Day 1 AGAIN

[riv]

Day 1 AGAIN

So how many days are you now ?

I'm 24 hours which is something of an achievement for me...... In 40 years of seriously over the top drinking ( but funtioning professionally ) I have been able to stop mostly for just a few days or weeks................. then the cravings just become irresistible......

The big prob for me is that a dinner, however tasty, is just pointless without a bottle or two of wine ( plus digestifs of course )........

I find that it is actually easier for me if I just eat nomal breakfast and lunch [ I have never desired drink during the day ] and then for dinner just have some cereal with skimmed milk while watching DVDs of The Golden Girls or whatever.

Most abstentions during the 40 yrs have lasted a few days or weeks at most ( and there have been few enough of them. ) Just once from May 2007 I managed 18 months totally w/o alcohol: antabuse did it for 6 months then I managed w/o the Antabuse for another year....... before relapsing at a dinner ( significantly ) hosted by friends in Rome.
Since then hardly any breaks in the v heavy consumption and the pounds have piled on to grotesque paunch levels ( 233 lbs and all of the excess concentrated in the wine belly - yuck ....... I am so disgusted when I look in the mirror and see the mess I have made of my body , as also my life.....)

Aim as at today is to get thru maybe 10 days and then it should be safe to start on the Antabuse again....... it worked before so hopefully again......

[mollyka]

Day 1 AGAIN

Hi Riv, I identify with the dinner thing. The association for me was very strong. It has been said here by members much wiser and longer sober than I that 'whatever it takes' with regard to giving up alcohol. Why not stop having dinner for a while - I work a few late shifts every week - those days I never have dinner, not for any other reason than it doesn't fit in. When you eventually have a few enjoyable dinners without the booze, you'll drop the association, I wouldn't dream of looking for wine now with food - just doesn't arise.
As regards the weight. Last November I weighed well over 200 lbs, I now weigh 155 lbs (I'm almost 6 ft tall), I have not dieted for one second of that time - that was ALL booze weight, and weight of the shite food we eat when we are drinking.
72 hours is the max time you need to get the booze out of your system for Antabuse according to my doc - just check that out with a pharmacist or doc?
You've done it before Riv, you can do it again, get a few days under your belt you'll feel so much better
Molly

[riv]

Day 1 AGAIN

Since last posting ( in October ) i relapsed of course; then - whilst still drinking heavily I pursued a Baclofen prescription.

I very much wanted Baclofen to work but I am afraid it just didn't. I tried it for maybe 2 months.

It had zero effect on my desire to drink and I carried on drinking till just 4 or 5 days ago.
I stopped bothering with the Baclofen as it was having no effect on my desire to drink but did give me a dry mouth / sleepiness during day.

I last week managed long enough ( 3 days ) alcohol free for it to be safe to start with Antabuse again and I have taken that the last few days.

I hate being sick, so I'm fairly sure I won't drink whilst on Antabuse. But God I miss it !

Seeing the vile 233 lb wine belly in the mirror is considerable motivation to stay on Antabuse and off Booze......... but I do miss wine.

Mollyka says.......~ When you eventually enjoy a few dinners without wine....~ but with all due respect that's the whole point : during all of my last sober period - 18 months, all down to Antabuse, from Spring 2007 to September 19th 2008, I never once 'enjoyed' a dinner without wine.

Mostly I didn't bother having dinner, or just had some sort of basic sustenance. Dinners out at social occasions were just horrific - not because of any danger of drinking - the Antabuse saw to that - but because for me a meal, however well cooked, presented etc., is just pointless without wine. [ But one or two glasses is never enough.]

Also, of course, being virtually the only person sober at a dinner makes you realize how totally tedious social occasions are - I couldn't wait to 'make my excuses and leave' and get back to the TV or DVDs.

Will it ever happen for me ?

