

                          Foxtrott, well done for coming back. So many folks come here and then just disappear - maybe they are ok but I guess not most of the time, and it's after we screw up that we really need this place, when everything is sailing along we don't need help and props. We have all messed up and the honesty is so important. I drank in May after 4 months sober and I have to admit that for a split second I thought about not saying anything here (what nonsense is that!!), but fessing up here was the best thing I ever did - having to change my 'signature' was painful as well and as I was changing it I swore to myself I wouldn't have to do it again.
                          Good luck getting back on the wagon - keep posting
                          Molly
                          Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                          contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                          Comment

                            #14
                            A New Path

                            Foxtrot - Im so glad you came back here, quitting is a process and although your mind has decided enough is enough it can take a bit longer for the message to finally get into that addictive part of our brain and take control. I know it wont feel like a good thing but the fact you are saying immediately:-

                            foxtrott;920168 wrote: What is so wrong with me? I really really hate where I'm at....
                            is a really positive reaction, please stick around and keep being honest... you WILL get there.
                            "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
                            AF - JAN 1st 2010
                            NF - May 1996

                            Comment

                              #15
                              A New Path

                              Got through yesterday and now today is Day 2.

                              I am going to work on my plan....I have a very busy life and find it very hard to find "me" time. I know in a small part that may be where I got off track with alcohol.....if I drink I tend not to care if this or that gets done, or that phone call gets made and I just don't worry about things getting done. The downside to this is...it is all there the next day, plus another days "to do" list. But then I think - I don't have "me" time but I have time to buy it, hide it, sneak a drink, sneak out the bottles, all the cover up work is time consuming and that could be my "me" time. I guess it is my "me" time only I am losing myself instead of finding myself.

                              Day 2 I'm going to give it my best shot.ray:

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