Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

[waterboy]

Hi there. I thought I'd post here to express a lot of pent up frustration with myself and my life situation. I drink nearly everyday, lots. I drink at work, at home, outside. I can't seem to stop. Occasionally I'll have a two day break from it but then I'm back there drinking 1-2 bottles of wine a day for 3-4 days in a row, sometimes longer, before having that temporary break.

I know it's a problem because I can't stop it and I don't even really want to do it but yet I still do it because I can't handle living without it. I am in a strange situation which means I can't deal with life without using alcohol. I am filled with fear everyday and drinking alleviates my fear. I'm too scared to write too many details in the chance that somebody will recognise me.

I didn't even want to write here because part of me thinks it is completely pointless to even write. Some days I hope my liver will just pack in so I can come out of the closet honestly and without the drama that the alternative would provoke. I guess I am writing here because I am telling people who would not start shouting at me or putting their own feelings first over mine like they usually do.

There is not much harmony in my life and my existence is very fragmented in terms of support networks, etc. I am a caretaker who now needs a caretaker. For some of you this will be same old and I apologise if this is boring for you.

[tlrgs]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

WELCOME waterboy .. and remember you are not alone .. keep writing and reading and you will find your way out .. stay strong and keep thinking positive

[tawnyfrog]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Hi Waterboy and Welcome,

There's absolutely nothing boring about your post. We're all in the same boat. What brought us here is the admission that something was wrong and that we needed to do something about it.

I'd say familiarise yourself with the site. Read as many posts as you can absorb. You'll find you're not alone in the horrible roller-coaster struggle. There's plenty of support here should you wish to avail yourself of same.

Again, welcome - and full marks for taking the first step.

[mollyka]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

You are very welcome Waterboy:welcome:. first off there is nothing boring about your post or story. You are in pain and that's why we all started here in the first place. Not sure if your job is caretaking or you are minding a relation? My drinking escalated big time when I was minding my sick mum and dealing with awkward family - just used it to escape. I wouldn't give names or places here, particularly if you are afraid of being identified but it does help to open out to folks here - I have yet to read of someone coming here with a situation or problem that someone can't identify with and offer solutions or support.
You may feel now that coming here is pointless - you sound like you are very sad and down, but I can tell you this place has saved lives, like you say just being able to open up to people who are in the same position and non-judgemental - it is a lifeline - grab hold and give it a try?
Molly:l

[angel77]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

H there Waterboy Welcome also!

"I didn't even want to write here because part of me thinks it is completely pointless to even write." I can totally, completely, understand what you mean. I myself feel the same way regularly. BUT... and yes there is a but. haha The fact that you are writing shows that you haven't given up and are still making an effort. I found a quote the other day that really resonated with me. "A strong man isn't afraid of anything.... but a man of strength shows courage in the midst of his fear."
All of us here at MWO can be your caretakers.

Angel

[beagle]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

come back waterboy.
listen to the advice given.
learn from it.
i still am.
don't post on here crying out for help but then not committing to being helped.
i still am.

[goingsobermum]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

After I first stated coming here I stopped because I felt so worthless that I couldn't quit. I should have stuck around as there is so much unconditional support here.
Welldone for taking the first step which is recognising that you have a problem. Read lots of stories you will find that we are all so similar and that whilst making the decision to quit is one of the hardest you'll ever make it is worth it.

[gyco]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

healing

waterboy;957460 wrote: Hi there. I thought I'd post here to express a lot of pent up frustration with myself and my life situation. I drink nearly everyday, lots. I drink at work, at home, outside. I can't seem to stop. Occasionally I'll have a two day break from it but then I'm back there drinking 1-2 bottles of wine a day for 3-4 days in a row, sometimes longer, before having that temporary break.

I know it's a problem because I can't stop it and I don't even really want to do it but yet I still do it because I can't handle living without it. I am in a strange situation which means I can't deal with life without using alcohol. I am filled with fear everyday and drinking alleviates my fear. I'm too scared to write too many details in the chance that somebody will recognise me.

