I'm not sure where I am.

[choice]

I found this sight today looking for a safe place where I can learn more about my drinking and how it's affecting my life. I get grips on it.. but I'm usually disappointed in how this is playing out. Mostly I am amazed at how out of control I feel. I black out, have become violent and feel sloppy. What I thought use to be "fun" isn't anymore. I like how I think and feel after a couple of drinks but once I've started I loose all power to stop when I should. I'm concerned. I think I need help in figuring this out... a lot of people are able to drink as much as me, a lot can't I'm just not sure where I fit in... every time I research this I find out that "I'm fine.. normal" but I don't think blacking out is good... and when I hear about how I was.. what I said... it never seams "too bad" but I can feel this problem getting worse as I think I have offended people.. or slurred my words... I just feel embarrassed and I'm so sick of telling my self or trying to get an "it's okay your okay.. " from people around me. My sister told me that she has scene wine not be my friend.. I think she was being nice. I don't like how insecure I feel about my behavior after drinking. I want to change. I always thought as myself as a strong person... but I think that I need support and don't want to burden my family or friends. I'm also trying to make new friends I'm living in a new country and wanting a fresh start. I just need to feel comfortable around people asking themselves the same questions about drinking too much and not feel so ashamed. Thanks for listening.:new:

[Marshy]

I'm not sure where I am.

Hello choice,

Welcome! You found a good site, with lots of info available whether you want to cut down or stop drinking completely. I had to stop completely because I never had a hope in hell of controlling my drinking, and I'm so much happier without it dragging me down.

You know, ultimately it doesn't matter if other people think your drinking isn't too bad (yet) or if other people drink more than you. If you're not happy with your drinking, that's what matters. And if you're blacking out and being violent... no, obviously that's not good for you or the people around you.

Have a think about what your goals are, and have a read around the site. You're bound to find stories that you can relate to.

[greeneyes]

I'm not sure where I am.

Welcome choice!

In a new country with an opportunity to make new friends for a fresh start? Perfect timing!!! Choice, like marshy, I stopped completely. I had to and I am so glad to not spend any time, energy, and effort in monitoring it. It frees me up to do more important things in my life. Making that choice, choice (sorry couldn't resist :H), made all the difference in the world. Whatever you decide to do, you'll be glad to leave behind the constant worry of your behavior and although you didn't mention it, your health. You'll find help with a plan to change and support in working it. Have a look around the site and let us know how we can help.

[symbols]

I'm not sure where I am.

welcome choice

i think anyone finding themselves here do so for a reason, and no one is more noob than me. Learn as I do and take ur time. I think I may go the abstan. route and hpoefully one day wonder what the hell was i thinking? Listen to your sister and thank her. I was still married, big house when I first started blacking out, confessed it to my family of drinkers to be told.....no prob, ur fine, one time deal.....I wish theyd been more honest to me and to themselves.

Good luck and god bless:welcome:

[rie]

I'm not sure where I am.

welcome, choice! black outs are scary things, the not knowing what you did or said. i used to just go to sleep when i'd had too much to drink. then the mind took over and did what it did...without me knowing any of it. scary, scary stuff.

i wasn't able to mod my drinking, no matter how hard i tried. and, yes, those around me said that i didn't have a problem...those who are still drinking. my kids, on the other hand, were in my face telling me that i was mean and said hurtful things.

good luck to you on your journey. :welcome:

[gyco]

I'm not sure where I am.

thinking

choice;943317 wrote: I found this sight today looking for a safe place where I can learn more about my drinking and how it's affecting my life. I get grips on it.. but I'm usually disappointed in how this is playing out. Mostly I am amazed at how out of control I feel. I black out, have become violent and feel sloppy. What I thought use to be "fun" isn't anymore. I like how I think and feel after a couple of drinks but once I've started I loose all power to stop when I should. I'm concerned. I think I need help in figuring this out... a lot of people are able to drink as much as me, a lot can't I'm just not sure where I fit in... every time I research this I find out that "I'm fine.. normal" but I don't think blacking out is good... and when I hear about how I was.. what I said... it never seams "too bad" but I can feel this problem getting worse as I think I have offended people.. or slurred my words... I just feel embarrassed and I'm so sick of telling my self or trying to get an "it's okay your okay.. " from people around me. My sister told me that she has scene wine not be my friend.. I think she was being nice. I don't like how insecure I feel about my behavior after drinking. I want to change. I always thought as myself as a strong person... but I think that I need support and don't want to burden my family or friends. I'm also trying to make new friends I'm living in a new country and wanting a fresh start. I just need to feel comfortable around people asking themselves the same questions about drinking too much and not feel so ashamed. Thanks for listening.:new:

hi choice and welcom M.W.O.i to stumbled on this place a few years ago,its an alternative to other ways of handling addiction,you realise it can get worse,:goodjob: as far as talking to drinkers ,friends,not all have the addictive nature as we do,we are a different breed of beings,this is all about you coming to a conclusion of avoiding disaster,read the articles and posts from others who have in there words been to hell and back,im one of them,40 years of drink off and on,and the last 12 years ,often a hell in its self,ive never had a problem like many, to stop,its been staying stopped and wanting to,ive been thro,hospitals twice,detox once and last but not least treatment for 31 days,i have not totally stopped,but since comin here i have options,but it onlyy up to me to get control totally stopped or in moderation,there is a lot to lern,keep comin here and you will get a new life and outcome good luck gyco

[Chillgirl]

I'm not sure where I am.

