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    #1

    How did it come to this???

    Hi all,

    Well I am sat here writing this and just cannot believe that I am in this position. I have known for a few years that I had a problem but have only very recently actually admitted it. I mostly want to write this as I have lied and covered up for so long that I think it may help to be honest. It is hard to do in person so this is alot easier although I think the coupla glasses of wine I have had is helping!
    My story is not that dramatic. This is not an excuse for where I am as I have put myself here but it just ecxplains maybe how this began. My "problem" has sort of crept up on me over the last 6 years. I always drank but mostly the usual binge drinking that u do when u r young. At 21 I was diagnosed with epilepsy, only have one had seizure. Anyway when I saw specialist I asked about drikin and said it was weird as I had not drank for 2 weeks before it happened. He said well maybe that was a cause.
    SO I then got it (stupidly) in my head that I should have a drink everynight to stop it happening again. Cut a long story short in last 6 years have probably had approx 5 nights when I have not had a drink. Started off as small amounts but has escalated. I still dont drink in day but as soon as I get home the wine comes out. Recently got to getting through a box of wine every 2 nights there is 21 glasses in a box.
    Over the last year I have been taking sleeping tablets quite regularly as this is the only way that I will stop drinking and have to go to sleep!!! I lie about how much I drink and hide stuff so that people dont know. My flatmate has realisd it is problem tho and has brought it up a few times with me. Good in a way as has made me confront the situation.
    Anyway I am so fed up of living this life. I cannot remember what it is like to wake up and not be hungover, feel like crap. Cant think straight. Am such a space cadet in work these days and have no motivation for anything in my life anymore. I plan my life around the drinking and for one I cant even afford it. I have missed meals so that I can afford to buy some wine!!!
    Well I am not sure where I will go from here. I need to get medical advice as I dont think is good idea to go cold turkey, altho maybe that is just another excuse. I spose that I will get thre. Such a big step for me to even admit all this as I know u all understand, to myself too.
    I read quite a few of yr stories and am now off to read some more. It is good as sometimes I feel so pathetic and out of control but I am starting to realise that it is not that. Somehow for whateva reason we have fell into these patterns but we can change and take control once more.
    Take care all, my thoughts are with u
    Tags: None
    #2
    How did it come to this???

    Fed up,
    I know how you feel! We get into these destructive patterns and do not know how to stop them. I told myself I would drink 1 or 2 glasses (bigger than the usual wine glass) and end up 3 or more. This cloud can be lifted from us both however and we just need to stay around and post and help each other. I drink daily, with the wine, but had one AF (alchohol free) day last week and plan for 2 days this week, as well as working this program, without the topomax. Keep reading and stay around so we can all help each other. Suz
    The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

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      #3
      How did it come to this???

      Thanks

      Hi suzanna!

      Thanks for yr reply. Feels really good that there are people out thre who do actually understand. I think that I will definitely start to come on here most days and will hopefully help me gain the motivation to actually do something about this. I should prob try to have only a few glasses in a night. I so worry about my health sometimes. But the thought of totally stopping terrifies me! Anyway dont feel so alone now so I appreciate yr message

      Comment

        #4
        How did it come to this???

        Hi 'Fed Up'..and Welcome! You are certainly not alone here! This is a great program, especially if you read the book and just do what Roberta suggest..and keep coming here, there are lots of people that will hold your hand every step of the way!
        Have a great day today! You deserve it!
        Dianne

        Comment

          #5
          How did it come to this???

          Thanks dilayne. Dont feel alone anymore. I should probably explain that I live in australia (am english tho) so a bit of a nightmare as my night is yr morning so wont be able to chat so much with all u guys at same time. I am glad that I have come on here at same time it is midnight and am pretty drunk now but hopefully will start to change. Look forward to sharing your journeys thru this

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            #6
            How did it come to this???

            Well Fed Up you are probably sleeping and we in the states are up. There are alot of aussies and brits on here and yanks too. I was a yankee when I moved to Florida from New York and just when I thought I wasn't a yank anymore it turns out anybody from the states is a yankee. It really does help to know you are not alone and you're not! Hope to see you around and registered, this place is totally anonymous. Suz
            The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

            Comment

              #7
              How did it come to this???

              Hey suz!

              Yep have noticed from actually looking around that there is people from so many places. Sorry to tell u but yeh u will be known as a yankee regardless! haha
              So how is florida at the moment? Is it autumn thre? Just getting to summer here but the weather has been weird varying from hot to cold. Why do us brits always have to talk about the weather?!?!
              Anyway how is all going with u today has been a bit weird for me but really looked forward as soon as I got in to logging on here, so glad I found it. Anyway lets keep in touch

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                #8
                How did it come to this???

                Fed Up,
                Don't blame yourself. It's a disease, like asthma. You didn't and I didn't ask for this. Anyway, been here for only a few days and already feeling slightly better. Haven't started the program yet. Have a doctor's appointment on Wed and asking him to switch me from Campral to Topamax. Campral just wasn't working for me, specially since I want moderation. Anyway, everything you write resonates with me a lot of others, so don't be scared. Just take it one minute, hour, day at a time.
                Andy
                (USA)

                Comment

                  #9
                  How did it come to this???

                  hey i have never posted to a message board before but i have been reading these for a little while and the only person who knows i have a drinking problem is my wife and i am so tired of feeling guilty for my indulgence that i went to the doctor today and got campral and downloaded the book which i need to finish reading well wish me luck and hopefully you'll hear from me soon
                  http://localhost/gimport/cache/avatars/aude sapere "have the corage to gain to insight"

                  Comment

                    #10
                    How did it come to this???

                    Hello
                    I am brand new today. I am trying the topamax as well starting today. Let me know about side effects as I am concerned about that abit
                    Good luck to all of us
                    Dan

                    Comment

                      #11
                      How did it come to this???

                      I've beenlurking the site for a long time and have realized there are a lot of caring people on this site. I do so much better when I'm away away from. my controling husband. I keep taking trips to get away from him but he has my 3 loving dogs in his care. I no longer care about the larger home, Is there anyone on this site who in in Victoria B.C. and who could pm me. I'm scared.
                      Enlightened by MWO

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                        #12
                        How did it come to this???

                        SKendall,

                        Just keep talking to us. Tell us what is happening. There's heaps of really good people here. You're not alone. Just talk to us.

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                          #13
                          How did it come to this???

                          SKendall
                          I lived in Victoria for 4 years and plan to move back there in about April - I am also planning a trip there in December. I have family and friends there. whats going on? Can you talk to me? I know lots of people there and I know the area....
                          Want to talk to me...I am here.
                          Love Jen
                          Over 4 months AF :h

                          Comment

                            #14
                            How did it come to this???

                            Skendall, it's so hard being in a home where you are scared. I agree with Jennah and everyone that you should talk to us. Keep coming back here, this site is a wonderful place. I am sorry that you are scared in your own home. What has you scared? This is a safe place to post, just come back, okay?

                            Fed Up, how are you doing? Yankee here. It's breezy here in Florida but not much else changes around here weather wise.
                            And are you staring the program? I have cut way down but am trying to moderate. Maybe I'm fooling myself, huh? Take care, Suz
                            The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              How did it come to this???

                              hang in there I am 30 days today..cold turkey..I am a bit worried because I feel faint at times

                              Comment

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