A second chance

[Liath]

I'm not really new here, but today is my first day AF in many months, I feel like I am starting again. Physically, I feel pretty bad, shaky, queezy stomach, all that fun stuff. But I do know that AL is not a quick fix, it's really the problem. The source of anxiety, fear, depression. I've decided against tapering down. I am all alone in a new city, waiting to start a phd, they only sell beer by the case here in PA, and if I get wine I'll just drink the whole bottle. Anyways, I've suffered enough, as have those around me because of AL. I have a chance here to start a new life, a great BF and family back home, and little temptation at the moment. Just need some support to get me through the day. Thanks!

[K9Lover]

A second chance

Hi Liath!
Welcome back! I know how bad you probably feel today, but it will pass. Just remember you have to get sick to get better. A few days of feeling bad will be worth it once your body starts to heal. Do you have any supplements to help you through the next few days? Or are you able to go to a Doctor? Hang in there, you CAN do this.
Please let us know how you are, and stick close!
K9

[betty boop]

A second chance

Hiya Liath ...........:welcome: back!!!!!

I believe that once you have realised that AL is not a quick fix then you are winning!!!!! be strong over the next few days and you CAN do this .........

Good luck with it and your new future, you deserve it!!!!

Look forward to seeing you around the boards again :l:l:l

[bigscotsman]

A second chance

hi liath

im 14 days sober and after the first few days of darkness and gloom i felt like it was worth it, take the new start and sieze the day, booze is a gloomy poison that is not our friend, it is a killer with a judas kiss

[Kimberley]

A second chance

LIATH!! Welcome back :l
So you decided to move to a new place after all for your PHD. This IS the perfect chance to start over. I, too, have been struggling badly in recent months - what is it with us? Must be twins. May I just add that you're a smart, witty, lovable lady

In all seriousness, I will tell you what I have been learning of late, through reading, asking others etc. If you REALLY want to get sober and REMAIN that way (I did get sober, but relapsed) - you must have a few tools in your arsenal. And I'm not talking about tips like what to do at social functions etc, although they are useful. But for the long-term you have to change a lot of things.

1, Recovery MUST be your no. 1 priority - more important to you than anything else.

2, You must practice acceptance - of your condition, situations, other people and most importantly love and accept yourself for who you are.

3, Have faith, hope and trust that you can have a better life and you can get better and be patient that it will happen.

4, Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. You didn't choose to be like this, but you are, so to get better you must do some work, as anyone with an illness would take their medicine.

5, Ask for and accept help. This is going to be the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life. It is such a big thing that you can not do it on your own however much you try (another of my past failings). This help can be counselling, treatment, AA, MWO of course, and although I personally don't believe in God I am starting to believe in the need for help from a 'higher power'. All this means issomething that is bigger than you and can give you strength, whether it is a religious belief or something else such as nature, science, philosophy. I'm not explaining it too well and haven't thought of my own yet - but know I need to.

6, Honesty - be totally honest with yourself and as painful as it is, be honest with others. We alkies are pretty much liars after all. Don't want to carry on down that road.

7, Have courage - you may need to ask your higher power for this. F.E.A.R= Face Everything And Recover.

I haven't had a handle on my recovery as I thought it was enough just to stop drinking and rely on willpower - it wasn't. As a very clever man said: alkie's possess amazing willpower. They can down a glass of whiskey in the morning, vomit it up - repeat three times until it finally stays down. Yes, that is willpower!

But anyway, I feel I am finally learning and have hope that I can get better. I never truly believed that before.

Anyway I hope you stick around Liath - I'd love to hear you're doing well and go on your journey with you.

Kim xxx

[rebirth]

A second chance

Hi Liath
Welcome back! You sound really positive! You can do it. Kick AL up the bum!!

[Liath]

A second chance

Aw, thanks Kim and everyone for the support! I am truely alone in PA at the moment, but rather than hitting the bars, I am home, struggling to eat. my mind does not want AL but my body sure does! Was not well enough to deal w school stuff today. I hope by 2 morow I won't be so shaky. Drank -my last- bottle of wine yesturday afternoon, felt like a loser going to buy it, knowing I'd drink it and still want more. Tired of being demoralized by a bottle, excited to begin a new life based on higher education, repairing my body and soul. I need your help to do it!

