I'm not sure where I am.
Well,
Here I am still AF and it's week 5, I believe. Today and tomorrow are the last two days of the September challenge and I'm looking forward to the victory. There was a lot of success in the thread and it felt good to be sharing a daily journey with people who were at a similar stage in their quest to gain control over their relationship to AL. There were people who had more then a year of sobriety, months, days, and people who where doing their best to try and stop. Everyone brought such incite to the thread. We dealt with everything from cancer, earthquakes, relationships, weddings, drinking friends, pushers, moods, emotions, boredom, cravings, health, hair styles, shoes, and last but not least slips and relapse. This aspect of recovery I found to be the most painful and confusing. All I can say about it is that this addiction is very wicked and while I feel like I can challenge myself to abstain I am humbled every time I log in to MWO. The support of the forum is truly beyond words.
Ok- so my new plan for October is the same as what I've been doing with a few adjustments.
Number 1:
When offered AL, I will say, "I don't drink anymore." I'm beyond tired with thinking up things to say... so I'm going to try this one out for October.
Number 2:
I have realized (so funny I keep saying I've realized... it's like everyday that I keep realizing this... it is super tricky.) that I CAN'T ENTERTAIN THOUGHTS OF MODERATION. so at this time I need to only stay in the AB'S side of the website, or on my original thread. Right now I'm feeling proud of myself for how far I've come in my journey. I am overconfident and I know it. I fear or rather believe I need to button down the hatch and become vigilant and strict. So at this time, I am concerned that I am on the site too much and beginning to think I don't have a problem. I do have a problem, a very big one, especially if I don't stay sober. My next challenge is to check in with MWO once a week. Geese! Even typing this freaks me out. My boyfriend will be taking the wifi stick with him to work so I won't be able to access the internet during the day. If I am in a danger zone I can walk up to the library and pop on line, but hopefully by the time the walk is over I'll just get a book or read a magazine. Or I will call my mom, sister or boyfriend to help me get through a rough patch. I feel confident that I will be okay. Right now I am applying to graduate school and 100% of my focus needs to go to that. Which means I must stay sober no madder what! While I don't think I have been wasting any time on the internet these past 40 days- as I haven't had a sip of AL since finding the site. There are times when I have been logged into MWO for up to 6 hours. Or have obsessively checked it because I was bored and didn't want to do chores. I am guilty of doing this in the past with Facebook as well... so it's nothing towards the MWO sight.. It's just me being me obsessive, addicted and procrastinating. I've deactivated my facebook account and it's been very nice not to check in with the updates at all times of the day..
First and for most I was on MWO site because I wanted to stay sober and I was learning so much and growing new wrinkles in my brain. It felt so good to learn about what has been concerning me for years. I like to see this as my own 40 day re-hab and have no regrets of time spent here.
It's just that now, I want to put the lessons I've learned here into practical use, and I want to make my focus of October to really enjoy being sober and feel good about the accomplishment.
Oh, and I'll be looking into neart's suggestion of the book mentioned above. I've found reading books about addictions at this time also very helpful.
So, that's where I'm at for week 5.
Well,
Here I am still AF and it's week 5, I believe. Today and tomorrow are the last two days of the September challenge and I'm looking forward to the victory. There was a lot of success in the thread and it felt good to be sharing a daily journey with people who were at a similar stage in their quest to gain control over their relationship to AL. There were people who had more then a year of sobriety, months, days, and people who where doing their best to try and stop. Everyone brought such incite to the thread. We dealt with everything from cancer, earthquakes, relationships, weddings, drinking friends, pushers, moods, emotions, boredom, cravings, health, hair styles, shoes, and last but not least slips and relapse. This aspect of recovery I found to be the most painful and confusing. All I can say about it is that this addiction is very wicked and while I feel like I can challenge myself to abstain I am humbled every time I log in to MWO. The support of the forum is truly beyond words.
Ok- so my new plan for October is the same as what I've been doing with a few adjustments.
Number 1:
When offered AL, I will say, "I don't drink anymore." I'm beyond tired with thinking up things to say... so I'm going to try this one out for October.
Number 2:
I have realized (so funny I keep saying I've realized... it's like everyday that I keep realizing this... it is super tricky.) that I CAN'T ENTERTAIN THOUGHTS OF MODERATION. so at this time I need to only stay in the AB'S side of the website, or on my original thread. Right now I'm feeling proud of myself for how far I've come in my journey. I am overconfident and I know it. I fear or rather believe I need to button down the hatch and become vigilant and strict. So at this time, I am concerned that I am on the site too much and beginning to think I don't have a problem. I do have a problem, a very big one, especially if I don't stay sober. My next challenge is to check in with MWO once a week. Geese! Even typing this freaks me out. My boyfriend will be taking the wifi stick with him to work so I won't be able to access the internet during the day. If I am in a danger zone I can walk up to the library and pop on line, but hopefully by the time the walk is over I'll just get a book or read a magazine. Or I will call my mom, sister or boyfriend to help me get through a rough patch. I feel confident that I will be okay. Right now I am applying to graduate school and 100% of my focus needs to go to that. Which means I must stay sober no madder what! While I don't think I have been wasting any time on the internet these past 40 days- as I haven't had a sip of AL since finding the site. There are times when I have been logged into MWO for up to 6 hours. Or have obsessively checked it because I was bored and didn't want to do chores. I am guilty of doing this in the past with Facebook as well... so it's nothing towards the MWO sight.. It's just me being me obsessive, addicted and procrastinating. I've deactivated my facebook account and it's been very nice not to check in with the updates at all times of the day..
First and for most I was on MWO site because I wanted to stay sober and I was learning so much and growing new wrinkles in my brain. It felt so good to learn about what has been concerning me for years. I like to see this as my own 40 day re-hab and have no regrets of time spent here.
It's just that now, I want to put the lessons I've learned here into practical use, and I want to make my focus of October to really enjoy being sober and feel good about the accomplishment.
Oh, and I'll be looking into neart's suggestion of the book mentioned above. I've found reading books about addictions at this time also very helpful.
So, that's where I'm at for week 5.
We use to fight so bad when we drank, things have gotten so much better. Did he just really screw up?? I'm so 
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