Hiya
Firstly thanks so much to everyone who replied to 'the experiment' thread - I found all the words written enlightening, encouraging, empowering, practical, empathetic, non judgemental, positive, wise and kind.
However... I didn't really take them on board despite totally agreeing with ALL responses.
I did jump straight on the horse but fell off the very next day. I drank a bottle of wine every night for the next 6 days.. steadily, methodically, unthinkingly without any kind of enjoyment at all. The first glass tasted like iron filings but I kept plodding on drinking the bottle until it was finished and (relief!) I could go to bed.
For those 6 days it was always 'tomorrow I'll stop again" But I didn't until today because the habit, of what seems like forever, got me in that short space of time so quickly I was back. I was stunned.
I thought after 42 days I would be able to put it down again when I had achieved that mellow feeling.. but there was NO mellow feeling at any time during those nights.
I read that with a lot of people the experience is the same, I now understand this is a progressive problem/disease, I now understand the concept of one or two or moderating doesn't apply to me..that in itself was very frightening but now I feel a sense of relief. Yes I am echoing what a lot of you said about your own struggles.
So I am back to ODAT which I find an indespensible tool. But one differnece this time is that I am actively planning to change a lot about my life that doesn't satisfy me or enable me to live a balanced life (job, country I live in etc) and in order to do that I need to be totally AF. Those factors don't MAKE me drink, I ALLOWED myself to drink but cumilatively they make it very difficult for me to embrace a sober life long term. Which is what I want.
Thanks all and welcome to anyone new.. For me its all about learning and applying newly learnt strategies/advice and stripping away those layers to expose the rawness of the real person which can be quite a humbling experience but one that I think we would never want to turn back on. So here's to Life, Humility and Growth
Take Care
Patrice
Firstly thanks so much to everyone who replied to 'the experiment' thread - I found all the words written enlightening, encouraging, empowering, practical, empathetic, non judgemental, positive, wise and kind.
However... I didn't really take them on board despite totally agreeing with ALL responses.
I did jump straight on the horse but fell off the very next day. I drank a bottle of wine every night for the next 6 days.. steadily, methodically, unthinkingly without any kind of enjoyment at all. The first glass tasted like iron filings but I kept plodding on drinking the bottle until it was finished and (relief!) I could go to bed.
For those 6 days it was always 'tomorrow I'll stop again" But I didn't until today because the habit, of what seems like forever, got me in that short space of time so quickly I was back. I was stunned.
I thought after 42 days I would be able to put it down again when I had achieved that mellow feeling.. but there was NO mellow feeling at any time during those nights.
I read that with a lot of people the experience is the same, I now understand this is a progressive problem/disease, I now understand the concept of one or two or moderating doesn't apply to me..that in itself was very frightening but now I feel a sense of relief. Yes I am echoing what a lot of you said about your own struggles.
So I am back to ODAT which I find an indespensible tool. But one differnece this time is that I am actively planning to change a lot about my life that doesn't satisfy me or enable me to live a balanced life (job, country I live in etc) and in order to do that I need to be totally AF. Those factors don't MAKE me drink, I ALLOWED myself to drink but cumilatively they make it very difficult for me to embrace a sober life long term. Which is what I want.
Thanks all and welcome to anyone new.. For me its all about learning and applying newly learnt strategies/advice and stripping away those layers to expose the rawness of the real person which can be quite a humbling experience but one that I think we would never want to turn back on. So here's to Life, Humility and Growth
Take Care
Patrice
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