Of Two Minds

[ratszo]

I drink to much. I know I am killing myself and yet I don't stop. Other than the drink I have a good life. A wonderfull wife and a great job. I guess I am a highly functional drinker.

I want to stop, but I don't want to stop. I enjoy myself every evening and condem myself every morning. I don't imagine this is new stuff but thanks for listening. I am almost afraid of stopping, what will happen to me......

[taw]

Of Two Minds

I want to stop, but I don't want to stop. I enjoy myself every evening and condem myself every morning. I don't imagine this is new stuff but thanks for listening. I am almost afraid of stopping, what will happen to me......


I know just how you feel! Today is Day 1 for me AGAIN! And a few others are on day 1 also....why don't you join us and see what we can do....Believe me you are not alone!!! Better to have help here then try and do this on your own...

[newstart32]

Of Two Minds

I know just how you feel when you say you want to stop but you don't want to stop. I am on day 9 of being alcohol free, but I have to admit that in the last day or so I've been wrestling with the fact that other than the drinking, my life is really good. But the thing that made me stop in the first place and keeps me going now is that I know it is going to eventually do terrible things to my body, if it hasn't already. Even though I am very highly functioning, how humiliating will it be if I start having alcohol related health issues? I don't want my family to have to see me go through that.

Only you will know when you are truly ready to stop. Why not make today Day 1 and just try to go for a predetermined amount of time (2 weeks, 30 days, whatever) and then reassess at the end of that time?

Good luck to you!

[Zeppie2]

Of Two Minds

Hi you guys - you should all give at least 30 days a go and see much better you feel after that.

AL is such a blighter - I sounded like you three seven years ago, thought I was a functioning alcoholic, but it keeps sucking you in until one day you just need a drink for breakfast to get rid of the hangover and then you start relying on alcohol to merely function.

My suggestion is to stop now before it's too late

[Doggygirl]

Of Two Minds

I too can relate to that part of you that doesn't want to stop. For many years, I knew I had a problem but did not want to stop drinking. I wanted the hangovers to stop. I wanted the nights where I over drank and made an ass of myself to stop. I wanted the forgetting what I said and did to stop. I wanted people's comments about how I was the "Big Drinker" to stop. I wanted my horrible choices while drunk to stop.

But I didn't really want to stop drinking.

Problem is, the only way to get the consequences to stop is for the drinking to stop.

I too was "highly functional" for many years. Let's face it - very few alcoholics hit their bottom in their teens or twenties (although some do). Most of us manage to function pretty well through the haze and hangovers for quite a long time. The the functioning starts getting less and less. Then we kid ourselves that we are "functional" when we are not so functional. Then the functioning stops. Sometimes when that happens, it's too late.

Stop now while you are still functioning. Don't sit back and wait to lose your family, job, drivers license, health, sanity, etc.

DG

[FancyC]

Of Two Minds

I can relate to how you feel as well. I am working on it, one day at a time. A month or two ago, I would not have had but maybe 2 days a month that I did not drink. Now my calendar has many more than that. What a good feeling. Also am starting to want to wake up to that clear headed af morning more often. I didn't get here overnight, but I'm working on making it better. You can do this too. The people here are a huge help, if you want it. Good luck!

[Chillgirl]

Of Two Minds

Yep... Can so relate to this, it's our dual personality, one wanting to drink in the evening the other chastising us for it in the morning. My theme song used to be Robbie Williams "lord make me pure, but not yet!".

I ran with this Jekyll & Hyde tormenting me for years and I guess there came a point when the desire to get sober was stronger than the desire to drink. Maybe I also realized the voice chastising me in the morning was the one making the most sense and the other one was my childish ego who didn't want to face up to real life....

[Mish]

Of Two Minds

ratszo;964014 wrote: I drink to much. I know I am killing myself and yet I don't stop. Other than the drink I have a good life. A wonderfull wife and a great job. I guess I am a highly functional drinker.

I want to stop, but I don't want to stop. I enjoy myself every evening and condem myself every morning. I don't imagine this is new stuff but thanks for listening. I am almost afraid of stopping, what will happen to me......

Ratzo, I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but the bad news it that it's only going to go downhill from here. Watch "Rain In My Heart" if you really want to know what will happen to you, to all of us, if we don't stop. I am a high functioning alcoholic (I used to use terms such as "drinker, problem drinker, alcohol abuser, binge drinker, compulsive drinker etc).
If you're here on this site my guess is it's for a reason. Stick with it buddy...you have a great deal going for you. AL will rob you of everything you have.
Best wishes and my hopes are with you.
Mish

[Sunnyvalenting]

Of Two Minds

Ambivalence is a hallmark feature of addiction and dependency. Your higher sensibilities tell you it is not wise but your cravings, urges and actions violate that understanding. Every time you drink you are making a choice to do what you know to be harmful and dangerous on at least some level. Would you want someone you love to drink the way you do?
Your fears are understandable as you consider walking a new path toward freedom.
You ask what will happen to you if you quit. Ask yourself what may happen to you if you don't.

All the best is out there for you. Go ahead and take it!
Sunny

[Guest]

Of Two Minds

If you aren't addicted you would be able to give up without any problem, discomfort or worry at all. Try it.

Honestly - the above is so very true. I friend of mine did, and he told me he felt guilty, because it was so easy for him not to have that glass or two of wine with dinner. Whereas I would be sat there debating, struggling with "should I, or shouldn't I?".

[ratszo]

Of Two Minds

Thanks guys

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to respond. I will be back, just going to lurk for awhile........................

[FreedGenie]

Of Two Minds

Ukblonde;964343 wrote: If you aren't addicted you would be able to give up without any problem, discomfort or worry at all. Try it.

Honestly - the above is so very true. I friend of mine did, and he told me he felt guilty, because it was so easy for him not to have that glass or two of wine with dinner. Whereas I would be sat there debating, struggling with "should I, or shouldn't I?".

I felt I had to comment on this. The above it totally true. I am kicking myself that I didn't do this before. Ok, I am only on day three but so far have had no cravings or side effects whatsoever. I never believed this could be the case. I lurked here for a week and read the honest stories on here and it scared me half to death. I could see these people used to drink like me and then ended up drinking vodka for breakfast... So that was enough for me to wake up and smell the coffee. Amazingly, even on day two AF, I started to regret my drinking and reflect on situations/events in a whole new way. A week ago I would have said my aim would be to abstain during the week and drink at the weekend. I now know that I will drink less than that. Maybe take the plunge and say you will abstain for 14 days? It's not a lifetime and I really think your desire for daily drinking will not be the same. Good luck.

[Dewdrop]

Of Two Minds

Hi there Ratszo :welcome:

You have some really good advice from everyone and it's good to have you on board, I'd suggest going for the 30 days AF to give yourself the opportunity to get it completely out of your system and give your body a chance to heal then decide what to do from there.

I wish you lots of luck

Dewdrop :h