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    #1

    Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

    Hi All,

    A bit of a mind struggle today as I am reaching the two week mark. As we get invited to various social events, my mind goes straight to drinking thinking....I am even dreaming about it.

    WOW, is this a craving??? I went out for dinner with friends last night and had a great time drinking my soda water, why oh why is my mind doing this to me. Maybe I am a little fearful for the upcoming weekend....

    Feeling not very strong today and really think I will slip up, not this weekend (I am going to be the driver) but down the road....I guess it's One Day at a Time for sure at this point.

    Peace
    Tags: None
    #2
    Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

    Peace,
    Firstly :goodjob: on your 12 days and it's great that you've put together a plan for the weekend.
    Honestly, sweetheart, there are times when even us 'Oldbies' have to keep it ODAT. Try not to think what might happen. Have a look at the invite, see how you feel about going, then make a little plan. The arrive late - leave early is the best one I know.
    J x
    :l
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

    Comment

      #3
      Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

      Hang in there Peace!!

      This is the 'beast's' way of trying to take you off the road of sobriety! Very good of you to write it out here and acknowledge you aren't feeling strong today.

      The thing is you are strong! Keep reminding yourself of this. There are days, like today, where you will find yourself questioning whether or not you can handle alcohol. (in a different form).

      I never had a problem with beer either. I have 'tried' to just drink beer. It quickly led me back to drinking; even heavier than before.

      Don't let those thoughts fool you! Dig down deep and keep telling yourself you deserve a happy, healthy life, free of alcohol! xo

      Comment

        #4
        Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

        Have to say Peace I agree with AFM. I truly believe when we 'cross the rubicon' so to speak, it is nigh on impossible to go back. You might stick with the beer the first couple of times but d'ya not think when it doesn't quite hit the spot the other drinks will drift back in? Look, I'm only talking about me - maybe you can do it? Try giving yourself the 30 days and rethink then - maybe you're just having a 'blah' day?
        Molly
        Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
        contentedly NF since 8/04/14

        Comment

          #5
          Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

          Good feedback already, peace. Please know that this junkie thinking is NORMAL. I relapsed over this thinking back when because I didn't realize it was just my inner addict talking and that this mind chatter (excuses to drink) truly does happen to all of us. It's lies - don't believe it.

          You CAN do this.

          DG
          Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
          Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

          One day at a time.

          Comment

            #6
            Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

            Telling yourself you'll only drink beer is one of the signs of alcoholic thinking. If you can moderate then alcohol shouldn't be such an issue that you have to control your types of alcohol in that manner.

            There's also a passage in the AA book about thinking you might "only" drink "lite".

            Comment

              #7
              Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

              Congratulations on 12 days! Not a good day for me either, which is why I found myself here this evening. Trying to keep where I need to be! Thanks for your help along my path this evening!

              Comment

                #8
                Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

                PeaceSeeking,
                I guess I stayed with the moderation thing longer than anyone I've met here, well over two years. It is a phase I believe that many need to go through. It is very tiresome always thinking about drinking. There isn't much good about it, though at the beginning many have what they believe are great memories of drinking occasions. It is an illusion, it was never really great. The guilt is painful through the repeated times that one does not stay withing pre-determined limits. Ask a normal drinker, one who has never had a problem, and they will not rave about the virtues of drinking. So many here say they have tried moderating and could not. I' m one I guess who can, but that illusion continues to fade. I would not recommend this road to anyone.
                My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

                  Thanks for all the support and honesty everyone,

                  I made it through my rough day...

                  Bought my diet pop and water to bring with me all weekend, we have a real busy weekend and I am looking forward to every minute no matter how challenging it will be. I will feel so much stronger.

                  Wish me lots of strength,
                  Peace

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

                    Peace, I too felt overwhelmed at first with the thought of never drinking again. Truth be told, I really don't know for sure if I will ever drink again. I hope not but......

                    One thing I CAN say with absolute confidence is that I can never drink SAFELY. Ever. If I take a drink, I really don't know what's going to happen next, and that is not safe. That truth helped me bridge the gap between "just for today" and the notion of "never again."

                    Sunbeam, I have always appreciated your posts and this is another really good one. I feel lucky to have a true "normie" as a husband because I can see on a daily basis what truly normal drinkers think about alcohol - which isn't much. He does NOT spend any time at all thinking about alcohol. If he is in a situation where others are drinking (i.e. after dog training and some of the guys are having a beer) he will think about it only long enough to decide if he's having ONE (and I mean ONE) or not, and that's that. Thoughts about drinking are over.

                    I have NEVER had that relationship with alcohol, not even at the very beginning. What I HAVE had is all kinds of "rule making" thoughts such as: Only wine. Never wine. Only beer. Never beer. Only after 5. Only on weekends. Only after noon. Only 3. Etc. Ad Nauseum. I was never able to stick to my rules. As UK pointed out, this type of thinking is described eloquently in the Big Book making it clear this "junkie thinking" has been going on for all of us since at least the 1930's.

                    Anyway...enough of a ramble. The important thing is that you made it through the day without drinking. That's what we have to do - one day at a time.

                    DG
                    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                    One day at a time.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

                      Thanks everyone,
                      Doggygirl you are so right about the "rule making" and right now the only rule I have is no AL.

                      Well, just had to come and say thank you and good night. Tomorrow is another busy social day, but after tonight I feel strong again.

                      Peace

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Day 12 and already thoughts of moderating...

                        Wonderful!!! Have a great day today.

                        DG
                        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                        One day at a time.

                        Comment

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