Hi All,
I've been hanging around this forum for awhile now and thought I might contribute my ten cents worth of anguish. I know I have a drinking problem when I use it as a crutch for my life. I never use to be addicted to it. In fact, I avoided it with gusto because of the way I was brought up. You see, both of my parents were alcoholics, especially my mother. My father on the other hand drank at social events, and did he got to a lot of social events. Their problem was that my mother was addicted to my father and my father was addicted to himself. You can safely say that my father wasn't much of one as I was growing up. So for along time, I avoid social events, thinking I would turn into my parents.
This hindered my growth as a man, especially with women. I was befriended by a female neighbor last year and very quickly, we were involved (a week later actually) and it lasted for three glorious months. During this time, we drank a lot and had a great time, but soon cracks started to appear. I'm a pretty laid back person and would absorb her rants as personal attacks. But they got more and darker as it went on. Until on new years eve, just gone. I arrived at her place and realized something was wrong. Her niece(8 years), who was staying with her at the time opened to door. I stepped into the house and it was as I stepped into a freezer. To get to the point, she didn't want to talk to me and I couldn't get her to talk about it, whatever it was and I took it as a problem with me. In hid sight, it was a problem with me. The fact I couldn't deal with her crap anymore.
My biggest problem was that for the last 8 months (not including the drinking time with her) I've been drunk ever since. I hear her voice over the fence and see her kids and grand kids play in the front yard (which I use to play with also). I also know that she has a new BF who's a old family friend that has a lot of money (yes!.. I know that's got nothing to do with relationships) but each time I see her,hear her or even see her car, I get reminded about our time together and it makes my drink even more.
The biggest of all my problems (other than drinking) is I'm in government housing and can't move. I have no friends to speak to, no family (I was abandoned at 18 when me parents got divorced, my father left and didn't come back and my mother went and lived with my auntie in another state), no relatives to rely on (I only have my auntie but we were never close because my father hated her and made us stay away from her) and no social life. Alcohol is making me relive my ugly history and I can't seem to beat it. At most I've been AF for a few days at a time but something would happen, or I see or hear her again and back to the local I'd go. I brought myself a cheap mp3 player to stop hearing her each time I go outside but because I'm using the mp3 player to drown out her sounds my mind goes off to relive our time together.
I know I'm only complaining and have canceled this rant several times before now but I just think someone out there in internet land might offer some advice to a broke and very drunk guy who can't handle his own crap anymore.
Regards
I've been hanging around this forum for awhile now and thought I might contribute my ten cents worth of anguish. I know I have a drinking problem when I use it as a crutch for my life. I never use to be addicted to it. In fact, I avoided it with gusto because of the way I was brought up. You see, both of my parents were alcoholics, especially my mother. My father on the other hand drank at social events, and did he got to a lot of social events. Their problem was that my mother was addicted to my father and my father was addicted to himself. You can safely say that my father wasn't much of one as I was growing up. So for along time, I avoid social events, thinking I would turn into my parents.
This hindered my growth as a man, especially with women. I was befriended by a female neighbor last year and very quickly, we were involved (a week later actually) and it lasted for three glorious months. During this time, we drank a lot and had a great time, but soon cracks started to appear. I'm a pretty laid back person and would absorb her rants as personal attacks. But they got more and darker as it went on. Until on new years eve, just gone. I arrived at her place and realized something was wrong. Her niece(8 years), who was staying with her at the time opened to door. I stepped into the house and it was as I stepped into a freezer. To get to the point, she didn't want to talk to me and I couldn't get her to talk about it, whatever it was and I took it as a problem with me. In hid sight, it was a problem with me. The fact I couldn't deal with her crap anymore.
My biggest problem was that for the last 8 months (not including the drinking time with her) I've been drunk ever since. I hear her voice over the fence and see her kids and grand kids play in the front yard (which I use to play with also). I also know that she has a new BF who's a old family friend that has a lot of money (yes!.. I know that's got nothing to do with relationships) but each time I see her,hear her or even see her car, I get reminded about our time together and it makes my drink even more.
The biggest of all my problems (other than drinking) is I'm in government housing and can't move. I have no friends to speak to, no family (I was abandoned at 18 when me parents got divorced, my father left and didn't come back and my mother went and lived with my auntie in another state), no relatives to rely on (I only have my auntie but we were never close because my father hated her and made us stay away from her) and no social life. Alcohol is making me relive my ugly history and I can't seem to beat it. At most I've been AF for a few days at a time but something would happen, or I see or hear her again and back to the local I'd go. I brought myself a cheap mp3 player to stop hearing her each time I go outside but because I'm using the mp3 player to drown out her sounds my mind goes off to relive our time together.
I know I'm only complaining and have canceled this rant several times before now but I just think someone out there in internet land might offer some advice to a broke and very drunk guy who can't handle his own crap anymore.
Regards
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