[Chillgirl]

A second chance

Laith - welcome back!
Yes your body will still be craving AL but the good news is, your mind is in charge and can say no. It won't take long for the physical effects to wear off, I know they are crap but in few days the worst will be over. Stay strong and committed, get a plan together and avoid the worst triggers. Keep posting how you are doing so you can get support.
Sending you much love and strength :l

[Liath]

A second chance

I am feeling a little better already, but don't worry, I know the battle has only just begun. For me, it's everything to do with changing my lifestyle, the company I keep, and facing my personal demons. For instance, how did I let this happen to me? What makes me perpetuate this behavior thats clearly ruining me? This and many other questions will need to be answered. Or maybe it will be enough to say that I've been through this hell and survived, emerged stronger.

[Rusty]

A second chance

Hi Liath,

You sound good....glad to hear from you! I just sent you a PM. Let us know how you're doing.

Rusty

[Liath]

A second chance

I made it through the day! Yeah! Baby steps...

[Sunnyvalenting]

A second chance

Hooray for Liath! One down, and a lifetime to go.
Try not to think of this as giving up anything of value but rather of letting go of worthless crap and embracing the freedom which is your birthright.
I have been through more Day 1s than I care to or even can remember. But I am now securely AF for the past 7+ months and have learned a lot about our disease.
You ask a lot of "whys" and it came to me early on that the only answer that mattered was "because I became alcohol dependent". My brain was wired to crave alcohol. I craved it when I felt well or bad, bored or overexcited. There was always a reason to point at but the reasons don't really matter. What matters now is that I am rewiring my brain to not drink under any circumstance. I happen to be using a drug to help me do that. I will do anything to never go backwards on this again.
The first day is so significant. I look forward to hearing of your progress.
Sunny

[Audrey14]

A second chance

Hi Liath!!!

I have my Day 1 again after many attempts..The last one was 5 days ago and lastet 5 days..i was so happy..no i have to start from 0 again..Only i can say it was a good exercice and i learned a lot...

So, i wish you another day of sobriety!!!

audrey

[grangelady]

A second chance

Hi Liath
Well done on making the commitment to become AF, I'm starting my day 1 again today, I managed 11 days although I was trying to moderate (only had 4 glasses of wine in 11 days).

But I've set a goal of 30 days AF before I consider moderate drinking. It's going to be tough and we need to be strong. People on this site will give us the strength and support - we just have to make sure we stick at it.

Good luck xxxx

[Kimberley]

A second chance

Hi Liath, very glad to hear you're feeling better.

Luckily with moving to a new city, it should be much easier to do all the things you mentioned about changing your lifestyle. I'm guessing you don't know many people there if anyone at all. So start anew.

One danger about digging into the whole 'how did I let this happen to me?' question is that you risk starting to play the 'blame game'. If you say, oh it's the friends I've been seeing etc, then it almost gives you licence to slip up again because of friends, if you see what I mean. I have done this - I have a few friends that I let tug at my heartstrings with their troubles so then when a new problem comes along and I get THAT phone call, I have slipped up. I realise now that I was giving myself an excuse if you see what I mean 'Oh I'm sad for them, I can't stand it, I have to feel better...hello Vodka...'

'What makes me perpetuate this behavior thats clearly ruining me?' Addiction.

I am not trying to be dogmatic, so I hope you don't think that - but just giving you my opinion, as I found the way I was doing it wasn't working in the long-term but I feel I am starting to understand how this whole thing should be tackled. Mind you this is MY WO, so feel free to ignore. Plus I guess it depends what kind of drinker you were in some cases.

I suggest you try to read some recovery books maybe and see if you find anything you can relate to and you think will help. I have found hope doing just that, where before at the back of my mind I know I wasn't completely convinced I could stay sober (who, me?) even when I went teetotal for quite a while. Scary to be so afraid, unsure and white-knuckling it, so to speak.

Anyway, you are right, you will emerge stronger than ever before once you've beaten the addiction. Hope these next few days you start to feel even better and are settling in well to your new life