Whats wrong with me????

[ItsJustMe]

Hi All ?

Like so many, I am new here as well. I think I have discovered that a problem that I have denied having for a long time is something that is truly an issue. I?ve tried kicking it?s butt but I just keep failing. I?m curious if what I am experiencing is typical or atypical from others here. Right now I am on R&C #3 thinking of making #4.

1) I love Bacardi Rum with diet Coke.

2) In the morning,
a. I am not throwing up or anything like that. I usually just feel that I didn?t sleep well and end up dragging the first part of the morning.
b. I?ve pretty much lost interest and motivation in stuff I used to like to do.
c. I get very hot in the mornings and sweat a lot. The room is usually around 75F.
d. I think that life would be so much better if I never saw a rum and coke again
e. I think about how much weight I can lose if I stop (I did a year ago and dropped 50 pounds in 4 months)
f. I am very optimistic about not drinking.

3) About 3PM,
a. I start getting depressed because I feel that I am denying myself something that I want
b. I think that I could only have a little (which I really know won?t work)
c. I think that ?just tonight then I will start fresh tomorrow? ?or-
d. Something will come up that will justify drinking
e. My mood suddenly changes to very positive and happy

4) Around 6:30,
a. I pour my first drink
b. It taste better than any one before
c. I start to really feel good
d. What?s one more going to hurt ? besides I?m about to watch a movie and a drink would be nice with it.
e. Move is half over and glass is empty. Gone this far, might as well have another
f. Off to bed ? thinking Tomorrow will be different!

I?m tired of this! The entire summer I have lived in a Bacardi bottle. One week out of the year my wife and I go on a big time vacation and there is lots of alcohol involved. Other than this week, I?d love to kick AL?s butt. I have nothing to be depressed about at all. I just don?t understand how I ended up here.

Its Just Me?.

[ghostman]

Whats wrong with me????

sounds like my routine but usually it was more like 12 beers starting at 630 lol!! no good no good. Stupid alcohol... but yeah youre not the only one that goes through that routine for sure! At least you recognize that you dont like living tyhat way right... ??

[Mazzie]

Whats wrong with me????

Hi and Welcome Itsjustme

I think your story is typical of many of us here. Sounds like you have been looking at yourself and starting to not like the love affair with the bottle. That's a great start.

I had a similar pattern to you - 3pm on a work day and the thoughts would start. When I was trying to stop drinking then from that time until after I had dinner I would be in a mental battle. My strategy not to drink was not to buy any in the first place so had none in my house. Weekends were harder for a while until after having a few weeks al free I loved the change from being a couch potato to beginning to live life again. I also recognised having that drink was like a habit. Had to break the habit and do something different.

I know my drinking was getting worse and would only continue on that downward spiral unless I changed. I chose life.

Its approx 3 months now since I had a drink. Alcohol is not part of my life now. I am aware tht I am only 1 drink away from a drunk so will always be on guard but it is so much easier. I just have to learn to live sober now and that is proving an interesting but challenging journey!!!

All the best to you

[mayday]

Whats wrong with me????

Welcome itsjustme,
Keep reading and posting,

Well said Mazzie...we are only 1 drink away from a drunk so we ned to be on our gaurd,
I needed to be reminded of that today thanks

[K9Lover]

Whats wrong with me????

Welcome Itsjustme!
Your routine sounds familiar to many of us, including myself. It was either 5-6 Rum and Cokes for me or 12+ beers, daily. For the last 4 months I have been on Antabuse, which I take everyday around 3pm, because that's when my "drinking thoughts" start settling in. Once you pop the medication, drinking is no longer an option, so it removes the inner battle. Have you thought of anything you can do to start moving towards an alcohol free life? Maybe you could start by talking to a Doctor?
We're glad to have you here...let us know how you're doing!
K9

[sunshinedaisies]

Whats wrong with me????

