I am so tired.

[Time to change]

I feel so down today, I drank two bottles of wine last night. I'm so sick of going around in circles, fighting with myself constantly. Just when I think I'm doing better it hits me like this. Why have I got zero will power? I don't ever want to drink again but I keep doing it!! All I want to do is sleep now, I feel numb all the time. I don't want this to sound self pitying which it probably does, I just need to tell people how I'm feeling. I want to change, I really do but I keep messing it up. I feel like I have no life right now. xx

[OverIt2007]

I am so tired.

Awwwww.... Time. I know how you feel, trust me. So do so many of us. I know that does not help, but just know you are not alone in fighting this f--king battle with booze. Wine is my downfall too, or vodka.

Its not about willpower, I think we have learned that. Its about our body chemistry and our messed up thinking I guess. Your not a weak person, your a good person. Dont ever think that your not a good person.

Has there been any progress at all with finding someone to prescribe you Antabuse? I only ask about that because I know you were interested in the Antabuse. (not pushing it on her).

Try to just get some rest, dont think about it TOO much (you will drive yourself crazy). Just think about tomorrow and that it will be a new day to begin again.

Im sending you out a BIG VIRTUAL HUG!!!!!

Overit

[neart]

I am so tired.

Hi Time, try not to beat yourself up. I know that's easier said than done the next day, but really - you have already taken so many positive steps. Two steps forward and one step back, eh? I'm not the best person to advise you, as I'm not long at this. Do you have any support where you are? So that, if you get the notion to drink, you can ring somebody or meet somebody, kinda like a sponsor - someone who can give some immediate support?

One thing I wish I had done when I was drinking was to write down in detail how I felt during a hangover, explain all about the guilt and the thoughts etc - so that, if/when I was tempted by AL in future, I would have a personal testiment as to why I shouldn't. Just a thought.

Mind yourself and big hugs from Ireland :l:l:l

[Time to change]

I am so tired.

Hi Over it and Neart, thanks for the support. Overit, I still haven't been able to get a prescription for Antabuse. I think thats really getting me down, I feel like the Doctors aren't really listening to me. They seem to think I don't need it but I do. I want it to get some full abstainance time under my belt then I can get a handle on it. If I was on it now I wouldn't have drank the wine yesterday. FACT. Part of me thinks I drank last night with a warped sense of proving myself right!!...How F**ked up is that?!! xx

[mollyka]

I am so tired.

Time, like the others say you probably feel out of control - have you any support system - family, doc, friends that you can talk to. When I had finally had enough I went to a doc who I hardly knew at the time and virtually hurled all the hassle I was in at him. Held back nothing, behaviour, amount I drank etc. It was the biggest relief I have ever felt in this battle, just felt someone could sort of 'mind me'. Sounds pathetic, but truth be told I was pathetic at that point in my life. Get some help, whatever you can
Molly

[mama bear]

I am so tired.

I feel for you Time, but as a dear freind told me today, after a recent stumble...we have to make up our minds to do this before it's too late.......tough love, but meant sincerely......I promise

[Time to change]

I am so tired.

Hi Molly, Yeah all my close friends and family are fully in the loop about my addiction and they are very supportive, The doctor knows everything too, I wrote down everything I wanted to say and said it all. I do feel totally out of control but I also feel like no ones listening to me, I don't mean on here of course I mean my doctor mainly. I've been to a doctors and confessed all once before, 2 years ago but felt i wasn't taken seriously then hence me carrying on as I was for another 2 years. That Doctor laughed when I mentioned Antabuse. She sent me to a counselling session where I had to write down what i was drinking and was then told I was drinking too much, that it was affecting my health and that I needed to cut down!....How on earth was any of that supposed to help. I keep trying to get help and feel like I'm banging my head against a wall most of the time xx

[BellaC]

I am so tired.

Time...In my opinion you seriously need to find a new doctor. When I mentioned to my doctor "I've been drinking a lot," I could practically see the red flags go up. He took it very seriously from the beginning. There are a lot of really great doctors out there. Find one that can help you.

[OverIt2007]

I am so tired.

Time,

I 100 percent agree with Bella! In fact, this reminds me that it was not until my 3rd or 4th doctor (different doctors!) that I found the compassionate doctor and nurse team who were amazing and understanding!

I am reminded of the doctor who prescribed me BEE POLLEN for alcoholism!!! Oh yeah, that helped lady.

I dont know how things work in your country, can you find another doctor????

We are all wishing you the best, you know that! Dont worry Time. You are determined with this and that is what it takes to succeed EVENTUALLY.

Big Huggs :l :l :l

[Time to change]

I am so tired.

I've looked up a specialist Alcohol unit near to me and I'm going to pop along there First thing Monday morning for an assessment. I can't keep going like this or I'm just going to keep going round in circles for the rest of my life. Thanks for all the advice guys, love ya xx

[mollyka]

I am so tired.

Time, I fully agree with Overit and Bella. We are somewhat childlike in our addiction - we need to be believed and taken very very seriously. Even tho in total I've prob only met my doc maybe a dozen times, he remembers all details of my case - medical, family etc each time in detail - prob checks the computer before I go in to him I know, but there is no carelessness in his care of me. I will repeat Time, it would make a very big difference imho!
Molly

[Time to change]

I am so tired.

Thanks Molly, To be fair to my Doc he was supportive and he did say that he would have no problem repeating my prescription once a specialist makes the initial one but its like I have to jump through all the these hoops first going to see different people, which is the last thing anyone wants to do when you're feeling so helpless. I will go along to the AL unit on Monday and see what they say, I think I'd benefit from counselling too. I'll take anything they offer me. I'll keep you updated on any developments. Thanks again xx

[K9Lover]

I am so tired.

Hi Time!
First of all, sorry you are feeling bad. Rest up today and take care of yourself.

Second, I cannot agree with Overit and Bella enough....you need a NEW doctor! Please don't give up until you find one that is willing to help you. There IS one out there that will do everything in their power to help, but it's up to you to find him or her. Please keep trying!

Keep us posted...and good luck!

:l:l
K9

[Design For Life]

I am so tired.

Time to change;951458 wrote: Thanks Molly, To be fair to my Doc he was supportive and he did say that he would have no problem repeating my prescription once a specialist makes the initial one but its like I have to jump through all the these hoops first going to see different people, which is the last thing anyone wants to do when you're feeling so helpless. I will go along to the AL unit on Monday and see what they say, I think I'd benefit from counselling too. I'll take anything they offer me. I'll keep you updated on any developments. Thanks again xx

I was going to say about trying a specialist alcohol centre, when I finally told my doctor 6 weeks ago about the depression and drinking he recomended me to go there as well as him especially if I wanted to go down the medication route as they are far more qualified in that area.. not actually been there yet as it's the other side of the city plus I worry about what happens when the wheels get set in motion regarding my children

I hope things go well for you on Monday honey and don't sit there worrying about what you did last night, we've all been in that situation, yesterday I could quite easily have done the same thing as you:l You know you need help and you're finding it and that's the hardest step:l

[choice]

I am so tired.

Hi Time,

I have to say that I think you are being really strong in the fact that you are not giving up and continue to try and get the help you deserve!! Your not taking no for an answer. I wish I had done that myself. :thanks: for the help the other day on my panic attack thread. When a doctor told me my drinking was normal I took it as a green light and kept drinking. When my friends told me I was okay I just took all of these as green lights. You know what you need and are fighting for it. :goodjob:

I understand those hoops trying to get help from doctors and just getting the run a round. I've been jumping through them, and running around for a couple of years now myself. It can become very discouraging. I know what you mean about drinking to prove a point to yourself too.

Hang in there today and try to hold your chin up... you are making progress!! If you didn't have AL in your system you could see that today. So, just try and be kind to yourself today and know that you are doing your best.