A second chance

[OverIt2007]

A second chance

Hi Liath,

I remember you from before, were both a couple of old timers it seems. I know if we just keep trying, we can get it right!

I need a fresh start too. I'll join you and we can help each other ok???

Heres to a fresh start!!!

[rebirth]

A second chance

Come on Overit! You can do it again. I admire you for picking yourself up and starting again...not sure whether that would be possible for me if I slipped now.

Rock on Liath!!!

[OverIt2007]

A second chance

Hi Rebirth!! I almost didnt recognize you because your pretty face is not your avatar anymore!

Thank you for the encouragement. Today was my sons very first day of school, so I am thinking today is a perfect day to start again. I went back to my drinking ways, and gee wonder why the sadness and depression came back into my life? Um Duh!!!

I was really really happy sober, everyday felt like a real gift from God. When your drinking your days feel nothing like a gift! They feel like Hell. We have to remind each other of this!!

Cmon Liath, you can do it

[rebirth]

A second chance

Hi Over!
You see? I need to read your posts because it stops me from glamourizing my drinking. I sometimes think I have my drinking under control but I know that its my addiction speaking to me.
I think sobriety is also a spiritual journey. I have to completely change my way of thinking since giving up the drink...and thats the hard part. And yes sobriety is truely a gift from God. I am grateful for every single day that I am sober. x

[rebirth]

A second chance

Okay Over I will put my face back on. Lol. Sounds funny that

[OverIt2007]

A second chance

Yes, you should leave your face up, because it is a beautiful face.


My problem is that I began thinking "Oh my problem isnt THAT bad". Well thats the kind of thinking where you think "Oh I bet I can have two glasses of wine, whats the big deal anyways?" Or I just want to be like everybody else! A social drinker. I bet I can.


None of us whats to have this problem, we ALL want to be normal. It may not be fair, but we will really never be normal with drinking. We have to fight to stay sober and constantly remind ourselves that for people like us, we will find our happiness by staying away from booze. I hope the battle gets easier though!!

[K9Lover]

A second chance

rebirth;942545 wrote: Hi Over!
You see? I need to read your posts because it stops me from glamourizing my drinking. I sometimes think I have my drinking under control but I know that its my addiction speaking to me.
I think sobriety is also a spiritual journey. I have to completely change my way of thinking since giving up the drink...and thats the hard part. And yes sobriety is truely a gift from God. I am grateful for every single day that I am sober. x

Hi Rebirth:
Here's something I wrote in another thread about the "glamour" of drinking (cringe):

Near the end of my drinking, I drove to the liquor store after 8 beers (not proud of that), in my pajamas, walked in, slipped and fell, got up and grabbed another 12 pack. What a mess! I think of that everytime I try to "glamourize" drinking. A middle-aged drunk woman in pajamas stumbling around in the liquor store. Jeez! What fun, huh?

[prancy]

A second chance

K9, well that story cuts right to the chase, doesn't it.
Truly NO glamour in those last months of drinking. It is good to keep those moments in your memory for the moment when that thought comes rushing through -- just one glass. What can be the harm?

[Audrey14]

A second chance

I like this "glamourized drinking"..Yes, 4 - 5 years ago i was able to have a nice dinner with my fiance with expensive wine in glamour restaurant...Normally it was one bottle of wine per 2 of us (and not everyday!!!!), drinking and eating slowly..He was italian and without any addiction to AL...But he knew about my problem which wasn't still a big issue but it was..he always took control and i didn't argue with him..but when he went for a business trip the first night i always had bottle of wine alone after which next day i was totally sick because of low tolerance to al..not like now...
So, next day after my "wine evening" wasn't glamourus at all..
Yes, i have very good smell, taste and it's sad but i have to finish completely "my wine exploring career":upset:
Today i understood that my money is finished for now and i have 2 opportunities - to eat or to drink..So, i go for the first..

[prancy]

A second chance

I am sure your body will thank you for choosing food!

[Liath]

A second chance

Blame/shame

Thank you ladies (and gentlemen?) for all of your support. I am happy to tell you that I am not going to drink today! I don't even want to drink today! I am becoming very excited about my chance at a new life. I am alone in my apartment in a strange city, and sometimes I just burst into tears thinking of the wasted hours, weeks, months-years I have spent drinking/hungover. Granted, I hit a low this summer, but when I think of myself lying in my basement in the dark drinking Johnny Walker Red instead of going to work (for a week or more!?).. I shudder. I never slipped into the booze thing (alone at home) before, and I frightened myself. You know what, I still could not stop.

Now PA is kind of a quaker state, and its not so easy to get AL around here. It's only sold in liquor/wine stores and beer distributors (by the case only). Considering I am free to find friends who don't consider the bar their major source of entertainment and I am about to enter into a hugely time consuming and challenging PhD program, this place is like a gift from god for me.