I didn't even want to write here because part of me thinks it is completely pointless to even write. Some days I hope my liver will just pack in so I can come out of the closet honestly and without the drama that the alternative would provoke. I guess I am writing here because I am telling people who would not start shouting at me or putting their own feelings first over mine like they usually do.

There is not much harmony in my life and my existence is very fragmented in terms of support networks, etc. I am a caretaker who now needs a caretaker. For some of you this will be same old and I apologise if this is boring for you.

hi waterboy,:welcome:sometimes just releasing som of the stress helps,you found a great site,great people and youve also realised where your Al consumption could take you,:goodjob:i wish you well gyco:thanks:

[Doggygirl]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Waterboy, I too could have written your post just a few years ago. The only difference, like Sheri, is that I couldn't take days off. I tried. I just couldn't. I would wake up day after day and promise myself I wouldn't drink that day. But that promise was broken each and every time until I found My Way Out. Even after coming here, I had ups and downs before figuring out what it takes for me to stay sober. This isn't easy. But it's possible. If we can do it, you can do it to.

I hope you will consider downloading the My Way Out book from the Health Store and giving it a read. I also put aside my pride and went to AA - something I swore I would never do. For me, that has been a blessing just like My Way Out has been. Be willing to go to any length to get sober. If one thing doesn't work for you, be willing to try something else. Together we can do this.

DG

[FancyC]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Welcome Waterboy,
New here myself. Just wanted to say hello and hope we'll be seeing you soon. Best wishes on your journey.

[OverIt2007]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Hi Waterboy!

I dont find your story boring at all, I do find it a bit sad though. I truly hope you stick around and use this website to be a benefit to you. Thats what its here for. I have been here for over three years now, have made some really great friendships, and even managed at times to get my drinking way under control.

You have to start somewhere, so why not now? And another thing I like to remind myself of is... "If nothing changes, then NOTHING changes". If your ready to make some changes then come on along and let us help you. And by the way, your posting does indeed help others who struggle to. Its a two way street.

Hope to get to know you better Waterboy! Your worth it, believe that.

Overit

[Twitch]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Hi Waterboy, I totally sympathise with your story, I haven't been posting here much recently, I didnt feel I was doing as well as other's, but I miss the friendship and support I found here, so... I am back, trying hard not to keep failing, I am a carer too and have various health issues of my own, sometimes wine is the only thing that help's even tho I feel so bad the next day, you will find lot's of love and support here, I am still trying to get a grip on it before it's too late,come and join us and together we might be able to do something positive, xxx love and hug's Twitch.

[Pride before Fall]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Hi WB,

Welcome! I'm really impressed that you screwed up your courage and posted despite the fact it kicks up so much anxiety for you.

I spent a lot of my adult life wrestling panic attacks, and I haven't pinned them to the mat yet; BUT, I do know the alcohol didn't alleviate the fear, it just numbed it, temporarily, and it was worse in the morning and compounded with self-loathing. I'm certain alcohol made the problem far worse and impossible for me to work through the traumas behind it.

I know self-hypnosis has helped me calm down and better able to cope with all the crap I put off while drinking. Maybe they would work for you, without adding to your stress.

Peace and strength,

Pride

[mama bear]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

welcome waterboy

[Ember lola]

Not sure what to say but I'm stuck

Hi Waterboy.

I feel for you. It is so so hard but please stay on this site because it will really help you to not feel so alone.
I felt very sad reading your story but I think the fact that you are able to stop for a couple of days is promising in itself. I would have maybe 1 day off a month and promise myself that was it bit of course alcohol got the better of me.
I have been AF for 8 days now and its been tough but I can honestly say that each day my self esteem grows. I was terrified of not drinking because I'd forgotten who I was without it. Part of the recovery for me is learning to be that person without alcohol again.

Be prepared for some discomfort but better than what you are going through right now. Everyone here has been in the same boat.

EL