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    #1

    I'm back only worse

    Hi guys
    I'm back I don't know what I felt I needed to go and try out there one last time but I learnt for me control and drinking dont go in one sentence. So I got my first DUI last night luckily I didn't hurt anyone I don't know where to go what to do it looks so bleak. I'm going to bed almost hoping I dont wake up but wanting to for my child and prayin for the strength because in my heart i want to stay sober more than anything and to be there for her.Any thoughts advice I dont have the cd's Igave all my money to be bonded out and to get my car today.i have topamax I take 100mg it obviously isn't working the kudzu I take on and off it gives me such bad gas and upset stomach even if I take gas x help me!Oh do you listen to the cd's everyday?
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    #2
    I'm back only worse

    Hi Koki....glad you came here. Sorry it had to come to this for you, but you're here and you're safe and like you said no one was hurt. I think a good nights sleep is the best thing right now and start your plan with a clear head in the morning. You know there is lots of support and understanding here waiting in the morning. Sleep well. You will do this! xox

    Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.


    St. Francis of Assisi

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      #3
      I'm back only worse

      Hi KOki, I know exactly how you are feeling. I have two DUI/s in three years and currently serving a 30 month licence suspension. At first it feels like the end of the world, but as you said so yourself, you did not hurt anyone. I have put twelve of the 30 months behind me now and can tell you that it isnt that devastating, but it could have been if I had continued drink driving. and killed or maimed yourself or someone else. The most important thing for you to do now is to get some sleep and to wake up to a brand new day with brand new resolve to tackle your problems. If you cant afford the CD'S in the meantime can you download or borrow some meditation or relaxation C.D.s. How long have you been on the topomax? Do you intend to titrate up to more? Maybe you havent hit the switch yet! It is possible to stop drinking without all the supps, do you have family or friends to support you? if not keep posting here and keep reading, taking strength and asking advice from the many wonderful people on MWO who have been where you are and really want to help.
      I am a part of the family of humanity. Not one person on this earth is a stranger to me. Rev. Ted Noffs

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        #4
        I'm back only worse

        Hi koki. You must be really hurting right now but if it's any comfort to you, there are so many of us that relate to your story. you are not alone. There are also so many fighting this addiction and succeeding to live fulfilling sober lives.
        Please stay tune to this site and listen to any advice given. I go to AA meetings but this site is also invaluable. I need both to stay on track. x
        Be strong-
        We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
        Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'T

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          #5
          I'm back only worse

          Hi Koki,

          As others have said, although it feels like the end of the world, it really isn't. And many of us have been in the same size shoes - doing one last crazy night of drinking and getting in trouble etc. It's part of the all-or-nothing alkie mindset, I think, to want to go out with a bang. Whenever I was coming off al, I could never taper, I'd just get absolutely caned for a week until my body could take no more. Luckily I did this at home, but you're not alone in your experience - just search for 'DUI' on here!

          On the positive side, no-one got hurt and you say you have learnt that you can't control your drinking even if you try, so that's all good. You also have some mighty determination in there that just needs a bit of nurturing - you want to be there for your child and said that what you want more than anything is to stay sober. Well that's the first step - WANTING it.

          Now all you have to do is find the help. While this place is great for advice and support, is there anything else you could do? Beating al is one huge task, no two ways about it, so you do need all the help you can get. Have you tried AA, alcohol groups, counselling, recovery books etc?

          I failed to stay sober because I wanted to do it mostly all on my own. I was really proud of that at the time but ultimately it was a bad move as despite classing myself as an intelligent and resilient person, my al problem was (and is) bigger than me. Sad but true. So I asked for more help - and I think this will be the key to staying dry.

          I hope you feel a bit better in the morning light and can reflect on what you need to do to get better rather than worrying about what has passed.
          K x
          Recovery Coaching website

          "Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard wl:

          Recovery Videos

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            #6
            I'm back only worse

            Hi Koki,

            So sorry to hear of your DUI. I have had a few myself, but a long time ago, Thank God.

            Please use this experience to be the turning point to really get you sober! This is a wake up call for sure, so please take the actions now.

            We are here for you, ALWAYS!!!!
            I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

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              #7
              I'm back only worse

              hi koki learn from your mistakes,post & read here daily, your not alone.


              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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                #8
                I'm back only worse

                HI Koki, Welcome. Hope better things to come your way.

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                  #9
                  I'm back only worse

                  Hi Koki,

                  I am fairly new and I am sure we can all relate to how you are feeling right now. Take care of yourself and keep coming back. This site has been a huge help to me this week. Day 6 here and beating myself up for my last drunk.....and I mean last.

                  Take care and rest.
                  PS

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I'm back only worse

                    Hi Koki,
                    Sorry things are not going too well right now. I myself have 2 DUI's, I'm still ashamed even though it's been almost 10 years. Like you said, at least you didn't hurt anyone or yourself. Maybe this will be the wake-up call that you need to change things around. Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and know that you are not alone in this.
                    K9
                    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I'm back only worse

                      Hi Koki so sorry to hear about your situation. While it is so tough to imagine now, a DUI has been the clarion call for many of us. I hope this is the case for you. I wish you renewed determination and resolve. Remember, we are here for you with open arms!
                      Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

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                        #12
                        I'm back only worse

                        AA is free! It costs nothing just a sincere desire to stop drinking.

                        Many Blessings
                        Phil
                        "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
                        Clean and sober 25th January 2009

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                          #13
                          I'm back only worse

                          Hi Koki, I know what you mean when sometimes you just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I myself have been in that place more times then I want to admit actually. I think it's really nice that you want to do it for your daughter. Very selfless. I had a DUI last year, my god it was awful. I had my last drink on the 30th. I am really craving vodka right now. I am at my parents house for the weekend and I am really not where i want to be in my life and I just want to drink to forget. You should try hypnotherapy. I was a bit skeptical but I tried it and the CDs really help.

                          Angel
                          Courage is not the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of it.

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