[mollyka]

Day 1 AGAIN

It will happen Riv - it seems to me that you are craving for the lovely early days of drinking, when drinking maybe wasn't a problem. I drank pretty much problem free for 25 yrs - then the problems started. It's the last few years that I have to remember when the 'stinkin thinkin' starts - the hiding sneaking lying - falling asleep, forgetting conversations, not doing things that should have been done. The list for me goes on and on - and I hear you about the social occasions - funny, I can and do enjoy going out for dinner with hubs - strict rules apply tho, and he is more than happy with that. If he wants drinks beforehand he sometimes goes on ahead of me for a couple of pints and I meet him in the restaurant. Whereas before he'd have ordered a bottle of wine, now he has one maybe two glasses, and we don't sit for hours 'chewing the cud', we eat, we chat -- and then we go home, feet up at the tele and the fire - nice cup of creamy coffee, and it works for me. OF COURSE it would feel it would be nicer with the bottle of wine - but you have to think thro to the end of that bottle - wanting another one - in my case - sneaking up to the bedroom and topping up, invariably having 'words' cos I'm pissed etc. doesn't work for me, so I have to 'make it happen for me' - I have no choice - and I can't let 'choice' become an option.
It does take working on, but really truly it is worth it
Molly

[riv]

Day 1 AGAIN

Day 4 [ again ]...........

Well, after my last post about a year ago I returned to the old, long-established, bibulous, ways......

Managed two weeks alcohol - free ( without Antabuse or other meds ) back in February this year..... even gave away a stash of great booze I had in the house - champagne / cognac /decent wine.... !......then total, abject, relapse.

This has been my pattern for over forty years of trying to moderate my alcohol consumption. Historically ( 2007-08 ) the ONLY time I have had a prolonged alcohol-free period - 18 months - was with the help of Antabuse. If only my then Doc had agreed to prescribe Antabuse the first occasion I suggested it - back in 1977 ! [ Well, if I had been that serious I suppose I would have tried changing Doctors, but still...........I remember he said, ' Just drink less! ' at the time....]

Grotesque wine-belly still present ( have started to have back pain whilst standing / walking - which Doc agrees could be down to the obesity.......... have to get the weight down and see if the pain goes ).......... so yet another reason to quit the booze......

Three days ago started on the abstinence routine again, with the specific aim of clearing alcohol out of the system for three days so it would be safe to re-start the Antabuse.....
Have just this minute taken the first Antabuse tab.......... so hopefully that crushes the arguments in favor of drinking for a week or two.......... and maybe I can at least repeat the 18 month abst. of 5 years ago..............
We shall see....................[ to be continued...........]

[Clockwatcher]

Day 1 AGAIN

Good luck Riv

[Clockwatcher]

Day 1 AGAIN

I am also back, another day one, had to run from a dinner party last night as I knew I was going to lose control and start inhaling booze even though I had managed to control a couple of beers all I wanted to do was go back a chug until I was passed out....had to leave early and crawl into a booze less apartment and bed just to get myself away before I lost control... So here we go again.

[Cornczech]

Day 1 AGAIN

Hello Ya'll!
I just wanted to state a few things with regard to this horrible thing called relapse. I have been to rehab twice and the hospital for "detoxing" twice....and the MOST I have lasted was a month AF...a FRIGGIN MONTH!!!!
I was told I had a fatty liver in 2008, (I REALLY went out of control and went from 4 beers a night to 8 or more...just a brain bombing raid.......after my brother died of alcohol related issue), and so started my first attempt at stopping....the liver got better....but 2 months after that I began to have monthly grand mal seizures.....like clockwork....and STILL I drank...in fact, I didn't take the anti-seizure meds I was prescribed because they interfered with my friggin DRINKING! I had monthly seizures for almost 3 years...and then, just as mysteriously....they stopped.....anyhow...running off at the fingers there....
I TOTALLY understand relapse....I am trying to stop AGAIN....April 2nd was the day....I drank...I drank only a beer....but I drank....last night 4.....and I KNOW I have to stop...I'm getting a WORSE beer gut....I shake all the time...itch all over....have a constant stomach ache, (was in hospital a week for gastritis, deudonitis and colitis...was only able to be AF for a month after that hospital horror!)
I'm so desperate for that numbing feeling that I can puke my pancreas out and within 20 minutes be back to drinking a beer.....sick, eh?
I HONESTLY believe I have to find a way to break a BAD HABIT....habits of most kinds are really hard to stop....hell...if I get hooked on a particular kind of cereal...it takes weeks to not desire to eat it...if say it were no longer available, or I needed to lose weight, etc.....
Anyhow, I am wordy this morning....good luck to everyone.....

[Prairie Fairy]

Day 1 AGAIN

Riv, Clockwatcher and Cornczech - restarting is hard. There are a bunch of us doing the same thing hanging out giving each other support in this forum under the April Restarts thread in addition to hanging out in various other places here. best of luck to each of you...