I need some help!

[Dewdrop]

Hi all,

This is my first time on the site although I found it in January, so I've spent the last 8 months trying to moderate and/or stop drinking with no success apart from 9 days AF last month. I've had numerous 3 days, 5 days and so many Day 1's I've lost count and am just sick to death of myself. Yesterday I had an admin day working from home, went out to buy some catfood at 11am and you guessed it picked up a box of wine and have nearly polished it off. I woke this morning in bed fully clothed and my head was pounding so much I couldn't get it off the pillow, and I didn't make it into work.

I am exhausted with it all, with myself and what I've become, I'm crying as I type this and furious at myself for being so pitiful and useless. I just feel like crap. I know I need to turn this around but feel Im in such a big hole I don't know if I have the energy to dig my way out of it. I do know I can't continue to keep trying alone.

Apologies for being so pathetic but if nothing I am being honest about my drinking for once.

[Rusty]

I need some help!

:welcome: Dewdrop!

We have all been in your shoes. You are not pathetic....especially because you are reaching out for help. Go to the Abstainers Forum and click on it and the Tool Box thread will pop up. It will give you lots of ideas for helping you put a plan together to stop drinking.

Also, download the MWO book. It's very helpful.....as are the supplements and the CDs.
Good luck in your journey!

[mama bear]

I need some help!

OH Dewdrop...I know how you feel.....we have all been there and we are here for you honey....This is a vicious addiction that is hard to break.....read the posts here...we are all in various stages of our journey...you will find lots of support and no judgement....you may want to jump into the Newbies Nest for starters.....

[fennel]

I need some help!

:welcome: Welcome, dewdrop!

I'm going to echo Rusty and mama...we've all been where you are. Maybe you can spend some evenings here- there's always somebody willing to go into chat if you need, and always people to hang out with in the forums. :l

[K9Lover]

I need some help!

Hi Dewdrop,
Welcome! Yes, we all know exactly how you feel...most of us have been there, over and over and over. The good news is that you CAN break the cycle. Take care of yourself today, get plenty of rest and water, and stick close to this site. There is always someone here to offer words of encouragement and advice. Please don't give up...there is no hole so deep that you can't dig yourself out of it, but first you have to make up your mind that you are willing to do whatever it takes. You've taken a great first step by posting here, because you are no longer alone!
Let us know how you are getting along!
K9

[havefaith]

I need some help!

Dewdrop,
I can't tell you how many mornings I have stumbled out of bed to pour the remaining vodka down the sink from the night before- swearing this was the last time(only to be back at the liquor store by 4pm,picking up another bottle) And this went on day after day,week after week, year after year.
And then I came across this book, read about taking the Topamax & thought "At this point I have nothing to Lose"(I am 34 days AF) If I can do it anybody can do it! I promise. The people here are wonderful! Give it aTry!

[JackieClaire]

I need some help!

:welcome: Dewdrop,

Just adding my hellos and welcomes. Have a look in the link below to get some ideas to get you started.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

J x
:l

[techie]

I need some help!

Welcome Dewdrop. I've been there also. Please take the advice given. I look forward to getting to know you better. Keep posting and asking questions!

[not tonight]

I need some help!

Welcome Dewdrop - You can beat this thing. REally glad you found MWO, it is a great resource for getting sober. Keep read, posting and asking for help. Glad you are here.

[Dewdrop]

I need some help!

Hi everyone and thank you all so much for your support,

I have stayed around the site this afternoon and have taken the advice on board, I've printed off lots from the Toolbox and will sort out a plan for myself (something I haven't tried before) and I will try out some of the supplements tomorrow. Don't want to go out tonight incase I buy some wine and there is none in the house as I poured what was left down the sink so I feel I am safer staying close to home.

I am feeling quite low and deflated but better than I did earlier when I first posted, my head still hurts, mouth and tongue feel like a 'badgers bum' and I have awful indigestion and acidy reflux. I found the thread on What I Hate, Loath and Just Can't Stand About Drinking and have found it really helpful today. I have a really important business meeting tomorrow morning and I do need to be clear headed and on the ball for it so I am going to do some prep for it tonight and visualise it going well rather than stressing and hiding in a bottle (or box).

I have drank loads of water today but feel a bit nauseous to eat so far but take on board that I should get into a healthy eating pattern quickly. I'm also a bit concerned about getting a good nights sleep tonight but I guess I haven't really had one of those for ages anyway. It's a nice evening so I might just go out for a walk to keep myself occupied as I'm feeling a bit restless - think it's going to be a long night!!

