I feel blessed to have this forum to open up about my addictions.
My experiences are quite daunting that some of them i've never shared with a single soul. It all started from a very young age. I was abandoned by my mum at two months. Left to stay with my dad who was a restuarantuer, you know what that means. The first couple of months, i didn't realise that the lady who brought me up was not my mum but a baby sitter. It was fine until at the age of 7 my dad married the 1st of he's many wives. Wife number 1 didn't like me from the word go because of the very close relationship i had with my dad. So the baby sitter was laid of and this is were my journey of what i've turned into today begun.
Stepmother 1 made life very miserable for me and the only way i could fight back was to rebel. I was a very intelligent kid at school and i loved it as this is the only place i could be me but, that didn't last long. My frustrations crept into my studies and i was moved from school to school because of my grades. At age 10, my biological mother took me to boarding school as my former teachers informed her about the way i was mistreated at home. It was fine for 2 and a half years untill my mum couldn't afford my tuition fees. I left sch at 13 with no formal grades as i hadn't done my primary living examinations.
I went back home to my dad hoping he would send me back to sch but alas. He had lost all his businesses and he was at the mercy of the two remaining wives he had and i had never been in their good books. Step mom 1 suggested i move to an orphanage which wasn't very far from home if i wanted to continue with my studies. I obliged but didn't stay long. All the kids and the staff at the ophanage knew my family and my step siblings. The kids always asked why i didn't live at home with the rest of the family and some used to tease me for this. after a couple of weeks i had had enough. I went back home but was not welcomed by my step moms. A few weeks after i'd returned home, i was framed by my step mom's for stealing my dad's suits and shoes, he got so mad at me that he took me to a police station were i stayed for two days. I was the only female prisoner and the youngest in those cells that the male convicts i found there looked after me and for the first time, i felt someone really loved me.
Dad came to pick me up on day 3 and i remember refusing to go home with him. I prefered being in a police cell than at home. Anyway's, my new freinds convinced me so i left the next day. On my return home, my dad separated me from the rest of the family and gave me a room outside the main house (boys quater's) and i started life as only a 13 year old would manage. I met a couple of new freinds, mostly drop outs or kid on what we used to call home run. I started experimenting with drugs and smoking cigarettes. At 15, i joined a band and things started to look up for me. I met my first boyfreind, he took good care of me and protected me at all times. He never let me touch alchohol, drugs nor cigarettes yet, he used all three. As you might guess, that relationship and my time in the youth band run out due to the fact that i fell pregnant at 16 and was not a good example to the youth anymore. My boyfreind dissapeared because i refused to have an abortion. He was 7 years older than me and a foriegner. He didn't want to take chances of being locked up.
My only happines during my pregnancy was the fact that i was going to have a baby. My own baby who i would love and in return love me back. I did odd jobs in our neighborhood and by the grace of God, i survived and although i lived on potent gin through out my pregnancy, i had a healthy baby girl. Who turned out to be my savior. I went back home and at first my stepmothers wanted me out again but this time, my dad stood by me. He found me a job in a factory and on some occassions when i didn't have a baby sitter he offered to baby sit for me. After a couple of weeks into this job i got involved with another older guy. He offered to marry and look after me and the baby i had no other option but to give in. Besides, he was my boss. We married just afer 1 month of dating. The beggining was good. I had 7 years of bliss and the other seven of hell. He never ceased to remind me how he helped me by marrying me. An Un educated mother of 1. Gosh it was painfull. On top of that he had extra marital affairs which bore him six kids with six different mums. I hit the bottle and cigarettes big time. I managed to quit smoking after ten years and i stayed NF for another ten. Needless to say, we traveled to England to have a go at saving the marriage but alot of water had gone under the bridge. I managed to go back to college which he was surpotive of in the beginning then loathed it towards the end. In my second year, i was asked to choose btw the marriage and my education. Naturally i chose to let the marriage go as i was hungry for an education. I was left high and dry, with no job and tuition fees to pay. I almost droped out of college but my tuitors having known my past history, managed to get me a scholarship for my higher education. Throughout this time, i was abusing alchohol but i'd learnt to cover it up very well. In the last six years, i've attempted suiside twice, gone back to smoking and if i'm honest with myself, i've tried quiting once and it lasted for exactly 30 days. I have to drink every single day and it is affecting everything around me. I sometimes joke to my freinds and family that alchohol is my husband but deep down, i know it is taking away everything that i have fought tooth and nail to be today. I moved back to Africa last year and started my business this year in Feb. Because i've lost trust in humans, i find myself using every single penny i get to purchase my two vices. Most days i can't get up for work today being one of them because of a hang over. I am surrounded by people who feel it is normal to get blazed anytime of the day or night. I've noticed that the people i feel confertable around are those who are addicted to alchohol, cigarettes or drugs. Please someone help me. This is a genuine cry for help otherwise, i am done for.
