Hello

[dinolegs]

Hi everyone,

I have never done anything like this before. I am just at a real loss right now so I did some searching on google, found this site, read lots of your posts and decided to try one myself. I am very hungover right now. Just had a 3 night bender, getting blind drunk each night. I am 22 and a half now and have been drinking hard since I was 15. I always drank till I dropped or did something really stupid. I don't drink every day but when the weekend comes I completely write myself off. I flunked school because I got into binging alcohol and smoking weed every day. Left school and worked in construction for a year and continued this evil cycle. Luckily my parents encouraged me to get out and travel so I saved some cash and went backpacking through Asia, getting smashed every night with other foreigners. I am very entertaining and social on the drink and love dancing and clubbing and picking up girls. I am so accustomed to this drinking lifetyle. I am from Aus but currently living in China teaching english with other young foreigners and still getting tanked on the weekend. I hate it. I have a question for you all though. I know for a fact I can't moderate my intake of alcohol, it is just me. I am an extreme character and have never been able to moderate or control myself. But how do I stop? Where do I find friends when I stop? I want to stop drinking, I really do, but then how do I meet women? How do I maintain friends? That's just what happens when you meet people, you go out and you drink. I feel like everyone does it. I feel like the only way I am ever going to be socially accepted and have friends and enjoy my life is to do like everyone else and drink. How can I go to a night club and dance and chat with my friends and girls without drinking? It was hard to quit smoking dope and I lost my best mates in the process because they couldn't relate to my lifestyle anymore but if I stop drinking I am pretty much cutting off everyone. I don't know what to do. I can't moderate it, that is for sure. I need help, I feel so alone. I am strong in one sense and I'm not scared of change and doing things on my own but we all need people. When I left aus over a year ago I left behind my old life and all my friends in hope to find some new friends that didn't induldge in drugs. I am not scared to fly to a new country and start over. I am not scared of that extreme change of adapting to culture and doing everyhting differently. I actually enjoy the challenge. What I am really scared of is making friends and falling back into my old bad habits. Whats the option though? Become a sad anti social hermit crab? Sorry about all my ramble my brain really isn't working right now. I just feel so damn lost and I hope some of you can relate to my problem and share your experience or tips or something. I have never told anyone this.

Nice to meet you all, Nick.

[KatieB]

Hello

Hi Nick,
It's nice to "meet" you too..
I was also a binger.. I only ever got drunk on weekends, could go ages without a drink, then bam! i would have my week's worth of units (or more) in one night.
It is a filthy cycle to get into.. I am 32 now, but drank like this for years.. I too have travelled and found this habit followed me wherever I went.
If you really want to change though, change can happen.. you can make friends and have a great life that does not involve drinking.. I dont drink anymore; and I still have good friends and do lots of fun things (such as bush-walking, going on trips to the country, visiting art galleries, shops etc..) there is so much to do out there that does not include going to bars/clubs.. I cant stand them now, and never go to them anymore!
I am sure you will meet like-minded people once you change your mindset - i suggest looking out for notice boards, magazine articles, community centres etc where you are, seeing what is around.. being in China would be very exciting and I am sure there will be so much for you to see and do out there.. as for meeting women, it is something that will happen naturally once you are living your life the way you want to.. everything will fall into place.. i wish you the best on your journey,
Katie

[blinder]

Hello

Hi Nick

Welcome here! The best thing I did was download the book and read read read! also read the threads here as there is some great support here (lots of experience). I also found that when I was really struggling the chat room was great.

Most people suggest that you try 30 days AF, which is what I have recently done and it certainly has made my way forward alot clearer and I would suggest that you have a go. I have also made a list of why I don't want to drink. Going forward when I try to moderate my drinking I have black listed certain events and venues that I WILL NOT drink. I hope one day to be able to go out for dinner with friends and enjoy a glass of wine. However I have been able to identify certain situations that will always be (and have always been) out of my control. Moderating is certainly not for everyone and at this point in time I cannot even tell you if I can do it, it is however a goal.

Good luck with your journey, you are certainly not alone and you will never be alone as long as you keep posting here.

Keep reading and posting here.

Best wishes
B

[Flip Top]

Hello

Im Nick to lol

Where do I find friends when I stop? You will find out who your friends are! Al isn't one of them. My Dad has always said you can count you best friends on your first hand, and boy is it true.Try reading some of my posts, we are quite similar in many ways. I started drinking heavily in the pub scene when I was 18 and now i'm 30. Do something about it now before it becomes too much of a struggle.

My mate went traveling around America and all he did was smoke weed and drink - What a wasted time - Our question was why didn't you go look at some of the sites?

I hit rock bottom last week and never want to be there again - this is day 7 al free - I have a challenge coming up and that is a stag do that I have organized for my mate as seen as I am best man- All the lads drinking and me staying sober - A few of them might pressure me but I know the ones that won't are the ones that are my friends and understand slightly more than the others do about what I am going through.