I guess I just need to take little baby steps and get through the next few hours.....

[rebirth]

I need some help!

Hi dewdrop
So many of us have felt like you. You are not pathetic. Alcohol is very very addictive! The times I swore never again and eight hours later I am buying my wine. My "there is always tomorrow" attitude lasted for many years and my drinking and misery got worse.
baby steps is the right attitude. Thats how I started. Best of luck. x

[Lavande]

I need some help!

Hi Dewdrop,

Welcome to MWO, glad you found us because this is a good place!

If you haven't already, read the MWO book. You can download it from the Health Store. I highly recommend the CDs, they really helped me learn to relax & change my thinking about AL.

Try not to worry beyond today, just take it all as one day at a time. Things do eventually fall into place but it takes time. A good night's sleep may take some time but it will come.

Starting each & every day 'unhung' with a clear head, clear eyes, no anxiety or guilt & the freedom to get to know yourself all over again is worth all the work!

Be sure to include some fresh air & a little exercise in your dail routine - it helps

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

[Dewdrop]

I need some help!

Nearly at the end of Day 2!!

Thank you Rusty, Mama bear, fennel, KLover, havefaith,Jackie Claire, techie, not tonight, rebirth & Lavande :l

I had a pretty restless and sleepless night last night and finaly gave up and got up at 4.30am to read some of the things I'd printed off the site, sorted out a plan and tried to motivate myself. This is going to be harder than I thought, I've realised that each time I have managed to go AF for a day or two I seem to have started back drinking heavier than ever so I can't slip this time. I can't think too far ahead though because that's to worrying so I'm staying in the moment and very much ond day at a time. We have a Bank Holiday here on Monday so I've taken tomorrow off to have a long weekend to devote entirely to getting through this (think work may add to my stress but that's a long story).

I bought some of the supplements today and ordered others off the site, I've also ordered the CD's and managed to buy a meditation cd today to keep me going meantime. I also bought loads of fresh fruit and veggies and plan on eating well over the next few days at least. I never normally eat breakfast (usually to hungover) so that will be a good start to the day, oh and a big bag of lemons for my water and my liver!

I felt okay at work as I was very busy and the day ran away with me but really struggled once I got into my car to go to the supermarket for the food on the way home. It was like a little switch went off in my head teling me to 'just buy 1 bottle' but the strange thing was I kept getting a picture of all your avatars in my head telling me to just let it go. I realy struggled and felt quite sick and jumpy - I flew round the supermarket like someone possessed picking up what I needed and got out of there as fast as possible. But I didn't pick up the bottle!! Once I was nearly home I felt quite calm and pleased with myself so a huge :thanks: to all of you, how can an urge come on so fast and strong and then be gone like that??

I've found a buddhist centre who run a day meditation course on Saturday so have booked on that, I've to take along a vegetarian dish to share for lunch so that will keep me busy cooking on Friday night. I've also drawn up a long list of things to keep me occupied around the house so that I stay away from temptation. And I may offer to do a bit of babysitting on Sunday if the weather's good we could make a picnic and spend it on the beach.

I know it's only the second day but feel that once I go to sleep tonight (if I can sleep?) I'll be waking up to Day 3 AF and that seems like a huge accomplishment given the state I was in on Tuesday. I still feel shaky, my mouth is still dry and it's too early to feel too excited but suddenly I don't feel alone and can be honest with all the great people on here. What an amazing amount of support and compassion. I'm going to keep myself busy doing some work tonight I have a couple of reports that will have to be on my Managers desk first thing tomorrow morning if I want to have the day off but will stay online and catch up with some of the threads in between to keep me going.

PS I'm sipping a lovely cup of fennel tea.

[JackieClaire]

I need some help!

Hi again Dewdrop,
:goodjob: for giving the supermarket the old heave ho.
Don't worry about the sleep for now it should soon get back to normal. Just think about all the nights we've gone to sleep nearly unconscious through booze and haven't really rested properly.
Like the idea about the Buddhist centre, we've got one near here. I might poke me nose in over the weekend.
Brilliant that you've made a list of things for the weekend. Just keep thinking of my Black Bess avatar looking out for you.
J x
:l

[techie]

I need some help!

Wow Dew GREAT going. I know the urges early on can be tough. Going into that market and not giving in is a huge step. I also think your plans for meditation and then babysitting this weekend are perfect. You are doing all the right things and I'm so happy for you. Keep in touch...John.