Afraid of slipping...!

[BellaC]

I'm on day 20 and instead of feeling stronger, I feel weaker.

There are a few reasons for this. The little addictive voice "beast", if you will, has been beaten down the past weeks, and has been sullenly laying around with one eye open waiting for an opening. There hasn't been one until now...a combination of them. For one thing, I'm still dealing with depression and stress. I have more free time without AL now, but I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm still learning what I like to do and I'm still stuck in the rut that AL put me in. And so I'm getting a little discouraged...I was hoping some of the depressive fog would have lifted after a couple of AF weeks.

Also, a couple of friends that I rarely see wanted to go out tonight. They aren't big drinkers and may not even drink tonight but I've been avoiding going out socially at all if I'm concerned that the option is even there. And I instantly started having thoughts of drinking if we did go out. Bad, bad.

And the biggest factor is that I have several days off from work in a row in addition to my weekend. This is a rare thing, and in the past I would always binge for a few of those days, and recover on the other ones. And that freaking addictive voice is telling me, "Everyone has a little slip every once in a while, especially in the beginning. Why not just see if you can moderate?"

Please smack me straight!

[neart]

Afraid of slipping...!

Hi Bella, I don't know that I can help that much, but I can sympathise...I'm on Day 24 and am finding this 3rd week tougher than all the rest. For me, a lot of thoughts popping up about my actions in the past etc, and I have been biting the head off everyone!! I even had a rant at my acupuncturist today - oops... Sorry I can't help, but just to let you know you're not alone in the week 3-ish slump :l

[Chillgirl]

Afraid of slipping...!

Bella I know it's a pain but I don't think you should go out with your friends if you think it will be too tempting to drink. It's early days and I would avoid any socializing until you feel stronger. What else do you like to do? I found there were things I liked but never did before because I'd rather be drinking. And if you do stay home, it's Friday night so pamper yourself a bit, get some nice food in, rent a movie, give yourself a pedicure , eat ice-cream! If you struggle you know you can come here onto chat & get support.
What I love about AF Fridays is unhung Saturdays!

[Doggygirl]

Afraid of slipping...!

BellaC, congrats on your 20 days! Especially since that "voice" is already going in your head (*everyone* slips in the beginning, etc.) then I agree with Chillgirl's suggestion to not go where you know there will be strong temptation. Not if you are convinced that you need sobriety to have a good life.

I too used to drink all the time, so had no idea what else to do with myself. I found it helpful to make a long written list. My list included chore type things around my house but I also included things I thought would be fun. I didn't have a library card (and I like to read). I had never been to the local historical museum. It was nice having this list so when an urge would strike and I didn't feel like I could even think straight, I could get out my list and just pick something.

I avoided social situations and being around AL for quite a long time. I had to.

This might sound crazy, but you can google for anything these days. Here is a link to one of the sites that came up when I googled "Things to do" ThingsToDo.com - Things to do and places to go in each state

You can do this Bella. Don't let those voices tell you otherwise.

DG

[BellaC]

Afraid of slipping...!

Thanks everyone! Well, I didn't go out with my friends. I luckily got busy with something for school that took way longer than I thought it would so that banished a lot of my drinking thoughts. Also, just coming on here and venting how I was feeling helped a lot.
Neart, that actually helps me a ton. I guess I was feeling like I should be feeling better, and something was wrong with me because I wasn't. I feel better to know that I'm not alone in early sobriety and it's okay to be where I'm at right now. I know what you mean about biting off people's heads...I have been so freakin irritable!
Chill--I will be having an unhung Saturday! Thanks for the support! And Doggy--I think the list is an excellent idea. Thanks for the link; I'll definitely check it out. Thanks again everyone! :h

[mayday]

Afraid of slipping...!

Bella, you are to be commended, well done...small steps...
I too wanted to go out with friends last night, and went home instead because I couldn't trust myself...I have to say tho I was mad as hell and grumpy as!!..poor family,
Then today I heard that little voice again in the supermarket...I quietly said to it,'remember you don't drink' and refused to even look at the alcohol in the aisle...God I sound half mad don't I!...but the committment to do whatever it takes is made!
Doggy thanks for the link also I will use

[Kimberley]

Afraid of slipping...!

