90 Days of Change Ahead

[paguy]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Pendakaas and Welcome! Today is 30 days for me so I will join you for another 90, how's that?

I see you are a runner. I took up running about 2 years ago and have run 2 half-marathons, 2 10-mile races and a slew (a whole lot) of 5K races. I have been side-lined due to a non-running related foot injury that required surgery. I am hoping to run my next half-marathon in November.

I have not been able to train for the last 5 weeks and I am really interested to see how my training progresses now that I am AF free!

Again, welcome and glad to meet you.

[Ringing Cedars]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Awesome internal diaglogue!! Good for you. You won!! :goodjob:

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Paguy. Another fellow runner! And a partner in the 90 days. Happy to have you. My half marathon is in Sept. I need to get out there and do some training for it.

Thanks, RingingCedars. Winning is good. I was quite happy about that, once I got through it.

A week ago today I had my last drink. Several of them, of course, but the last one was the last one. I don't remember it. I do remember feeling weak and sickly as I drank glass after glass and knowing I had to stop this at some point, and soon. Wasn't sure when, though.

The next day, I felt really bad. Not just a hangover, but sick. Weak. Just no muscle strength at all. I spent most of the day in bed. My husband left in the early morning to ride his bike with his training partners. In the afternoon he called to see if I could come pick him up. He was at a partner's house having a post-ride beer and didn't want to ride home. He asked me if I was ok to drive. He assumed I would have had a few glasses of wine by now. But no, I hadn't. I was vascillating . Was today the day? How much more could my body take before I had no choice? I summoned the energy to get in the car. There they offered me some wine, but I declined. They were all surprised. What? No wine? You? Yes. Sigh. Me.

On the way home I made up my mind. Today was the day. No more drinking. For 90 days, at least. I need to get healthy. How long would it be before I go from not having the energy to get out of bed to not having the energy to draw another breath? I was starting to think it wouldn't be all that long. Most people would laugh to hear me say that, as I am in my 40's and still appear pretty healthy, but I was really starting to think that I was dying. And all because I was choosing wine over life.

That evening we went to a friend's house for dinner. She is a big drinker and so are the rest of her guests. But I drank water. I really didn't feel good and just looked forward to making it home and crawling back into bed. No one said anything about my water other than, 'oh, you're being good tonight.'

That was my Day 1. Since then, I feel much better. I still don't have the muscle strength that I should but it's improving a little bit every day. My heart rate, blood pressure, and breathiness are starting to reduce. The ache in my joints is improving. I actually got out of bed this morning and didn't wince in pain from my feet. I can still feel them ache a bit, but they aren't so painful. I could run again, probably.

I have a long way to go to heal. Physically speaking. What I'll go through mentally in these 90 days I have no idea.

But hey, week 1 has been a success. Onward.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Cranky. Really grouchy and irritable today. Feet still hurt. Had to go into to work today and spent many hours there. Home now. Hungry. Tired. A glass of wine would be lovely.

But I can't have one. Really not happy about that.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Had some food. Had a nap. A good, long, hard nap. Feeling much better about everything now. That advice of 'never let yourself get too hungry or too tired' is crucial to keeping on track with anything you've committed to. No doubt about that.

The husband's birthday is in a couple of days. I'm planning a little surprise for him tomorrow. He's going for a swim in the morning with his training partners. I'm going to cook breakfast while they are away. I got an ice cream cake for him. We'll have champagne to celebrate. I have a bottle of bubbly for each person who will be in attendance, except for me.

We do this often, this swimming and champagne thing. There have been times when we got back from swimming in the morning, started drinking, and they didn't leave until 10pm. I used to swim with them before I got too weak and my blood pressure went nuts and it got too risky to jump into the cold water.

Tomorrow I won't be drinking with them, either. Maybe one of these days I will be swimming again, though. Soon, I think.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

I guess I'm just talking to myself now. I can do that on the blog or anywhere. No feedback = no reason to post.

[mario]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Pindakas sometimes it gets quite here especially on sundays around here, tell me how are things going for you

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Things are ok, thanks Mario. I think I'll keep the boring details of my life over at the blog Re-Becoming Me and just post questions/occasional updates here.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Like this one: Husband is drunk. Today was his birthday party. Guests, food, wine. Now they're gone and he's still drinking. He's turning up the music louder and louder and yelling at the dog. I get so tired of this. Why can't he be a quiet, introverted drunk like me?

[techie]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Sorry Pindy but I've been there as well. He won't feel so well in the morning. I never did. It is especially difficult when one is sober and dealing with it. Hang in there!

