I can't keep going on this way....

[Ringing Cedars]

I can't keep going on this way....

Hi Jewels~I hope you are getting to a better place. OverIt is so right--not that I would wish someone like your ex on anyone else--but I think you should look at it as a blessing that he is moving on to other prey. Please don't let this turn into a game to seduce you back into the game. It sounds like he would happily play you both if he could. I might be way off. Point being at some point you have to take responsibility as others have said for continuing to pine for an abuser and then blaming him for the whole roller coaster ride with booze. Please give yourself the chance to analyze this situation without alcohol. It will be a much smoother ride for you. I know how difficult it can be but you CAN DO IT!!:l

[Jewels83]

I can't keep going on this way....

Thank you for all of your kind words. I'm still here. I stopped drinking around this same time yesterday. Felt terrible yesterday afternoon. Got sick (vomited) and slept for a few hours. Did not sleep at all lastnight. Finally fell asleep around 4:30 this morning. I feel like such a loser for missing work yesterday. It makes me feel so worthless. I have so many chores that need to be done but I just don't have the energy or interest in doing anything....more worthless feelings. :-(

I'm trying so hard not to go into town to get alcohol. It's all I've thought about since I woke up. I'm not feeling to well today. A little nausea and shaky. I know a few drinks would take care of that but I also know it's only temporarily. Lord, please give me the strength to get through this.....

xxx to you all! I'm so lucky to have found this place and all of you! Hugs!

[mama bear]

I can't keep going on this way....

come on jewels...we are rooting for you...dont go into town

[Dewdrop]

I can't keep going on this way....

Hi Jewels,

I hope you are feeling a bit better, if you could get a few AF days under your belt I'm sure you would see things in a different light, it's amazing how much the alcohol distorts our thinking. Hang in there and keep posting.

I'm thinking of you.

Dewdrop :h

[betty boop]

I can't keep going on this way....

Jewels ......... lots of love and support here too ........

I can absolutely promise you without a doubt that when you beat this you will soooo much better .........

Do yourself a favour and next time you think about buying the box log on here first .... we will support you and get you through it ...

LOve & Hugs, BB xx

[Mish]

I can't keep going on this way....

Thinking of you Jewels. Hang in there girl...

[Jewels83]

I can't keep going on this way....

I failed. I'm sorry everyone.

[mollyka]

I can't keep going on this way....

Honey, don't be saying sorry to anyone here. We are here to support eachother and lots of times we feel we fail, you haven't failed - you are still here, that means an awful lot -you want this to work and if you want it enough it will. I can imagine you are feeling rotten. It's early in the day there for you - decide today is the day YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DRINK. You will feel much better and clearer tomorrow. Make yourself WANT to do this, tell yourself all the advantages, mind yourself and let us know how you are
Molly:l

[Doggygirl]

I can't keep going on this way....

Jewels, the only way to fail is to stop trying. Getting sober is certainly not easy. If it was, there would be no need for My Way Out, AA, Women for Sobriety, SMART Recovery, Antabuse, Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking, Rational Recovery, The Sinclair Method, etc. etc. etc.

Do you have a written plan? If not, I suggest writing one. There are lots of great threads on this web site that can help you do that. If you do have a written plan, I suggest reviewing it to see where things broke down for you and revise it. Be willing to try something different if what you are doing isn't working. Be willing to go to any length necessary to get sober. Make it your #1 priority. If I can do it, I know you can do it too. I didn't get it right for a long time. Keep working at it.

DG

[choice]

I can't keep going on this way....

Oh Jewels, I feel for you. Watching an X move on can be torture. I know it's hard but the best way to give yourself a chance to cope and heal is to let your mind process everything sober. It won't take as long and it won't seam as dark or grim. I think it is so wonderful that you have posted about what you are going through at the moment and reaching out for help. Your not alone. I hope you feel better soon by taking care of yourself and ditching the wine. I use to drink lots of wine to "think" about my problems... it just kept me stuck and my mind repeated like a broken record. Not to mention the hangover the next day, missing work... feeling yucky, and then drinking in the evening to settle my frazzled nerves form drinking the night before.. whew! :h

[Dewdrop]

I can't keep going on this way....

Hi Jewels,

Please don?t be hard on yourself, you are going through a rough time and you need to make you your no 1 priority. Take it easy and read through all the great advice you?ve been given, pick yourself up and dust yourself down then get a few days AF under your belt.

Keep posting because you have lots of friends here who care about you :l

Dewdrop :h

[Mish]

I can't keep going on this way....

:h You have not failed. If you have, so has everyone here at one time or another. Write up that plan, as DG says. Get a counsellor, doctor, psych you trust. Grab hold of everything and you will be ok.
A quitter never wins and a winner never quits, and I can sense how badly you want to be sober. You are not a quitter!!! Nor are you a failure!!!! You're simply an alcoholic like the rest of us.
Big hugs Jewels. You're in my prayers.
Mish

[Jewels83]

I can't keep going on this way....

Hi everyone. I barely slept lastnight. Finally fell asleep around 3am. Had to get up at 5:30am to get ready for work. It sucked. I was ok most of the day until around 2pm and the lack of sleep really hit me. I made it through the day and have forced myself to stay awake until now because I can't handle a repeat of lastnight.

The worst thing yesterday evening is that the anxiety hit really bad.....tightness in my chest, feeling like my air way was constricted. I have klonopin for anxiety and usually one 0.5 mg pill works but not lastnight. I ended up taking a total of 4 pills throughout the early night. I was just so uncomfortable with the chest pains and they would not go away! Finally after taking that much they did. But I still couldn't sleep. It was terrible. I'm going to try to get some sleep now. I'm exsausted.

Thank you all for everything. I need all the help I can get. :l:l

[choice]

I can't keep going on this way....

Hi Jewels,
I've been wondering how you've been doing and hoping you would check in soon :h

I can relate to sleepless nights and anxiety. It's just awful :l
I think it was the first week on MWO that I had a major panic attack and people on the sight where so helpful in talking me through it. AL really shot my nerves. It's rough keeping up with day to day life when trying to figure out ones drinking, and all the rest of what your dealing with. :goodjob: on getting yourself to work and trying to relax tonight.

I hope you sleep well. If you find you can't sleep I found it comforting to just read around on this sight and look at how some of the people with extended AF time where managing. There posts were pretty positive and hopeful.

take care, choice

[BellaC]

I can't keep going on this way....

Hi Jewels...hope you're doing better. I just wanted to throw my hat into the ring of support. I totally know how you feel with the anxiety and with the guilt/shame of calling out sick from work. I've seen a lot of benefits from quitting a couple of months ago, but one of the best is losing the anxiety and shame and guilt that comes with drinking. Lying about drinking and hiding drinking just drains your confidence. You deserve a lot better than what you're giving yourself. You really need to take of care of yourself, especially after how your ex has treated you. One hard thing that I had to realize was that no one was going to take care of me...I had to take care of myself. It's hard when you're drinking because you don't value yourself enough to want to take care of yourself.
Also...there is never a magic "right time" to quit. I remember a couple of years ago I was really excited about moving into a nice new apartment and I was certain that I'd quit as soon as I moved in there. Didn't happen. There's never a good time to do it; it's always going to suck. But definitely get a plan, and start trying things. I love how on these boards people have gotten sober through all kinds of means...there's something out there for everyone. Have you contacted a doctor about medication, or a psychiatrist, or maybe been to any AA meetings? Just never stop trying and you'll find the right mix.