But Kim, you are right, I know the truth in my heart.. there is no point in blaming myself.. I am addicted, plain and simple. Just like my dad, my grandfather..etc. No one would choose the hell we have been through if they were not dependant in some way. I just need to move forward and try to forgive myself. However, can turn these horrific experiences around to make us stronger people... lets hope, more on this.

[Liath]

A second chance

Spiritual journey

First of all Overit2007, we are back together again! Lets make it stick this time. So glad you are trying again, and I am here for you.

K9Lover, god, we all have our shameful stories.. and yes, they sure do take the glamour out of drinking. If only I could remember that after I've already had a few, and give in to the urge to order another..

Rebirth- I really like your idea about recovery from AL being a spiritual journey. I feel that many of us have demons that have been haunting us. Do they bother us when we are drunk? Perhaps they do but we don't notice or, at other times, we scream and cry, make inappropriate accusations and phone calls. Yep, the demons are still there alright.

So I am reading a series of books on spiritual awakening. Most of them were given to me by a friend when I made a recent visit to LA. (While my friend was at the pool I remember making an excuse to go upstairs, pouring a vodka and water and downing it as fast as I could before she noticed I was taking too long--good times)

Going sober, we all have to confront our worst fears, deal with problems in our relationships and bodies. Speaking of which, I am seriously underweight, and I am getting straight to work on strengthening my body with food and yoga. Audrey/Prancy, I thought of this when I read your exchange. There is a book called Food, women, and god. It's supposed to be amazing and next on my list.

I think we should definitely start a reading list. I welcome suggestions about AL specifically, but anything you found to be inspiring I'd like to look into! Oh boy, I am rambling on, but I already love you all and don't feel so alone in my journey (even though, physically, I am quite alone). Take Care! :thanks:

[Kimberley]

A second chance

I am really glad to hear you sounding so positive about your new life - just gotta take this gift and embrace it :l

A major reason why we relapse or continue drinking for a week when we lapse (I hear you on that) is that we can't cope with the shame and guilt we feel. But do you think other people with illnesses feel shame about their condition?? No!

Sadly it's mainly the stigma put on alcoholism by society that causes this self-blame, but also seems to be part of the 'alky make-up' if you will. Most of us tend to be sensitive and vulnerable - though you wouldn't know it when we drink!

As my dad has been kind enough to say to me recently, despite the absolute hell I have put him through, when I asked him to forgive me, he said: "There is nothing to forgive". Same goes for you Liath, although I know it's not easy to accept - I am still working on believing it myself.

You didn't choose this, but you can strive to overcome it. And you will.

Night night from London Town. Hope you have a great Day 2 (depending on time zone )
K x

[rebirth]

A second chance

Hi K9 - Oh! That reminded me of my cringe moments too. I also see myself stumbling around, my partner trying to prop me up as we walk home and all I want to do is find another bar or pee somewhere. And how embarassing to be so hungover the next day that I lie comotosed on my sofa and waste the day away.Oh God...I could go on and on. I just could not stop drinking unless I passed out.

Audry I too remember able to drink socially once. They say that its a progressive disease and thats really true for mey drinking career. I am trying to pinpoint the time when my drinking spiralled out of control. I think it was around my mid twenties when I began to drink on a daily basis.But I didnt have any issues with it as my friends drank as much as me. They made an ass of themselves too so I basically fit in.It was not until my thirties that I felt that AL was controlling me. When I finally decided to cut down, that was the moment when I knew I was in trouble. I was blacking out when I had planned not to drink at all ( usually at some important event when I wanted to make a good impression. Impression I certainly made! And it wasnt a good one! shudder).

Prancy I totally agree with you that we should remember that we spiral out of control when we drink. Think I need to write myself a list of what I was like..when I get those moments of thinking that it wasnt so bad ( yeah right!).

Liath I am also reading books on spiritual growth. K9 mentioned that there is a thread on this subject. Might be worth a look. Your book sounds interesting. Let me know what you think when you have finished? I am currently reading One breath at a time recommended by Chill. Its interesting so far.

Hi kim. shall say good night too as its late in the UK

[Liath]

A second chance

Kim, you are so right about the 'sensitive' trait in many of us. I was a very shy and sensitive kid. I found AL, and boy, did my personality really take off (or so I thought). Ever since, I have prefered to be drinking in social situations. Maybe a drink or two loosens up a normal person, but 5-10 sure makes for a hot mess!

We will learn about ourselves, and overcome this, because we have to. We all know the price if we fail.

P.S. Kim, I am an hour closer to your time zone now, but even so, I'll just be getting home when you are on your way to bed, looks like its almost midnight there! Good night then!