Hi Bella,

I definitely know the feeling you are talking about - I too am on Day 20. Usually week 3 is a killer for me, and I have heard a lot of people say the same. I guess it's something to do with not being far enough into sobriety to appreciate all the good stuff that comes and the loss of anxiety, physical benefits etc - they are only just coming. But it's far enough away from the memory of the withdrawal you just went through or the terrible day/night/event that made you decde to stop in the first place to make you tempted if you're bored.

I find going for really long walks helps me if I get cravings or don't know quite what to do with myself. Or you could go out in the garden/park and read a book you always wanted to read and never got round to. Or maybe plan to make a really nice meal (starter, main and dessert) - go and get fresh ingredients, take time to prepare and cook it etc. There is an endless list of things to do - you just have to discover them now that worrying about where and when the next drink is coming isn't occupying your time. Go and meet friends for coffee and cake. Paint, write a poem, join an evening class, go through all your junk and de-clutter, go for a facial, plan a day trip.

Find some activities you really enjoy and use your extra time that way. I hate the word pastime, as I think it sounds like you're running the time down, when actually you should be filling it doing things you love.

You're doing great - just make sure you make a list of all the things you would love to do - and do them!

K x

[BellaC]

Afraid of slipping...!

Well, the hardcore cravings started last Thursday, lessened a lot on Friday and I didn't even want to drink by Saturday. And here it is, Tuesday, and I haven't had a craving since. I saw my counselor yesterday and went over this with her, and she commended me for recognizing the triggers and reaching out for help (I admitted to my boyfriend that I wanted to drink badly and I came on here to vent). A big part of what helped me was all of your feedback and knowing that I wasn't alone and that what was happening to me was normal.

[paguy]

Afraid of slipping...!

Hi Bella:

I know exactly how you are feeling as I am on day 28 and I think today has been my biggest challenge as far as fighting back the demons. On my drive home from work (a 50 minute drive), I was playing a self-motivation CD in the car but I really wasn't listening because of all the chatter that was going on in my brain about how I am depriving myself of alcohol and it would be OK for me to have a drink tonight, blah... blah... blah... Also, thinking about my mom today as it would have been her 91st birthday today and I really miss her alot.

When I arrived home, I laid down for about 15 minutes and really concentrated on relaxing with my breathing and I feel much better now. I understand these urges do go in waves and as with all urges, they will pass. So, I am very glad that I kept control of the situation. This is not easy.

It helps me to read posts similar to yours to understand that this is the natural progression of trying to break an addiction that has such a strong hold on us.

I wish you continued success in your quest to be AF.

Best wishes,
John

[K9Lover]

Afraid of slipping...!

Hi Bella,
First of all, congratulations on getting through the craving...it's a huge step! I can definitely sympathize with you, I had a "near slip" about a week ago, it just hit me out of the blue. I felt I'd done really well with over 4 months sober, so why not? I immediately went back on my Antabuse just to be safe (I had stopped taking it). Anyway, keep hanging in there. Cravings don't last as long as a hangover, shame, or regret. I'm proud of you!!
:h
K9

[neart]

Afraid of slipping...!

Hi guys,
Bella - that's great that you're pulling out of it and that you figured out what would help you get through the tough time - talking to your boyfriend and looking for support here. I find newbies nest a really nice place to check in every day, just to say hi and also for lots of amazing support.
Paguy - I'm so sorry that you're missing your mom - I imagine it's always there, but that it's more to the forefront on days like today?
I am on the same day as you, 28 (although it turns out I can't count - thought it was day 30 - and I'm a teacher...:H )
I am also battling the voice in my head at the moment, the one that says "surely you can drink again in the future, don't be silly" and "you don't have a problem" etc etc...dangerous thoughts. Have been away from the site for a few days doing exams so I'm trying to reimmerse myself, to get back to where I was mentally. And starting tomorrow, I need an outdoor hobby! Thanks to everyone else for the advice too. It's so, so good to know I'm not alone in this :thanks: