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[BradyKelly]

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Greetings

Hi Ronaldolover, thanks for the welcome. Never mind going to the doctor, I just 5 minutes ago confided to my only freelance client as well. When you say, "today is day one for me this time", do you mean the first time you're goind AF? How are you feeling?

I'm doing very well thanks. Yes, I'm still AF, which isn't hard for me. What will be hard is moderating my drinking should I decide to go that route after my 30 days of AF. I've had many 30+ days AF, the longest being 6 months, but I've never before made any real effort to moderate after that. I was just artificially happy to go back to being a drunk.

[ronaldolover]

Newbiew

Well, I have had AF days here and there.....but then I just keep on drinking. The most I have ever had in a row is 3 days. But I had a terrible weekend and could not sleep last night because I just kept thinking about what a mess I am. I am ready to do this....I am going to give it 100% this time. It helps to have people like you to talk to. I used to think I could moderate....but I don't think that is an option for me. I just want to be well....I don't remember the last time I was. I am glad you are doing so well!! I am hoping my mood will brighten by tomorrow!

[BradyKelly]

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People to talk to.

ronaldolover;963772 wrote: Well, I have had AF days here and there.....but then I just keep on drinking. The most I have ever had in a row is 3 days. But I had a terrible weekend and could not sleep last night because I just kept thinking about what a mess I am. I am ready to do this....I am going to give it 100% this time. It helps to have people like you to talk to. I used to think I could moderate....but I don't think that is an option for me. I just want to be well....I don't remember the last time I was. I am glad you are doing so well!! I am hoping my mood will brighten by tomorrow!

I'll be here for a very long time to talk to, and all the other much more experienced problem drinkers here as well. How much do you drink how often? If it's anything more than 2 or 3 of any drink per day, and you've been doing it more than a week. I strongly recommend seeing a doctor for some Ativan (or Valium, Librium, or Xanor) for your first, say, 3 days of withdrawal. Even if your anxiety levels are manageable, unmedicated withdrawal can place unnecessary stress on your heart.

[ronaldolover]

Newbiew

Thank you for the support Brady. I drink about a bottle and a half of wine every night. And then if I am out at a bar I drink rum. I am so ready to stop.....until I get home from work this evening and feel the urge to reach for that wine bottle. I think I will pour them all out.....that may be a good feeling!

I am going to try and talk to my doctor to see what he recommends....thanks for the advice! It really helps to just be able to be honest with people who understand....

[BradyKelly]

Newbiew

ronaldolover;963817 wrote: Thank you for the support Brady. I drink about a bottle and a half of wine every night. And then if I am out at a bar I drink rum. I am so ready to stop.....until I get home from work this evening and feel the urge to reach for that wine bottle. I think I will pour them all out.....that may be a good feeling!

I am going to try and talk to my doctor to see what he recommends....thanks for the advice! It really helps to just be able to be honest with people who understand....

Pouring them out would probably feel great, but the rest of your evening would be quite the downer. :H Maybe if you get something to help you sleep you can do that, then see the doc in the morning, when withdrawal may start.

[ronaldolover]

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I think I will pour the wine bottles out.....heck, they only cost $3.50 anyway!

It will be a good feeling and get rid of any temptations! I do have something to help me sleep, so that's good. I have never considered going through withdrawals before.....will that happen??

[BradyKelly]

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Withdrawals

ronaldolover;963990 wrote: I think I will pour the wine bottles out.....heck, they only cost $3.50 anyway!

It will be a good feeling and get rid of any temptations! I do have something to help me sleep, so that's good. I have never considered going through withdrawals before.....will that happen??

If it happens, you will probably just feel very tense and anxious, maybe nausea, maybe runs. Normally they're much worse after days of continuous drinking, not just drinking at night.

[Mish]

Newbiew

BradyKelly;963745 wrote: Thanks for the wishes Mish, I wish you the best on this journey as well.

In terms of both "special kind of alcoholic", and "denial", I have only really half been in denial for years, as I long ago came to refer to myself as a problem drinker, but not alcoholic because I dont crave AL. It's funny, because I suppose we both fall under that class of alcoholic that can go without drinking, but can't stop once started, but I can even stop once started. I used to regularly drink 3 beers then stop. It's the times when I didn't bother stopping, and it became a 4 day affair that is my problem and prompted me to stop, and later maybe try supported or managed moderation.

Where are you in your progress, and how do you feel?

Hi Brady...it's really helpful to find someone in the same category as you here...we're all here for the same reason though, eh? Today is day 13 for me. Not difficult at this stage, although I've warded off a few of those anxiety attacks that result from upsets and would have formerly led me to buy a bottle of wine. Then it would have been another bottle within the week, then two and then the 4litre cask in 48 hours. That's my pattern. A bottle of wine a few days later to settle the nerves maybe, and then back on th AF until the next upset.
Like you, I can stop once started, but only in a social setting where I need to conduct myself with decorum. On my own I will finish it to the last drop.
I've learned a lot in the past few weeks. Accelerated learning after being stuck in pre-primary for a long time. Loving MWO, loving the support, loving the encouragement, but most of all, loving the people.
Glad you're sticking around to offer your encouragement and experiences. We'll stay in touch, I'm sure.
Mish :l

[Mish]

Newbiew

ronaldolover;963990 wrote: I think I will pour the wine bottles out.....heck, they only cost $3.50 anyway!

It will be a good feeling and get rid of any temptations! I do have something to help me sleep, so that's good. I have never considered going through withdrawals before.....will that happen??

Too right withdrawals will happen. But I thought withdrawal meant shakes, DTs, etc. I had experienced mega anxiety, hot flushes, sweating, sleeplessness, headache after drinking but thought it was my anxiety disorder because I was so disgusted and ashamed with myself. Once on this site I learned that these are symptoms of withdrawal and that it does pass.
Armed with that knowledge I rode it out. Watched bad tv, drank lots of water, rested though I didn't sleep for three nights, read, did mild exercise and a few chores when I felt up to it. The endurance paid off.
I didn't take any meds... not so much as an asprin... I allowed myself to experience every single second of withdrawal so I would remember how horrible it is and determine never to go there again. It was almost like "You derserve this, you did this to yourself, suck it up." It's working!!!!
Over the cravings and I can tell you it's not fun, but worth every teeth clenching, shallow-breathing (then deep inhaling) second.
My very best wishes. Watch "Rain In My Heart." Scared the pants off me!!!
Mish

[BradyKelly]

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Mishmash;964145 wrote:
Glad you're sticking around to offer your encouragement and experiences. We'll stay in touch, I'm sure.
Mish :l

Likewise, thanks.

[ronaldolover]

Newbiew

Mishmash....thanks for the explanation about withdrawals.....I have had all of those things and would not have attributed it to that. The first night I was AF I had extreme leg cramps and terrible night sweats and restlessness. Last night was a little better...but still couldn't sleep and was hot. I am not taking anything and am just going to ride this out.....I did it to myself, so I can deal with this. Thank you all for the great advice and explanations....it really helps to hear from someone going through the same things as I am.

I plan on watching Rain In My Heart tonight......so many people have talked about it....I hope it is an eye opener for me.

Here's to day 2 AF!!!

[BradyKelly]

Newbiew

ronaldolover;964451 wrote:
Here's to day 2 AF!!!

Good going, and well done for riding it out without meds.

[ronaldolover]

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Brady - How are you doing today? Any issues?

[BradyKelly]

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I'm doing excellent thanks. Working again (freelancing, AL cost me my last full time job, but it was only 2 months) and re-established my relationship with my only current client after a week of no communications. The Xanors are still helping, as software development is a very stressfull job, and even more so while I'm still a bit sensitive, but it's great to be back in 'the seat'.

How are you doing? I know how uncomfortable those hot nights and sweats can be, not to mention not knowing what to do with yourself. The 'fever' should last a bit longer, but you should be able to sleep at least the second or third night. Here's hoping for you.

Well done on getting this far on your own!

[ronaldolover]

Newbiew

I am glad you are doing well! I am hoping tonight will bring some better sleep....but I am surprised at what a good mood I am in today as opposed to yesterday. I just hope I can stay like this....keep me updated on your progress...it is always nice to hear good news from people!