Welcome Itsjustme - you sound like SO many of us here. Once you know what you see and don't like it that is the first good sign. Then you have to decide what is your next move. yours was posting here. SO, what to do? You have to decide that. Get a plan. Download the My Way Out book, available from the Health store here. Read, post, decide which is the best way for you to go. Ask questions - there are so many folk here that will be really happy to help you. Most of, if not all of us here have been in your shoes. Welcome. Wishing you all the best on your journey here with us.

hugs, Sunshinedaisies x

[Cinders]

Whats wrong with me????

:welcome: ItsJustMe,

I am a drunk, not one drink away at all. Many drinks into being a drunk.

I was where you were at one time, though. Truly.

I spent many, many years drinking 4-5 drinks a night, falling into bed, sleeping in a stupor, trying to stop doing that. My intake gradually increased.

Then one day it magically changed. I became a REAL drunk. I woke up one morning and went to work. I realized by noon as my hands were shaking so hard I couldn't type. Not good for someone who types on computers for a living.

I went to the closest restaurant at lunch and had a couple of drinks.

Whew!! That problem was solved!!

Then things quickly got worse.

I would wake up in the morning with my hands and body shaking. Quivering, hurting. It was horrible and there was only one fix.

I did that.

I actually drank before driving to work and working and then I would go out for lunch and drink a couple and then at night I would drink enough to fill an ocean.

No joke. That is how it has gone for me.

I would get bruises where I never hit parts of my body. (read that liver failure)

I had pains in my right lower stomach, pains in my lower back right near the kidneys and I thought it could not get any worse.

It did. It got much worse.

I will not continue because if by this point you have written me off as a drunk unlike you, then nothing I say will make a difference.

This, whatever you want to call it, is seriously progressive. There are only a few people here who have ever been in the depths that I have but they understand.

Oh, and no. I haven't lost my job yet. I have managed. I will probably lose it soon but it has nothing to do with my performance, abilities or drinking. It is pure economics.

I have been lucky because no one has ever suspected me of being a drunk that I have worked for and with. I have actually worked in a complete blackout and done a great job. YAY!! No, not yay.

It can get worse.

What is wrong with you?

I don't care what you call it.

I do care and hope that you can arrest it now.

It gets worse.

Much, much worse.

Cindi

Oh, and I am doing well now and I don't look back a bit. Regrets do nothing for me. Just doing the next right thing does.

[Pink Angel]

Whats wrong with me????

very very harsh.

[Cinders]

Whats wrong with me????

Harsh?

Cindi

[Cinders]

Whats wrong with me????

I am sorry if telling how this "condition" developed with me was harsh.

It could happen to anyone. Or maybe just to me. Or perhaps only a few of us.

Thanks, Pink, for bringing me up by my bootstraps and letting me know I shouldn't share how bad it can be.

Cindi

[Pindakaas]

Whats wrong with me????

Why shouldn't we hear about how bad it can get for some? For me it's useful. No denying that the addiction is progressive.

[Pindakaas]

Whats wrong with me????

MajorBalls;931418 wrote: you are a fake loser.. change it up. Your a pig, you like this shit!!!

Aw. Someone needs a hug. :l

It'll be ok, you'll wake up and grow up someday.

[Cinders]

Whats wrong with me????

ItsJustMe,

Please ignore the weird posts on this thread. (I am hoping they get deleted and I will look like a completely loony toon.)

I can deal with that.

But I do hope and pray you read my response.

Our "whatever you want to call it" is progressive. It does get much worse.

If you can arrest it now. Please do.

We will all be here to support you.

If you can't, we will still care and like you.

At thre ernd of thre day, what matters is can look at your face in the mirror and know you are doing "what it takes."

Much love and understanding,
Cindi

[techie]

Whats wrong with me????

Cinders,

Who, pray tell, are you responding to here. Just curious...john

[Zeppie2]

Whats wrong with me????

Cinders - your routine sounded exactly like mine and I remember for years I told myself I didn't have a problem, that's when I would only drink after work every night and all weekend.

You are right - it does get worse, and well done to everyone who recognises that they have a problem before they get to the point were we did.

I wish I had the sense to see I had a problem years ago


Welcome Itsjustme, stick around, this is a great place to be