i just dont know what to say anymore

[lil.michelle]

I just don't know anymore. I'm much MUCH better where drink is concerened but i feel i am i looking for a miracle cure? I'm hardly drinking at all but i feel i keep putting myself out there to get help, telling people everything (only professionals) they always say they have the answer but things never STOP me from wanting drink. I have MUCH MUCH more control now but i guess i'm looking at the whole drinking issue like there is an on and off switch. Does anyone know what i mean? how i'm feeling?

Now i can pour a glass of wine and drink it and move on. I don't feel the need to drink the bottle. I don't feel the need to do this every day. Only once every week or 2 weeks. i guess my only issue is i always want it in the day and NEVER at night. *sigh*

[Pindakaas]

i just dont know what to say anymore

There isn't a miracle cure. This is hard and it takes work. All of the plans and programs just help, they don't do it for you.

Not wanting more after one glass is great. Have a glass of wine with lunch once in a while and have no more, if that's what you want and if you can do it.

[Farm Girl]

i just dont know what to say anymore

Sounds like you have got it under control - for now. Just be careful. I quit drinking for 9 years, started up again and after two years of being pretty moderate, I started to slip. Let the desire pass and focus on other things. Congrats on your progress!

[Pride before Fall]

i just dont know what to say anymore

I woke up over a month ago after a blackout to find alcohol was no longer a treat or something I deserved or a necessary social lubricant in my mind; it was a gun, and I had been playing Russian roulette for more than a decade. "Oh my God! I have a gun in my hand! Can everybody see this? I have a gun in my hand!"

It still feels that way. I haven't struggled with cravings, and I can't even say why. I wish I could, to help so many people I see struggling with them here. I just feel horror, and relief, like I was in a terrible car accident and walked away.

I went out and bought replacements for all the alcohol I'd drunk that night, so "no one would know." It's all still here except for the odd one my fiance and visitors have had. No urge to drink it. As recently as July 14, it would've been gone in 2 days (those new boxes are great, no one can see how much you drank, and no clink of bottles when you ease open the fridge for a refill...).

I haven't taken any drugs (bought topimax and kudzu, but haven't had cravings to battle so haven't used them). I do use hypnosis tapes; not the ones on MWO (couldn't afford those!), ones I found elsewhere online. I don't know if that has helped, or even if this shift in perception I woke up with will last, but I hope to God it does.

Anyway, it felt like a switch. Click! It wasn't a glass in my hand, it was a gun. So far, it's still a gun.