90 Days of Change Ahead

[Pindakaas]

I posted this over in another thread, then thought it was a pretty good summary of where I am right now. So I'm starting my own thread with it. I want to keep track of what's going on with me in these upcoming 3 months. Here we go.

I've been putting this off and saying, "after this bottle" or "on Monday" or "Next month" for a long time now. Finally, the time has come. I can't put off dealing this problem any longer.

What am I going to do? Well, I'm going to start with not drinking for 90 days. That's a long time, and I think it will be enough time to heal the parts of me that are ailing. My list of ailments is vast, and I can trace all of them back to side effects of alcohol. I think I've damaged the lining of my guts, for instance, so processing food and getting enough nutrients out of it has become difficult. I have to take large doses of some vitamins just to stay even now.

I'm taking a horde of supplements to help heal. I started taking them before I came here and was very pleased to read that every one of them is recommended on this site for healing. I'm adjusting the dosages on some of them based on what I've read here.

In these 90 days there will be some significant challenges, but I'm committed to doing it. After that, if I feel tremendously better as I think I will, then I'll entertain the thought of moderation. Maybe. Not going to think that far ahead right now. My focus right now is healing.

I'm not a big fan of drugs with side effects (except wine, of course), so I'm not going down the medication route unless it's obvious I absolutely need it. Instead, when the cravings hit, I'm trying to make myself do something else. Getting some exercise really helps. Do some yoga. Read a book. Call a friend. Something.

Of course, this is Day 3, so it's all easy right now. I am committed to this and have no interest in a drink right now. This weekend, though . . . I know that will be harder. That's when the cravings will return. I suspect I'll come here a lot, too.

Making that pledge, "I will not drink for 90 days" seemed to really help get me in the right frame of mind. Yes, I've said that before -- I won't drink for x number of days or weeks or until some specific date, but this time, for the first time, it feels real. I really have to do this. My body just can't take any more abuse.

[Lavande]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Pindakaas,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!

Sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, good for you!
If you haven't already, download the MWO book from the Health Store. It is full of good info about the program. Also, look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for good ideas to help you make your plan.

I came here hoping that I could learn to moderate as well. But I changed my mind after my first 30 AF days. I enjoyed being hangover free, enjoyed my new found freedom so I never tried to moderate. Getting a grip on your drinking problem before you do any permanent damage is what's important.

Congrats on your 3 AF days - keep up the good work
Wishing you the best on your journey.

Lav

[Mazzie]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Pink

Welcome and all the best with your journey. Once I became serious and committed myself 100% to not touching any alcohol I found success. I am approx 3 months al free now and never want to go back to my old ways. Complacency was a prob for a while until I worked that out so am on guard much now but it is so much easier now most of the time.

I wish you well on your journey.

Oh and Lav helped me so much on the road to my recovery. Among other helpful things, if I got tempted to go into a bottle shop I would just picture her blue avatar standing outside on the footpath and I knew it definitely would not be winking at me if I went in and came out with a few bottles!!! Thanks Lav

[Panno]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Pink

I so understand your problems with the stomach and all - I could have wrote your post, thank you for sharing this. I will follow your progress and hopefully join you on your journey for 90 days - I am one step behind you. Look forward to reading your progress and good luck on your journey

P xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hello Pindakaas and welcome. Well done on finding us and even more so on thinking this thing through and making a plan. It is also obvious that you have the commitment to do this, it wont be easy but it is achievable. Keep the thread up, especially if you having a bad day, that is when it is most important and dont be shy about asking for help or advice.
Keep safe
KTAB

[Zeppie2]

90 Days of Change Ahead

welcome Pindakaas, - I am looking forward to reading how you are getting on.
good luck

[one2many]

90 Days of Change Ahead

A very big welcome to you Pindakaas!

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hey everybody! Thanks for the warm welcome. I really appreciate it.

Last night I listened to the hypnosis tape. Not the one from this site, but one I have from a prior go at reducing my drinking. I didn't have success with it before and I decided I'm one of those that isn't susceptible to hypnosis suggestions, but I thought I'd give it a try again. It'd help keep me focused on my goal, if nothing else.

The thing I did differently this time was to listen to it sitting upright on the couch. Always before I'd done it in bed and it always just put me to sleep at some point. It was nice for relaxation, but it didn't help my drinking at all.

But last night, I stayed awake for the whole thing. I still don't think I entered a hynoptic or especially open-minded state, but I did listen intently.

Two things of interest came of that, maybe. Today I feel like I've been pummelled about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat. Have you ever had a really deep massage that dug deep and worked all of the knots and tension out of you? And then your body felt achy, sore, and even bruised for a few days afterwards? That's how I feel today. I'm wondering if all of that guided relaxation made me really relax and release a big load of stored toxic stress from my muscles. I also have had a massive, head-splitting headache all day, and I never get headaches.