[Miss Behaving]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi P,

we haven't met, but I was just reading your thread and really enjoying it. I hope you continue on with it!

It was really nice of you to go to all that effort for your husband's birthday. Sometimes when I do that I want some appreciation afterwards, and I know if I was in your shoes I'd be looking for it from him! But if he is drunk and yelling at the dog you might have to wait for him to sober up before he thinks about that. Can you do something nice for yourself in the mean time? Particularly having got through it AF - you deserve a big pat on the back if nothing else!!!

[Ringing Cedars]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hey Pinda! Techie's right hang in there. I agree with Miss B too. You deserve a pat on the back for providing a lovely birthday lunch and doing it sober! Hubby obviously isn't in the frame of mind to do that at the moment, so we will!! )

[paguy]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Pindakaas;935339 wrote: I think this new friend should be exercise. When I'm bored, go for a swim. When I'm sad, go for a run. When I'm tired, do yoga. When I'm stressed, ride the bike. I know people who turn to this as new friend become just as addicted to it as they were to their old friend. But it's a healthy addiction. I'd lose weight, get fit, feel good, and be stronger. Yes, I will ask exercise to be my new friend.

Pind:

I just finished reading your "New Friend" post on your "Re-Becoming Me" blog site and it sounded to me like you had a pretty good plan on how to move forward with replacing alcohol with exercise as your new friend. I know for me, new friendships come slow and they develop gradually over time. Perhaps a little more patience and setting goals, one step at a time, will help you develop and nuture this new friendship. Can you find an upcoming 5K race or another type of event that you can set your sights on and work towards achieving it? I know that I always have races planned a few months in advance to keep myself motivated and engaged with the 'friendship' I have developed with running.

BTW - the egg tart that you talked about and prepared for your husband's birthday champagne brunch sounded lovely. Cooking is another passion of mine and I enjoy reading about other people's cooking experiences.

I know you are going through a hard time. If you are committed to making a change, be patient and the rewards will come.

[Pindakaas]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi guys, and thanks! He did appreciate the brunch and said so repeatedly before he got drunk. It's ok. I took the dog into the bedroom with me to get her away from him. He wasn't being abusive, but he was yelling at her to stop doing something and she didn't need that. She's a young dog and needs patient training, not drunk commands.

But to his credit, he put a movie on and stopped drinking before he completely lost control. That's a real switch for him. He's trying to be supportive of me and more conscious of his own drinking.

Now on to today: First off -- 10 days in a row of no-wine! I'm very happy with that. The all-consuming tiredness is starting to pass. I am starting to think about focusing on my diet and fitness again, which really needs to be done.

I had a lot of tests done today. Gory details in the blog Re-Becoming Me.

Paguay -- I was a triathlete before my health took a nosedive and I ended up not being able to do hardly anything, physically speaking. I know what you mean about signing up for an event to make yourself get out there and get some exercise. I've done that often. I have a handle on what sets my heartrate and blood pressure off now, so I'm starting to exercise again. I signed up for a half marathon in October to motivate me to get out there. My problem lately has been my feet hurt too dang much to run. Very painful joints. But that's getting better. I will run again. Tomorrow, in fact. I'm already behind on my training schedule.

RingingCedars and MissBehaving, thanks, I really appreciate the acknowledgement of the effort in the brunch! You guys know that takes some work and that some people just take it for granted.

Hi Techie. I did hang, thanks. Holding on strong right now, in fact. Feeling good. Hey, are you doing the Malibu sprint or olympic? We've done the sprint every year for the past 3 years, but this year we'll be up in Canada (Hub is doing IM CA). Last year I did it in super-slow motion, trying to keep my heartrate from zooming up out of control.

The heart thing, if anyone is interested, turned out to be a magnesium deficiency. Now when I can feel my heart pounding in my ears when I'm just standing or lying there doing nothing, or if my blood pressure gets so high my eyeballs feel like they are popping out, or if I climb stairs and can't catch my breath by the time I get to the top, I take some calcium/magnesium and all of that calms right down. I take that supplement about 3x per week now to keep it in check.

Now, WHY I am deficient in magnesium is the burning question. Has many years of wine abuse given me a malabsorption problem and thus made me deficient in any number of vital nutrients? I think so.

[Luciarising]

90 Days of Change Ahead

Hi Pindakass,
Just joined and spent some time reading your posts-- really great-- thanks for sharing!! Just have a minute--wanted to ask you about the hypnosis tape you were listening to.. which one was it?