Sorry my cry for help is too long but, i didn't know any other way of doing it.:new:
My experiences are quite daunting that some of them i've never shared with a single soul. It all started from a very young age. I was abandoned by my mum at two months. Left to stay with my dad who was a restuarantuer, you know what that means. The first couple of months, i didn't realise that the lady who brought me up was not my mum but a baby sitter. It was fine until at the age of 7 my dad married the 1st of he's many wives. Wife number 1 didn't like me from the word go because of the very close relationship i had with my dad. So the baby sitter was laid of and this is were my journey of what i've turned into today begun.
Stepmother 1 made life very miserable for me and the only way i could fight back was to rebel. I was a very intelligent kid at school and i loved it as this is the only place i could be me but, that didn't last long. My frustrations crept into my studies and i was moved from school to school because of my grades. At age 10, my biological mother took me to boarding school as my former teachers informed her about the way i was mistreated at home. It was fine for 2 and a half years untill my mum couldn't afford my tuition fees. I left sch at 13 with no formal grades as i hadn't done my primary living examinations.
I went back home to my dad hoping he would send me back to sch but alas. He had lost all his businesses and he was at the mercy of the two remaining wives he had and i had never been in their good books. Step mom 1 suggested i move to an orphanage which wasn't very far from home if i wanted to continue with my studies. I obliged but didn't stay long. All the kids and the staff at the ophanage knew my family and my step siblings. The kids always asked why i didn't live at home with the rest of the family and some used to tease me for this. after a couple of weeks i had had enough. I went back home but was not welcomed by my step moms. A few weeks after i'd returned home, i was framed by my step mom's for stealing my dad's suits and shoes, he got so mad at me that he took me to a police station were i stayed for two days. I was the only female prisoner and the youngest in those cells that the male convicts i found there looked after me and for the first time, i felt someone really loved me.
Dad came to pick me up on day 3 and i remember refusing to go home with him. I prefered being in a police cell than at home. Anyway's, my new freinds convinced me so i left the next day. On my return home, my dad separated me from the rest of the family and gave me a room outside the main house (boys quater's) and i started life as only a 13 year old would manage. I met a couple of new freinds, mostly drop outs or kid on what we used to call home run. I started experimenting with drugs and smoking cigarettes. At 15, i joined a band and things started to look up for me. I met my first boyfreind, he took good care of me and protected me at all times. He never let me touch alchohol, drugs nor cigarettes yet, he used all three. As you might guess, that relationship and my time in the youth band run out due to the fact that i fell pregnant at 16 and was not a good example to the youth anymore. My boyfreind dissapeared because i refused to have an abortion. He was 7 years older than me and a foriegner. He didn't want to take chances of being locked up.
My only happines during my pregnancy was the fact that i was going to have a baby. My own baby who i would love and in return love me back. I did odd jobs in our neighborhood and by the grace of God, i survived and although i lived on potent gin through out my pregnancy, i had a healthy baby girl. Who turned out to be my savior. I went back home and at first my stepmothers wanted me out again but this time, my dad stood by me. He found me a job in a factory and on some occassions when i didn't have a baby sitter he offered to baby sit for me. After a couple of weeks into this job i got involved with another older guy. He offered to marry and look after me and the baby i had no other option but to give in. Besides, he was my boss. We married just afer 1 month of dating. The beggining was good. I had 7 years of bliss and the other seven of hell. He never ceased to remind me how he helped me by marrying me. An Un educated mother of 1. Gosh it was painfull. On top of that he had extra marital affairs which bore him six kids with six different mums. I hit the bottle and cigarettes big time. I managed to quit smoking after ten years and i stayed NF for another ten. Needless to say, we traveled to England to have a go at saving the marriage but alot of water had gone under the bridge. I managed to go back to college which he was surpotive of in the beginning then loathed it towards the end. In my second year, i was asked to choose btw the marriage and my education. Naturally i chose to let the marriage go as i was hungry for an education. I was left high and dry, with no job and tuition fees to pay. I almost droped out of college but my tuitors having known my past history, managed to get me a scholarship for my higher education. Throughout this time, i was abusing alchohol but i'd learnt to cover it up very well. In the last six years, i've attempted suiside twice, gone back to smoking and if i'm honest with myself, i've tried quiting once and it lasted for exactly 30 days. I have to drink every single day and it is affecting everything around me. I sometimes joke to my freinds and family that alchohol is my husband but deep down, i know it is taking away everything that i have fought tooth and nail to be today. I moved back to Africa last year and started my business this year in Feb. Because i've lost trust in humans, i find myself using every single penny i get to purchase my two vices. Most days i can't get up for work today being one of them because of a hang over. I am surrounded by people who feel it is normal to get blazed anytime of the day or night. I've noticed that the people i feel confertable around are those who are addicted to alchohol, cigarettes or drugs. Please someone help me. This is a genuine cry for help otherwise, i am done for.
Sorry my cry for help is too long but, i didn't know any other way of doing it.:new:
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