You are in a good place matey - Nicks stick together lol

[dinolegs]

Hello

Thanks for the replies.
Gday Nick. Yeah, I backpacked different countries in Asia for 9 months before settling in to work in China. So to answer your question I did check out the sites. I did meet lots of interesting people and took risks and experienced different cultures first hand. I love adventure and my fondest memories are sober ones. Trekking and camping in the Himilaya for 2 weeks tops that list but is closely followed by many other sober experiences which mainly involve nature, exercise and awesome landmarks like volcanos or something. I do get out there and try my best to live but I have this painful paradox that has always been eating away at me. On one hand I feel booze is all apart of lifes experience on the other hand I feel it slows shit down. When I have had a good week and met some people I just feel like going out and hittin the piss. It's like part of the experience of living, ya know? I mean I hate myself for doing it afterwards but at the time when I get on my drink I am so happy. I meet lots of people and sometimes score girls and always have a good time. Sometimes things get messy but it's rare when you are in good spirits. Actually when I'm in a good head space I find the drink enhances it more. The problem is I always drink too much. Way too much. I know myself well enough now to know I cannot moderate my booze I just get carried away on the piss. I dunno it's like im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Hello

Hello Dino, welcome to an amazing place. You might not realise it now but it is so great that you have seen that there is a problem at such a young age. I bet most people here wish they had done the same, for it gets progressively worse, of that there is no doubt.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Hello

It probably appears to you right now that life will be dull without the endless parties and boozing but really if you are honest it gets to the stage where it just isnt fun any more when our lives start to get controlled by AL. It is a scary thought not to drink any more so dont look to far ahead, just take it a day at a time. The members here who have managed to beat this will all tell you one thing, their lives are so much better now in ways we never even considered. I wish you well.
Keep safe
KTAB

[mario]

Hello

Just like to say hi & welcome dinolegs,

[spuddleduck]

Hello

hi and welcome dino. i agree with ktab, its great that you are realizing early that you have a problem.. or that you just dont like how you become with drink. i guess its more difficult when youre younger as everyone seems to be partying. but as you realize its becoming more than the party for you. its great that you have interests like travelling and camping. you can never get bored of this, and as you say, the best bits of your adventures were the sober ones. youve mad a great step by coming here. im sure you will get lots of advice and support. keep posting and let us know how youre getting on

[hillsidetime]

Hello

Hi Nick, and welcome. My drinking pattern was very similar to yours, although I continued until I was 36 years old. The same hangovers, regrets, fears, stupid near life ending screwups while drunk, self destruction. You are very honest with your post and you ask a lot of key questions. I cannot related to going alcohol free at 22 years old - but I can relate to not being able to abstain. I don't have an "only drink a glass or two" option in my brain.

Some common advice you will read about here, is to take 30 days and not drink. For now you could tell friends that you have the flu, or you are taking the night off etc. You can be elusive for a month without too many questions. That 30 days will give you some time to think, and think sober, not hungover or drunk.

I never thought I could survive life sober - but I am. I am 6 months af. It is so much better than living in a bottle. I can survive outings, parties, pubs etc without drinking. Although I am married with kids, so I am not in my pubbing years chasing girls anymore.

One thing is for sure, if you are like me, this problem will not get any better. I continued like you, into my 30's, when I started to realize I was an alcoholic. It was just acceptable when I was younger. I hit a rock bottom in my life, that I hope you never hit. Your pattern won't change unless you work hard at it. It is not easy, but you can do it. Let me know if you have any questions or need to chat.
Hill

[dinolegs]

Hello

Thanks again for all the messages.

That last binge on the weekend really put me in a deep depression, worst yet, which is kinda why i searched for this online support. I'm glad I did now, have been reading more of other peoples posts and it feels good knowing people are thinking about this too. It's funny cuz when I talk about meaningful things with people I am drunk, yet the conversation was never about the problems associated with my addictive drinking. I reckon part of the reason im realising it young is because I am alone out here and the only friends I have are other young foreigners who drink hard on the weekends and dont stick around here long. I left all my old, close mates at home but if i was back at home with them I would probably think its ok still because they are all doing it and they aren't just passing through like us here. So I guess there would be more obligation to drink with em. I am going to try and stay sober this weekend. This will be the first weekend since my Himilayan trek in 06 where I won't get absolutely shitfaced in some bar or nightclub. Thanks for your input Hill, calling the night off is no problem here because I have only known these guys for a short time and we all know we have to say goodbye somepoint soon anyway. I guess I will just stay in my apartment, walk around Beijing and eat some noodles alone or something. It makes it harder because its summer here and cold beer is in abundance and very cheap, plus all the locals always offer me free drinks at the little noodle shops and if i turn them down its 'lose face' for them. It's been one day and I'm already making excuses, this is going to be hard. I will stay posted on here this is really helping. Thanks again for your input everyone.

[mollyka]

Hello

Hi Dinolegs, I started drinking when I was about 15 and from the beginning I ALWAYS drank more than everyone else. I was what would be termed a 'heavy drinker' in my teens and twenties. I loved drinking. But it was a very slippery slope. I didn't 'cross over' into out and out alcoholism until a few years ago. Up until then I was a functional drinker, but it dictated where I went, who I hung out with, pretty much everything. I WISH I had been as wise as you evidently are at 22, I wasted so many years in a bottle. I am reclaiming my life now and very happy to be doing so but go for it now Dino - you will not regret it.
Molly

[techie]

Hello

Welcome Dino. I wish you the best of luck on your journey here!

[dinolegs]

Hello

Hello everyone,
Just wanted to say I didn't go out and drink this weekend!!
Thanks for all your messages and support I'm glad I found this website as a tool to aid my drinking problem. Of course most of the credit goes to me for my achievement though I have been doing loads of exercise and playing lots of basketball etc. getting my 6 pack back. Been getting back into reading philosophy and other things that interest me aswell. Haven't felt this good about life in a long time. I wish everyone else out there all the best too. For what it's worth take responsibility and don't feel self pity! Focus on your strength and prove to yourself you can do it. As long as sober life remains this good I will never go back to the bottle.

[mayday]

Hello

Welcome Dinolegs,

There is one thing about Aussies and Kiwi's...we are great travellers, and great drinkers!!
I am somewhat older than you, but well remember my 2 years travelling around Europe in my 20's drinking every night...having a ball...

Its a hard call, and I agree with all the good advice you've got so far, I think the 30 days is a good goal, but also dont think too much about the bigger picture, just get through today AL free,
Awesome effort that you didn't drink this weekend,
All the best, let us know how you go