New Here

[possumdearie]

Hi, I've just joined MWO but haven't read the book yet.
I am a heavy drinker - wine-and I often can't remember things I said or did after a drinking session. In my heart I know I have to stop drinking as I'm slowly (or not so slowly) killing myself, but I go into a panic when I think I can never have a drink again. I gave up for 2 years about 12 years ago and I remember feeling so left out of things because I didn't drink. Now, I'm 10 years further down the track and drink way more than I did before I stopped for those 2 years. I've made several attempts to give up over the past 10 years - sometimes I've lasted a couple of months, sometimes I've gone for 1 day. If only I could get rid of that ambivalence that plagues me - e.g. How can I go to a restaurant or go on holiday without having any wine?
I'm the 'great pretender' - no-one, except my husband and my best friend (also a drinker) actually know that I have a major drinking problem. My (adult) children may have a suspicion that I have a problem but I'm pretty sure they don't realise the extent of it. I try not to drink when they visit. I have no friends (other than my husband - and my best friend, who lives in another city) as the only people I seem to feel comfortable with are drinkers and I don't need any encouragement with that. Mostly, I feel uncomfortable with non-drinkers as I have to be someone I'm not or face exposure.

[mollyka]

New Here

Hello and welcom Possum!
Everything you say in your post I identify with - as do heaps of people on these threads I'm sure. I found one of the hardest parts of all this was having to change my life quite a bit - you can't (well I couldn't) just put down the glass and carry on as before. Some 'friends' I had were just drinking friends - they distanced themselved fairly quickly, I was hurt at the time but now am glad they are out of my life. The first sober holiday/christmas were scary but so good when done - my best hol ever was my first sober one last March.
I thought my adult children were relatively oblivious to my excess drinking but the happiness they show now I'm not drinking tells me that they well knew there was a problem - I didn't cover up as well as I thought I did.
Anyway,:welcome: and tour the threads, reading and posting - this is a truly great place with support and knowledge
Molly

[JackieClaire]

New Here

:welcome: possumdearie,
Huge step today you've made reaching out for help, you're not alone in this any more.

Have a look in the link below to try and get a plan of action together.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Keep reading, keep posting. Make your self comfortable. We have all walked in your shoes at one time or another so don't be afraid to ask any questions.

J x
:l

[Miss Behaving]

New Here

Hello Possum and welcome!

I just knew with a name like that that you would be an Aussie!! :H:H

The toolbox thread is great -- I carry pages with me in my handbag. There is no question that fighting this fight is tough work sometimes. But you can do it, and many have with the support of people on here.

If you want the company of people in your own time zone, there is an "Underoos and Friends" thread. But post anywhere you feel comfortable, and make yourself right at home.

[mario]

New Here

Hi and welcome possum,
Post your thought & feelings ,read as much as you can,Give yourself a chance,hope to see you around.

[spuddleduck]

New Here

:welcome: hi and welcome. this is a great place for advice and support. you will find you're not alone in your struggles. keep reading and posting, let us know how you're getting on

[woywoyboy]

New Here

Weclome Possum. This is a great place to start your journey. The toolbox and support here was my rock for my first month AF.

[tawnyfrog]

New Here

Hiya Possum and Welcome.

[Hippy Chick]

New Here

Hi Poss and welcome.

When I first started the thought of never drinking again frightened me. How could I get thru an Australia Day without getting plastered? How could I get thru a birthday without a glass of champers? How could I go away on holidays and not visit every single pub I could find?

Well I am here to tell you - it can be done! The first time is scary believe me, but if you prepare yourself before, it is amazing how much confidence you get from being able to fight that urge to drink. Read the book, get the supplements and CD's and visit us here often. We have all been where you are now and can offer help and support for you. You will soon make lots of friends here so you dont need to worry about not having many. I am the same, dont have many apart from work collegues. But the friends I have made in this site are in some ways better than "real" friends because they understand what i am going thru. They know what it is like to struggle against this addiction because they too are struggling.

So stick around, do what you need to and visit us when you can.

Once again welcome and good luck.

