Hi there...

[heartandsoul]

Hi there,
I last visited this site in 2007, I think. In the meantime, I have had ups and downs with alcohol, mostly downs of course, but there were times when I thought I was managing it decently well, which for an alcoholic is a lot. I only admit to being one to my cat and my husband, who is very supportive but thinks it is serious only when I really hit the bottom, and luckily this does not happen as often as it used to. However, the point is only that I've been drinking so much that I handle it better than I used to, but my alcohol consumption has actually gotten worse. I just take more time to get wasted. Also, I haven't drunk and driven for at least two years now because one day I realized how lucky I had been up to that moment and swore I'd never do it again...but I simply still drink a lot and:upset::upset: somebody else - my husband - drives...Another big thing is my weight and the poor self esteem that comes with it...I keep on thinking about the days when I could go out with friends for drinks, dinners, celebrations and so on, drink without problems and have a good time...and that was it. I have always had a thing for alcohol, back then too, but somehow I could control it...and I was in great shape too. Now, instead, I can perfectly well drink two bottles of wine a night and get mad if I don't have the second...to think that 5 years ago two,three beers on my nights out would have made me happy and that was it.
Well...I could go on with my rumblings for another 2 pages, but maybe I should stop here. I don't know what I am looking for...I just stumbled on this site after so long...
I guess I am looking for the magic formula for moderation...I'll never be able to wrap my mind around the abstinence-forever thing....
Thanks for listening,
H&S

[Kimberley]

Hi there...

Hya Heart,

Just wanted to drop you a quick line to welcome you back to the site. There is a monthly moderation section on the site - maybe you should ask some of the people on there how they do it - I've never managed to mod despite several attempts, so am not one to advise you on that!

However, I will wish you the best of luck and hope you succeed in your goals. See you around the site,
K x

[heartandsoul]

Hi there...

Thank you so much...I will be around.

[Doggygirl]

Hi there...

Welcome back heart and soul. I can relate to so much of your story. Especially the part about how "back when," things seemed a lot more manageable. I always drank more than the average person. And the drinking part of any event (when I look back on it) was always more important to me than the events themselves. That's odd. I could also maintain decent physical condition and the appearances of a proper life. My ability to keep up those appearances deteriorated over time.

For me, abstinence is the only way. That was difficult for me to accept. I really don't think in terms of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN! I dont' know for sure if I will ever drink again. I DO know that I can never drink safely. If I take the first drink, katy bar the door. I really don't know for sure where it's going to go from there.

So...I just don't drink for today.

It's working so far.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[mollyka]

Hi there...

Welcome back Heart, come visit in the newbies nest - someone around most of the time there.
Molly

[greeneyes]

Hi there...

Hi heartandsoul and welcome back. I understand what you are talking about. I wanted to moderate for a long while. I worked at it over and over until I realized I was having trouble quitting at all! I was AF for a long while and decided to try moderating again. It sucks the life out of me and I'm AF again. There are lovely folks here who are successful at moderating and can offer you advice in that arena. I sure can't - but I do want to encourage you to go AF for at least 30 days to clear out your system and headspace so that that hopefully you approach it without the wicked pull of alcohol.

Best to you in creating your way!

[hillsidetime]

Hi there...

Hello Heartandsoul, and welcome back. Your posting is very honest and open, and I can relate to a lot of what you have written. Alcohol, for people like us, is such a tricky and cunning foe. Certainly a common thought would be that perhaps you could take 30 days off alcohol to clear your mind and body and than think about your abstinance plan, or perhaps you may wish to continue af for a while. Read and write lots. From what you have written, your holding pattern does not seem to be one that will last forever without something falling apart. We are here to help you try to make some positive changes. All the best to you,
Hill

[Guest]

Hi there...

Heart and Soul I can so identify with so much in your story. Yep I swore I would never drink drive again(I only did it the once but that was enough), but if you are still drinking you can never guarantee that. I too went from half or one bottle of wine in the evening, to much, much, more as tolerance increases.

Alcohol problems are progressive and it took me a long time to get my head around abstenance. I'm not saying what's best for you - I only know I tried modding so many times and always ended up back in the same place. These days it's easier not to drink full stop.

Get reading and keep posting. I found my way out here, so can you.