:welcome: Choice! Im glad you found us.
Whether you eventually decide to mod or quit altogether it is always suggested that you start by getting 30 days Alcohol free and take it from there. The best way to achieve this is just ODAT (one day at a time) there are some fantastic tips and advice here https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html which will help you get started.

I used to compare myself to people around me and tell myself I couldnt have a problem as they all drank as much as me. We have to only look at ourselves, no one else knows how YOU feel inside and the fact you said it was no longer fun is a true indicator of what you are thinking. I tried to mod and couldnt, its easier for me to close that door as keeping it slightly open was like trying to keep a hungry dog at bay. I too had many blackouts and know the self loathing we put ourselves through after these is unbearable.

I hope you keep checking in, there is always support here whenever you need it....

[Pride before Fall]

I'm not sure where I am.

Wine was not my friend, either. Or rather, file under "with friends like that, who needs enemies?"

Below is a link to a physician screening tool for alcohol problems. Answer the questions with complete honesty, and you'll have a pretty reliable idea of whether your drinking is harming you, apart from what people around you say is okay (and it sounds like some of them have concerns).

At least you'll know where you are. Congratulations on having the courage to look honestly at your relationship with alcohol.

Pride

By the way, the cutoff point for heavy use isa score of >4. I got a 20.
AUDIT Alcohol Screening Test - Alcohol & Substance Abuse, Addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Cult & Depression

[spuddleduck]

I'm not sure where I am.

hi choice and welcome. BLACKING OUT IS NOT GOOD! if you are blacking out you dont need to question where you are or how you compare with others.. its a sure sign that things aren't ok. i hope you find the advice and support you need here. i went from blacking out occasionally to everytime i drank. its awful not knowing how you have behaved, even if you find you have behaved well its really time to do something about it.

[Pride before Fall]

I'm not sure where I am.

Pride

[K9Lover]

I'm not sure where I am.

Hi Choice and Welcome!
I, too, was a regular blacker-outer (is that a word?) I got to the point where every morning I couldn't remember what I'd done the night before, who I talked to, who I texted, who I emailed...etc. What a horrible feeling! I also found out that I was turning into quite a mean and obnoxious drunk. Like others here, moderating my drinking is simply NOT an option for me. It's all or nothing, so I had to choose nothing (although in this case, choosing nothing leads to everything!). I am so glad you found us...stick close to this site, you will find so much advice and encouragement. You are no longer alone in your journey!
Keep us posted on how you are doing.
K9

[choice]

I'm not sure where I am.

Thank you so much for all of your responses. I didn't have the easiest time sleeping last night. I got scared to ever drink again and I got scared to stop it all together. I'm in such a safe place right now that it feels strange. I'm not sure how to bond with people without drinking with them. I started drinking in high school because I was so painfully shy and it helped me "open up"... i wanted to be popular. Now at 37 I want who I rejected (myself) to come back. I liked her. I'm crying as I type because I think I probably can't deal with moderation. I read a book about it a few months ago and it gave me hope that I could be "normal" but I just can't keep count after 3 drinks... I don't want to. It's too hard and stressful. I prefer now to drink alone a bottle of wine. I'm finding it's not enough and I crave more. I thought it was okay because I was alone.. but I reach out on the phone, or tex while drunk or facebook people and wake up and try to piece together my trail. I'm always so caring and loving in my messages.. but I feel sick to my stomach because I don't remember reaching out in that way. When I went home for the first time it felt like I was just either drinking beyond what I can normally handle... and in so much pain the next day with a hangover. I have pictures from my trip and I'm smiling and so "happy" I'm so scared because I don't remember most of the conversations I was having with my friends. I don't want to live like this. Thank everyone so much for these responses. I think what will be hard is not drinking with the people who like drinking with me... and not drinking alone... this is just going to be hard. I know this because I've been slowly taking observation and note of it for a year and 4 months. I'm going to try the 30 AF. It can only help. That I feel positive about and it seams easier then trying to watch what I do. Thanks again!

[Pink Angel]

I'm not sure where I am.

Hi Choice and welcome to NZ! You are doing well and i know all to well the struggles and feelings you are going through. A lot of what you have wrote could have been me writing it! Feel free to PM me so we can chat more. Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time and try not to worry about tomorrow today. Luv Pink xx

[Guitarista]

I'm not sure where I am.

Welcome Choice,

Hang in there. You will do it. Check out the 'Toolbox' thread here, in 'monthly abstinence' section, and the 'Newbie's nest' thread. Also, the 'Underoo's and friend's' thread is an Aussie/NZ thread closer to your time zone, if that is useful.

Best wishes, and go for it. Greg.

[paguy]

I'm not sure where I am.

Hi Choice:

I was a regular black-outer myself... at least 3 or 4 nights a week. Every morning was a puzzle, piecing together what happened the night before. Boy, I do NOT miss that behavior whatsoever. Like K9, drinking made me mean and nasty - a complete Jekyl and Hyde personality. I really am a nice person - alcohol transformed me into something completely different.

You are amongst friends, here, Choice. My best wishes to you!