Hippy Chick

[Pride before Fall]

New Here

Hi Possum,

How can I go to a restaurant or go on holiday without having any wine? >>

I know exactly how you feel. I don't want the label "alcoholic" on me among everyone I know, for the rest of my life. It's not the not drinking, it's the odd-man-out thing that is so hard to get my head around. Then I think about getting drunk at my son's wedding; at my daughter's first baby shower; at my own wedding in a few months; at every Christmas; let's face it, every night. And the answer to the above question is, how can I not?

Screw everyone else. Let them be uncomfortable (what I keep reading here, ironically, is they aren't--no one really gives a damn what we're doing!). You have a right to be healthy. Alcohol isn't a reward, it's a prison. I read a few posts in this thread every morning to remind myself of that:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ing-22609.html

Good luck! And welcome!

Pride

[rebirth]

New Here

possumdearie;921780 wrote: If only I could get rid of that ambivalence that plagues me - e.g. How can I go to a restaurant or go on holiday without having any wine?

Welcome possum.:welcome:
I related to what you wrote about the fear of living life without drinking. The only time I stopped drinking in 15 years was when I was pregnant ( with reluctance ). Other than that I drank an average of a bottle of wine a day and alot more on the weekends. I had a compulsion to drink. Drink was number one before everything.

I tried moderation but this just made me even more desparate. I would quadruple my units when I was "allowed" to drink. The thought of not EVER drinking petrified me. And I was in denial that I had a real problem.But just under two month ago I gave into the fact that alcohol controlled me and one day something awful will happen. It was just waiting for me... I guess that was the day I hit rock bottom.

It's been 56 days Possum and all I can say is that the reason why you fear life without drink is only because you are ADDICTED to alcohol. You need to wean yourself off it and you will see that it is possible to socialise without the need to drink. I still battle with cravings but they are getting easier every week. They are not half as bad as the first month. The more I stay away from drink, the more i am kicking my addiction up the ass! Good riddance to it. Its cause me nothing but sorrow and misery. and red eyes. and bad breath.

My life is so much better without it! And thats saying something from an alcoholic

Hope this helps. x

[hillsidetime]

New Here

Hi Possum and welcome. This is a wonderful place to get support, ideas, feedback - and the write out your feelings and thoughts. The good news is that you seem ready to make a positive change in your life. It is not easy to battle the evil foe of alcohol, but day by day you can do it. I never thought I could survive social situations, restaurants, parties etc without booze, but it is possible. For me, life is so much better without alcohol. All the best to you,
Hill

[techie]

New Here

Hi Possum. Welcome to our community. Hoping to learn more about you. As other have said, keep posting and put a plan together for yourself. I wish you nothing less than health and happiness!

[Blooming Rose]

New Here

Hi there Possum! Welcome to another aussie on the forum!

I'm like you in wondering how to get through holidays etc without the 'celebration'! I've been off it pretty much for about 3 weeks. I did have a couple of glasses last night but am finding I don't enjoy it like I used to, which is surprising me. I am quite fearful of the hazy feeling, that I might once again forget things like I was before. The first week was particularly hard tho - coming home from work & going into the kitchen I used to grab a glass of wine (or two) while I cooked. I've been drinking coffee instead, which is ok in winter but won't work in warmer weather. Will have to find another replacement in summer I think. Have also tried having soft drink in a wine glass & that seems to help - part of the attraction was the attractiveness of the glass etc, for me anyway.

I'm new here too, & very pleased to meet you!

[Guest]

New Here

Hi Possum

Some great advice so far. I'd like to add the following;

One Day At a Time is the magic forumula to facing the future. What does that mean?it means as long as you are not drinking today, this hour, this minute then everything is ok. Sod tomorrow and the rest of your life. This method really does work once you get the hang of it.

You say you feel left out when you 'can't' drink......but you say you don't have any friends, possibly because of your alcohol problem. When I stopped drinking I was very much alone, it was only in sobriety I've been able to have so much as any social life again. My life has opened up and I no-longer want to be part of the drunken crowd. That crowd can be very boring and tedious at times. Yawn.