The other thing, which is far more interesting, is I thought of a glass of wine today and I immediately became slightly nauseous. One of the suggestions on the hypnosis tape was that I'd feel nauseous when seeing alcohol. Hmm. She only said it once and it was one suggestion amongst a bunch of other suggestions, but still. I've never felt nauseous at the thought of a glass of wine before.

What has your experience been? Have you done the MWO tapes? Have they helped? I'm going to continue listening to this regularly and really see how it goes.

Oh, and I slept like a rock last night. First time in ages, slept the whole night through. That could be the hypnosis or it could be just being on Night 4 and having enough alcohol out of my system that it's not disturbing my sleep any more.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Yeah, I'd like a glass of wine. Home from work, tired, haven't had one in a few days (6, to be exact), feeling virtuous, how about a reward?

Sigh. Endless cycle. Must break this cycle if I'm ever going to get healthy.

So no. No wine for me tonight. I'm not even desperately craving it right now. Just want it. Thinking about it. But won't have it.

Slept all night through again last night. But still really tired. I understand that's typical in the first few weeks. Almost fell asleep at my desk at work today. Not good. I hope this passes soon and I start getting some energy back.

[catbails]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Let's not forget the animals.

PLEASE,lets help the animals.

[techie]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Pindakass. I'll have 90 days tomorrow. I like to join you as I go for another 90 to reach 180 days. Guess I'll just post here daily and help support you and ohters as well. Welcome. I like this new avatar of yours a bit better Nice to meet you...John

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Techie. I'm really fond of that donkey, but for this forum it doesn't suit so well. Nice serene trees = better.

Congrats on your 90 days tomorrow! How do you feel? I'm thrilled to have you join me here.

I've done that Nautica Malibu Triathlon. A few times, in fact. It's a lot of fun. You too?

[techie]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Pindakaas;932220 wrote: Hi Techie. I'm really fond of that donkey, but for this forum it doesn't suit so well. Nice serene trees = better.

Congrats on your 90 days tomorrow! How do you feel? I'm thrilled to have you join me here.

I've done that Nautica Malibu Triathlon. A few times, in fact. It's a lot of fun. You too?

Thanks P I am feeling very good off the booze. Went too heavy into it for about 8 years.

This is my first Malibu. I was mostly doing half ironmans prior to the drinking abuse. I feel good about doing well. I've trained well. The swin is my weak spot always was! Again, nice to meet you...john

[SoFlo1]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Pindakass, I'm coming up on the end my first 90 days AF myself. It was my initial commit, just to see what would happen, and I picked that timeframe for some of the reasons you probably did - it's long enough to get some physical healing done and shorter than "the rest of my life".

In the last month or so, though, my initial time-based goal has really faded to the background. It turns out that taking away alcohol was just the first step in a much more satisfying - and more interesting - journey of healing and growth in all areas of my life, in relationships and sprituality as well as physical well-being. In these areas, I feel like more of a beginner now than I ever have and am just grateful to have had this first three month period to open my eyes.

Good luck to you on your journey - just don't be suprised if your goals shift along the way to be bigger and more satisfying than you can envision right now.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi techie: I was up to half ironmans, too, until I started getting these odd health problems that eventually kept me from training completely. Rapid heartrate, muscle pain and weakness. I didn't attribute that to drinking for a long time. I'm signed up for a half marathon to help force myself to get healthy and do some proper training for it.

Hi SoFlo: You're right about the timeframe. Long enough to get a lot of physical healing done and far enough away that I can ponder what to do after that when the time comes.

That said, the easy part is over. It's been 6 days now, and I WANT A GLASS OF WINE. Pffft.

Pffft.

I'm rationalizing, and I can do that with the best of them (I know we all can). Just one glass. That won't hurt my health, right? Not much of a setback, anyway. And the 90 days has hardly started, I can start over tomorrow.

How many times have I done this? Many, many times.

This time has to be different. No more one glass going fast so another one won't hurt, either. Then, ok, a 3rd glass is ok too. Then, well, what the hell, let's have a 4th. Maybe a 5th. That's a bottle to myself, maybe into a second one.

Then I'll wake up at 2am. Always between 2am and 2:15am. Unable to sleep again, tossing and turning, berating myself for doing it and resolving to never do it again. Falling asleep at 4, only to have to get up at 5:30.

Dragging all day long. Joints ache, heartrate is too high, leg muscles are weak and painful. It hurts to climb the stairs at work. How does alcohol do that to my leg muscles? I don't know, but it does. A few days of not-drinking and the strength starts to return.

Finally, the work day is over. I get home, tired. Walk the dog and then have a glass of wine. It'll make me feel better. Wasted day. Soon to turn into a wasted night, which will mean another wasted day tomorrow.

So it goes, over and over. I've read this same story from a bunch of you so I know I'm not alone in this problem.

Alright, I've talked myself out of this. No wine for me tonight. Desire is gone. 90 days is still intact. I'm going to put the yoga tape on and do a little workout with it.