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    #1

    What would you do?

    Hi all,

    I'm in a bit of a quandry. I am in the midst of trying to arrange a party for my daughter who turns 21 in a few weeks time, she wants a party here at the house before going off out with her friends. I'm really worried that this could knock me back to square one if there is alcohol in the house, while i don't want to hurt any feelings and be seen as a party pooper i really don't know how to tell her that i'd rather there was no AL involved, i can already hear the "oh well lets just do jelly and ice-cream while you're at it" tantrum coming on. She doesn't want to go out all night which is why she has asked if she can have her family and friends here at the house to celebrate for a few hours first with either a BBQ or a buffet type thing. I'm so confused, scared, mixed up, this is the first really big dilema i've faced since becoming AF and i don't want anything spoling it because i just CANNOT go back to where i was 3 weeks ago, the worry is actually making me feel sick. other than telling her i can't be here i don't know what to do. To make matters worse only person that knew the REAL extent my binging had got to was my husband, no other family are aware i have a problem with alcohol.
    How do i cope with this if she really insists on this happening here Really hoping that someone here has faced the same thing and can guide me.
    Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.-John Dewey
    AF Journey Began 9th July = 33 days Sober!
    Tags: None
    #2
    What would you do?

    Hi Talula,
    First thing to do is don't panic, this can be done.
    Secondly it's great that you can tell you husband that you don't want to drink at your daughters 21st.

    I went a through a similar situation on 11th July. We normally hold a huge BBQ and boozed fuelled party on the day of the World Cup Final. Even after a year AF I got a bit jittery.
    So I asked people to come later than normal, bought a lot less AL than usual and cooked and cooked and cooked. I had my own special glass that I kept topped up with sparkling fruit juice, so I didn't accidently pick up some one else's that may have been full of wine.
    To any of your relatives and friends. I would use some little white lies, you're on a health kick, you're on meds.........

    It's a very special day in your daughters life as well as for you and your husband.
    Be the unofficial photographer, the driver, the person who can ring the taxis with a clear voice when it comes time for the party to hit the town.
    After the party throw all the left over AL out or give it to people to take home.

    Give yourself a very special gift on your daughters birthday. Remember the day with pride and wake up the following morning with a smile and no hangover.

    J x
    :l

    PS should have added congratulations on you AF time
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

    Comment

      #3
      What would you do?

      Tricky, but I'd feel obliged to go along with it even though I wouldn't want to. I steer clear of these things now, but it would be difficult to do so without upsetting your daughter.
      Just because there's alcohol in the vicinity doesn't mean you have to have any. I generally try and treat it with disdain; regarding it as a tool for the less enlightened. Sounds pompous I know, but looking down on it (not those who enjoy it) helps me to put it in it's place.
      The rest of it sounds great. A bbq / buffet would keep me entertained for hours and some jelly and ice-cream would be lovely

      Comment

        #4
        What would you do?

        Nice post JC

        Comment

          #5
          What would you do?

          I did go through this type of experience. I agree with everything JC said. Keep busy!! It really helps. And nobody will think it is so strange that you don't want to drink. These days so many people are on diets or whatever that it will go pretty much unnoticed. Buy yourself some really nice festive water (like Perrier) and mix with some exotic juice or cranberry juice over crushed ice in a pretty glass-just for you. Afterall, its your day too! You are the mum that brought this girl into the world ! And you were sober for that! So what better way than celebrating the celebration of your daughter's life as clear headed and sober. So nice that she WANTS you to be a part of her special day. Enjoy.

          Comment

            #6
            What would you do?

            Hi Talula:

            In addition to keeping busy during the event, maybe your husband would be willing to partner with you and abstain from drinking during the party, too. That way, you wouldn't feel as if you were the 'only one' not drinking during the gathering.

            Best wishes to you and stay strong!
            John
            AF since 7/13/2010

            Comment

              #7
              What would you do?

              Hi Talula!
              Without a doubt it is going to be a "different" evening for you. I think that it would be nice if you were able to have the party for you daughter. Actually plan what non AL drink you will be having and make it something nice. I have some mocktail books which are great for ideas.

              I know from experience that I am a much better host when I am sober (so that would be a positive for you).

              I was at a function about 2 weeks ago and I witnessed drunken behaviour from a sober prospective and it really helped me remain AF instead of going the other way.

              So my point is, try and look at the positives of this (because there are some) and really plan out how you are going to tackle it and cope with the evening. Imagine how empowering this could be.

              You have been doing really well on your journey so far and I believe that you will have the strength to cope with the party if you have a plan of attack in place.

              Good luck........you can do it!

              Love
              B x
              "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." Mary Pickford:h

              Comment

                #8
                What would you do?

                Thank you so much to everyone for the suggestions and supportive replies.

                Jackieclaire, expat & blinder: I really love the idea of having my own special glass to put whatever non AL drink in it i want, i'm going to look for one just for the occasion.

                I will be busy with the catering, it's going to be for around 30 people so it'll be go go go. I was just really dreading being around alcohol but now have a much more positive spin on it and yes i do feel blessed that my daughter wants to have it here with all her family and friends ,it means a lot.

                paguy: My husband has been very supportive in all this and at times i envy him for being a normal drinker, he drinks rarely and when he does it's very little so he probably will be championing me but i shall suggest it to him so thanks for that.

                popeye: i have slowly began to look at alcohol in this way just by observing others over the last 3 weeks but i like your attitude and who knows there might just be some jelly and ice cream thrown in! :H

                thank you again alllll soooooo much i feel so much better telling people who really understand how ill this worry was making me feel.

                TBx
                Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.-John Dewey
                AF Journey Began 9th July = 33 days Sober!

                Comment

                  #9
                  What would you do?

                  And jazz up your non-AL drink with a twist of lemon or lime. It'll look festive!!

                  Good luck - you'll do great.
                  Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                  Comment

                    #10
                    What would you do?

                    just a thought...
                    you prolly want to be sober too since 21 year olds will be drinking in your house!!!!
                    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                    Live in the Solution....not the problem

                    Comment

                      #11
                      What would you do?

                      Hi Talula, actually I agree with MamaB, my daughter had her 21st in the house last May 12 months ago. I had been dabbling with cutting out/down the booze but not seriously, but I was very conscious of the fact that heaps of young ones would be in the house and I was in charge, so I actually didn't drink that evening by choice - I also didn't trust myself to drink and not fall asleep at midnight on a couch or something and ruin her night.
                      My downfall in relation to the party was the left over booze, mountains of it and I went on a few nasty sessions because it was there. If I could do it again I would not have all that drink in the house afterwards. I am used to, even now, having a bottle or two around the place, that doesn't bother me but it was a sort of free for all then, there was so much.
                      In case I sound too good to be true, I have to admit that the next day a few stragglers hung around and I had a few then.
                      Molly
                      Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                      contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                      Comment

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